Love is a Language – What’s Yours?

How do you express your love?

Take Quiz

  1. The 5 Love Languages Quiz for Singles: Click Here
  2. The 5 Love Languages Quiz for Couples: Click Here
  3. Paper Version of Quiz — Tap on Photo Below

Love and Social Psychology

One of the reasons I love teaching psychology is that it gives me the opportunity to share why we do what we do. Including in romance!

The more we understand ourselves, the more compassionate we will be about ourselves and others.

Self Awareness and Social Awareness go hand in hand.

So given today is Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be a good time to resurrect a 2019 social psychology lecture on the 5 love languages.

1B45903C-4056-46DD-9440-20E68BD74639

In this particular psychology class, we talked about: 1) what we value in a relationship, 2) our preferred love language, and 3) possible reasons for romantic successes and failures.

Discussed more fully in the two videos below.

The Theories of Love (Part 1)

In the first video I discuss the psychological theories and related life experiences that lay the foundation for a social psychology class on love and attraction (Chapter 14 in my psychology textbook).

The Reality of Love (Part 2)

In the second video I reflect upon the lessons learned in psychology class and how to apply these love lessons in real life.

Topics covered on video and in class:

  1. While dating, be on the lookout for concrete factual evidence of what is important to you. Both in person and online.
  2. For example, how does “love for family” show up in your potential partner’s actions.
  3. Also, if your relationship values include loyalty, spending time outdoors, and making mental health a priority. Is this something the person you are dating also values and lives by?
  4. It is also important to look beyond the surface and pay attention to nonverbal cues, communication, and behaviour.
  5. Do their words match their behaviour? For example, your date claims to be a great listener while spending the entire night checking their phone.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Maya Angelou
FiveLoveLanguages-Web

Self-Reflection Questions

1. What do you value most in a potential partner?

For example : trustworthiness – kindness – compassion – intelligence – humour – physical attractiveness – attentiveness

2. How do your values match up with your 5 love languages?

For example: Love Notes – Surprise Gifts – Listening – Helping – Quality Time – Cuddling
Love QuizClick Here
Love Video 1Click Here
Love Video 2Click Here

Meaningful Online Connections

5 Ways to Create Meaningful Connections in a Virtual World

This list was initially created for students embarking on a new career during covid-19. It also includes EQ techniques helpful for everyone.

  1. Connect with intention.
    • Before engaging with someone online, take a step back and ask why you are doing so.
    • What is the purpose of the interaction?
    • What are you hoping to gain or give?
  2. Make it all about them.
    • Listening is an essential ingredient in effective communication, online interactions included.
    • Listening also provides a much needed break from monotonous internal dialogue.
    • In a virtual world, “listening” often takes place through reading and staying open to another person’s perspective. No matter how different.
    • From “Me to We”
  3. Do the people research.
    • The first thing I do before I engage with someone online is read their page – literally!
    • I read their “About Me” biography. Plus their comments and interactions on social media, blog posts, and articles. And if available, I listen to their interviews and watch accompanying videos.
    • I love learning about the people I interact with. Especially their strengths.
  4. Do the company research.
    • This is where I get curious about what makes a company tick!
    • The people, the history, the economics, the geography, the philosophy.
    • The company’s motto and theme song (check out their facebook page).
    • Pick up the phone and talk to the receptionist and administrative assistants — the pulse of the organization. And if possible, engage with front line workers and management.
    • This is also the time to assess if the company’s core values match up with your own.
    • Is it a good fit?
  5. Create a need for your services.
    • What makes YOU .. YOU?!
    • What makes you unique, different, quirky, goofy, all kinds of wonderful?
    • This is the part of the online interaction process where your personality wraps around your talents, education, and abilities.
    • For example: when I was a kid, my Dad always said: “Andrea, you better get a job where you get paid to talk” because.. I couldn’t stop talking! (you should have seen my grade 8 report card)
    • This is why I come alive in the classroom but would fade away in a research lab.
    • What parts of your personality make your skill set stand out?

Your Turn: How Do You Create Meaningful Connections in a Virtual World?

Watch 3 min Video of Post: Click Here

2020 Life Lessons: Be Strong Enough To Be Gentle

Lockdowns have us spending a lot of extra time with the ones we love.

Especially during the holidays.

And if you’re anything like our household, it requires a whole new level of relationship skills.

A deeper level of empathy and compassion for the pressures of the people we are living with.

Helpful Tips: Psychology Today

What worked before, doesn’t necessarily work now.

And if it does, it takes more patience, more compassion, more love.

For ourselves and others.

Emotionally Intelligent COVID Conversations

How does this show up in our home?

Emotional Intelligence: Resources

One approach that has helped tremendously is how I ask to have my needs met.

Not what I say but how I say it.

Same message.

Different Approach.

A new level of gentleness.

Power versus Force

Kindness versus Conviction

The beauty of this 2020 life lesson is that when I am strong enough to be gentle: I am heard.

What life lessons has 2020 taught you?

Watch 2 min Video of Post: Click Here