Psychology Insights: Self Criticism to Self Compassion

Why are we so hard on ourselves DrAndreaDinardo.com

WHY ARE WE SO HARD ON OURSELVES?

Great question!

One that I’m asked often. And one that I often ask myself.

PSYCHOLOGY INSIGHTS

What causes this behaviour?

The answer is multifaceted and includes several factors including how we were parented (when internalized superego and conscience first develops) and eventually how we parent ourselves.

For example:

When something goes wrong, how do you respond?

1. Self Criticism versus Self Compassion

2. Self Control versus Self Love and Understanding 

PSYCHOLOGY SOLUTIONS

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How do I make the shift from self criticism to self compassion?

1. Pay attention to where your self judgements originated.

Is this your personal measure of worthiness or society’s expectation of success?

2. Investigate how truly arbitrary the standards you set for yourself are.

For example, who said you had to weigh 125 lbs, have a million dollars in the bank, and be married by 30?

3. Don’t Believe Everything You Think!

  • Watch this short video for additional insights into the developmental origins of toxic self criticism, unrealistic standards, and the SUPERego.

“Be kinder to yourself. And let your kindness flood the world.”

Stay Open to the Possibilities

Embrace Uncertainty

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One of my favourite ways to energize before teaching psychology classes at St. Clair College is to summarize a theory in practical and concrete ways in the parking lot.

Literally! 🚘 

filmed this video 5 minutes before I was about to teach a lecture on personality and positive psychology in my liberal arts class.

Just a few weeks before all St. Clair College classes went fully online due to COVID-19.

In the video above, I talk about the connection between openness and happiness. Openness to experience is one of the Big 5 Personality traits – see figure below.

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Why Openness?

The more open, adventurous, and flexible we are in our thinking (and being), the more likely we are to perceive ambiguity as a pathway to something new and exciting.

A whole new road, yet to be discovered.

openness

Today’s Psychology Lesson

We never know what’s waiting on the other side of COVID uncertainty.

So let’s stay open to the possibilities. 

Trust and believe in our shared journey. 

Even if we can’t see the outcome. 

Together in faith, anything is possible!

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Video of Post ⇒ Click Here

Celebrating Moms Everywhere

Let’s not wait until Mother’s Day to celebrate moms everywhere.

Let’s celebrate moms today.

Including my own.

Moms of every age. Moms of every country. Moms of every kind.

  • Cat moms.
  • Dog moms.
  • Aunt moms.
  • Friend moms.
  • Professor moms.
  • Neighbour moms.

The only thing that matters is love.

Love For Mom

Sharing Mom Memories

And since Mother’s Day is all about love, I wanted to share this fun video memory with you.

Our Recap of That Day:

Don’t chase the destination my dear, chase the feeling.

Because the feeling will always bring you home. 💗

Who’s on your love list today?

 Share how you have fun together

Related Post → Who Inspires You?

Rethink Time Management

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Psychology of Time

Everyone experiences time differently.

Because time truly is relative.

Changing from situation to situation.

For example:

Time perception also varies from person to person.

For example:

Type A versus Type B

Time Defines Us

Taken one step further, time defines who we are, and ultimately who we become.

How we live our days is how we live our lives.

Moments → Hours → Days → Months → Lifetimes

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Mindful Time Management

Which is why the more conscious and aware we become about how we spend and prioritize our time, the more meaningful and satisfying our lives will become.

Time is Money Video

Concrete Examples of Time Usage

Rethink Time

Identify 5 ways you spend 100 units (dollars) of time each day. (As illustrated in the video)

  • For example: gardening (20 units), reading (20 units), writing (20 units), cooking (20 units), complaining (20 units)

Compare and contrast your “money time sheet” with family and friends.

When does time slow down for you? When does time speed up for you?

  • Do you lose “track” of time easily?
  • Is time something you consciously pay attention to?

Are you more influenced by external measures of time?

  • Or an internal “sense” of time?

internal clock.

Has your use of time changed since COVID?

Has your perception of time changed with age?

  • If so how?

The trouble is, you think you have time.

Jack Kornfield

Watch Video of Blog Post → Click Here

May Hope Rise Within You

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Wishing everyone an extra dose of hope + optimism at the start of this brand new month of May. 

  • Paradoxically, I have never felt so close to friends, family, and strangers since social distancing began.

A Worldwide Awakening 

8 billion people experiencing the same global event, at the same time – together. 

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Reflecting Back

This photo was taken at our first ladies night in our new house in Tecumseh, Ontario.

John and I had just gotten engaged. Just bought a house together.

And as you can tell from my big smile, I was excited to share this special moment with my friends.

Beautiful memories to be relived again.. very soon!

Always believe

 

Acceptance: Your Peace Depends on It

Shift your focus.

Change your life.

Acceptance and peace go hand in hand.

peace

Consciously accept the good and the bad that exists in your life.

The rain and the sunlight.

The shadow and the light.

acceptance

Accepting what is does not lower the bar.

Quite the opposite.

Acceptance shines a spotlight on your inner strengths and endurance – independent of outer circumstances.

Strengths in Adversity DRANDREADINARDO.COM

Courage. Creativity. Wisdom. Perseverance.

