Specifically, each time you criticize something about yourself (or any area of your life); you must acknowledge (accept) three positive aspects about the very thing you condemned. Hence, the 3 to 1 positivity ratio.
For example, each time you put yourself down for not having enough friends, you need to accept three wonderful aspects of spending time alone. (Freedom; Spontaneity; Peace of mind.)
This daily practice helps dampen the adverse impact negativity bias (a type of cognitive distortion) has on your life.
As a positive psychologist, I often write about the bright side of life. Including harnessing strengths, enhancing motivation, and flourishing in the wake of adversity.
Not the whole picture.
While strengths are vital to realizing one’s full potential – it’s not the whole picture when it comes to living a balanced life.
Embrace the downside.
We must also create a safe place to welcome the parts of ourselves (and our life) that weigh us down and cause us despair.
In doing so, we soften the grip of its pain. Whether it be suffering from years gone by or a hardship in current time.
Give your pain room to breathe.
Give your disappointments, your conflicts, your lost dreams room to breathe.
You are not inadequate because you have depression. You are not unworthy because you’re divorced. You are not unloveable because you have anxiety. You are not undesirable because you’re unemployed. You are not undeserving because you’re broke.
You’re perfect just the way you are.
Life ebbs and flows, comes and goes. Like the waves on the ocean shore. You are forever. Your potential grows. It’s ok not to be ok. What comes – also goes.
Specifically, each time you criticize something about yourself (or any area of your life); you must acknowledge (accept) three positive aspects about the very thing you condemned. Hence, the 3 to 1 positivity ratio.
For example, each time you put yourself down for not having enough friends, you need to accept three wonderful aspects of spending time alone. (Freedom; Spontaneity; Peace of mind.)
This daily practice helps dampen the adverse impact negativity bias (a type of cognitive distortion) has on your life.
Recently, a fellow blogger asked an excellent question regarding tipping points and stress response.
They were curious to know if each of us has a tipping point when it comes to stress management.
And if so, how does it differ from person to person.
I love questions like this because they encourage me to dig deep, reflect, and imagine new ways of perceiving stress.
Stress Thresholds.
Tipping points and thresholds are often used synonymously in the literature. Especially when discussing economic, historical, and ecological phenomenon.
That said, there is a clear distinction between thresholds and tipping points in psychological applications.
Thresholds are more individual (unique to each person), while tipping points are more universal (shared by the majority).
Which is why I see each person’s stress response as more of a stress threshold than a tipping point.
Thresholds vary from person to person (e.g., Type A vs. Type B), situation to situation (e.g., Work vs. Personal), and are based on individual strengths, challenges, and personal history.
See diagram above to help understand how thresholds affect your individual stress response. This graphic also depicts why a certain level of stress (below threshold) can be good for you.
Assess when you cross the threshold from your optimal stress zone (eustress) into your overload stress zone (distress).
Situational Stress and Thresholds.
In addition to overall stress response patterns, thresholds differ from one situation to the next.
Situational fluctuations in thresholds reflect our strengths, challenges, and personal preferences.
We may be good at some things, but we are not great at everything.
For example, the more challenging academic work is for me (high stress threshold) the more I flourish. (Above Left Photo) ❤️📚
While this is not the case with other areas of my life (low stress threshold) and thus I tend to react (too quickly) when under pressure in certain personal situations. (Above Right Photo) 😂😩
Finally, I believe that our ability to cope and thrive under pressure is a lifelong practice. Something that is never mastered – only strengthened.
And the more we learn about life and ourselves, the higher our thresholds will become. As the majority of our stress is beating ourselves up – long after the stressor is gone.
Stop fighting. Start flowing.