This very moment in time.

And it’s that good feeling that motivates you to strive for more of what’s right for you. Instead of fighting against what’s wrong for you.

HOW DO I MAKE THE SHIFT?

Begin by accepting what is.

Moment by precious moment.

Your happiness depends on it.

acceptance


Applying this Post in Everyday Life

The 3 to 1 positivity to negativity ratio is one way of applying this post in your everyday life.

Specifically, each time you criticize an area of your life (or something about yourself personally), write down three positive aspects about the very thing you condemned. Hence, the 3 to 1 positivity ratio.

Journal Reflections DrAndreaDinardo.com

For example, each time you get down on yourself for not working during the COVID-19 pandemic, write down three benefits of sheltering in place. (E.g., more time for fitness, the space to try out new hobbies, meaningful conversations with family members). This daily practice helps to dampen the adverse impact of negativity bias, a type of cognitive distortion, common to all of us.

FOMO JOMO DrAndreaDinardo.com

Likewise, stop comparing your lowlights to other people’s highlights. You never know what’s happening behind the scenes in another person’s life. Good or bad. FOMO is “a story” fabricated in the mind based on snippets of observable behaviour (video below).

Reflection Questions

  1. How has COVID-19 eased (or increased) the pressure you put on yourself and the people around you?
  2. What does acceptance “feel” like physically in your body versus fighting “what is”?
  3. What have you surrendered lately? Let go?

Class of 2020: Together We Can Create Opportunity in COVID Adversity

SRC 2020 Graduates Video VIKTOR FRANKL

Three Ways ~ 2020 graduates ~ can bridge the gap between what was ~ and what will be.

  1. 🎓 CONNECT
  2. 🎓 CREATE
  3. 🎓 CRISIS MANAGEMENT

All three resilience  strategies described in full detail in the 8 minute video below:

Hold On

STAY STRONG 2020 Graduates!

Growth happens in the  s p a c e  in between.


St. Clair Student Representative Council DRANDREADINARDO.COM

This video presentation was created in partnership with the Student Representative Council (SRC) at St. Clair College in Windsor Ontario Canada.

🎓 Please Pass It On 🎓

Peer Pressure: What happened when I quit drinking?

Getting ready for my online summer courses which requires a lot of new psychology videos.

Including video discussions on health, wellness, and personal empowerment.

Similar to in person college classes, the goal is to stimulate active discussions and open communication.

For example:

Discussion Topic

What happened when I quit drinking?

Watch this short video on my own experience with peer pressure, alcohol, and behaviour change and answer the questions below.

Reflection Questions

  1. How has peer pressure influenced your life decisions?
  2. Have you experienced unexpected push back from friends and relatives when you made a significant health change? If so, how did you handle it?
  3. In what ways have your peers and community sabotaged your health and wellness choices?
  4.  In what ways have your peers and community supported your health and wellness choices?
  5. What strategies help you stay committed to positive lifestyle decisions?

empowering changeEmpowering

Conversations ⇔ Change 

I also encourage use of this video and reflection questions as an opportunity to talk openly with friends and family about the powerful impact of social influence on substance use. Open conversations empower youth to think for themselves and in turn, reduces their susceptibility to coercion.

Watch Psychology Video Click Here

F45 LIVE | Community Resilience with Dr. Andrea Dinardo

Happy Easter Everyone!

I wanted to share how I have been keeping hope alive in my heart and soul during the month of April. Specifically, by expanding my reach with new virtual experiences. 

lets try something new

April’s New Experience

  • GOAL: Stay Connected to each other in new and novel ways.
  • HOW: Interactive LIVE “Q & A” conversations on the internet.
  • MEDIUM: ZOOM, INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, YOUTUBE.

Inaugural Moment To Share

On April 8, 2020, I experienced my first “live” recorded internet conversation.

brain and heart interactions concept best teamwork

A fun adventure where I share both my home (I literally take you on a video tour) and the routines that keep me smiling – despite the universal crisis we are all experiencing simultaneously.

Watch → F45 LIVE Interview

with Dr. Andrea Dinardo & Samantha Piercell

In the past, online interactions were “an extra” to everyday conversation.

Now they are a necessity for both business and our way of life. An important and crucial way to stay connected to each other and to our hopes and dreams for the future.

Hope and Change

“Adapt or Die” may sound harsh.

But adaptation is truly what’s being asked of us in every area of our lives right now.

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So I figure I might as well jump right in!

Because I would rather ride the wave, than have the wave ride me. 🌊

Resilience Tip

Try Something New Today!

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Watch F45 LIVE Interview 
→ Click Here

Let Your North Star Guide You

My Wish For You Today

May you find peace in your home.

And calm in your heart.

No matter the storm.

PEACE is an inside job. DrAndreaDinardo.com

Psychology Thought for the Day

The goal isn’t to get rid of all our negative thoughts and emotions.

The goal is to change our response to them.

To accept them without judgement.

To transcend them when the time is right.

e·qua·nim·i·ty

Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. “She accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity”.

This video may help:

Let Your North Star Guide You 

How do you rise above? 💫

Watch Video of Post → Click Here