Love is a Language – What’s Yours?

How do you express your love?

Take Quiz

  1. The 5 Love Languages Quiz for Singles: Click Here
  2. The 5 Love Languages Quiz for Couples: Click Here
  3. Paper Version of Quiz — Tap on Photo Below

Love and Social Psychology

One of the reasons I love teaching psychology is that it gives me the opportunity to share why we do what we do. Including in romance!

The more we understand ourselves, the more compassionate we will be about ourselves and others.

Self Awareness and Social Awareness go hand in hand.

So given today is Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be a good time to resurrect a 2019 social psychology lecture on the 5 love languages.

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In this particular psychology class, we talked about: 1) what we value in a relationship, 2) our preferred love language, and 3) possible reasons for romantic successes and failures.

Discussed more fully in the two videos below.

The Theories of Love (Part 1)

In the first video I discuss the psychological theories and related life experiences that lay the foundation for a social psychology class on love and attraction (Chapter 14 in my psychology textbook).

The Reality of Love (Part 2)

In the second video I reflect upon the lessons learned in psychology class and how to apply these love lessons in real life.

Topics covered on video and in class:

  1. While dating, be on the lookout for concrete factual evidence of what is important to you. Both in person and online.
  2. For example, how does “love for family” show up in your potential partner’s actions.
  3. Also, if your relationship values include loyalty, spending time outdoors, and making mental health a priority. Is this something the person you are dating also values and lives by?
  4. It is also important to look beyond the surface and pay attention to nonverbal cues, communication, and behaviour.
  5. Do their words match their behaviour? For example, your date claims to be a great listener while spending the entire night checking their phone.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Maya Angelou
FiveLoveLanguages-Web

Self-Reflection Questions

1. What do you value most in a potential partner?

For example : trustworthiness – kindness – compassion – intelligence – humour – physical attractiveness – attentiveness

2. How do your values match up with your 5 love languages?

For example: Love Notes – Surprise Gifts – Listening – Helping – Quality Time – Cuddling
Love QuizClick Here
Love Video 1Click Here
Love Video 2Click Here

2020 Life Lessons: Be Strong Enough To Be Gentle

Lockdowns have us spending a lot of extra time with the ones we love.

Especially during the holidays.

And if you’re anything like our household, it requires a whole new level of relationship skills.

A deeper level of empathy and compassion for the pressures of the people we are living with.

Helpful Tips: Psychology Today

What worked before, doesn’t necessarily work now.

And if it does, it takes more patience, more compassion, more love.

For ourselves and others.

Emotionally Intelligent COVID Conversations

How does this show up in our home?

Emotional Intelligence: Resources

One approach that has helped tremendously is how I ask to have my needs met.

Not what I say but how I say it.

Same message.

Different Approach.

A new level of gentleness.

Power versus Force

Kindness versus Conviction

The beauty of this 2020 life lesson is that when I am strong enough to be gentle: I am heard.

What life lessons has 2020 taught you?

Watch 2 min Video of Post: Click Here

Energy and Time Management

What we give energy to impacts everything.

Thoughts. Emotions. Actions. People.

Some drain. Others invigorate.

Awareness is the first step to enhancing vitality.

The goal is to identify the source of energy leaks and peaks.

Where to start?

My recent interview on FM 105.9 The Region was designed to help people become more conscious of what depletes their energy and what lifts them up.

Rather than focusing on time, which is finite, I suggested to radio host Candace Sampson that we turn our attention to energy management, which in turn expands the amount of time we have.

Because when we feel energized, we can do twice as much in half the time.

Watch Interview:

What She Said Talk on FM 105.9 The Region

3 Energy Tips Shared:

Tip #1: Debits and Credits
(Energy Audit)
Daily Tracking System of Who and What Depletes You
Tip #2: Put a Time Limit on Negativity
(Stove Timer)
Conscious awareness of how much time with friends and family is spent on complaining (draining) versus solutions (energizing).
Tip #3: Energy is Everywhere
(Combat Boots Anchoring Exercise)
Energetic grounding rituals before interacting online.
*All 3 tips described in detail in both a) the August 20 energy video above and b) the extended September 1 podcast interview below.

Reflection Questions:

  1. How do you manage your energy throughout the day?
  2. Is energy something you consciously pay attention to?
  3. What is your energy level on a scale of 1-10 right now?
  4. What (who) drains you?
  5. What (who) energizes you?
Video of Blog Post: Click Here 

Anger is a sign that something needs to change.

Anger Quote DrAndreaDinardo.com

Individuals are often looking for healthier ways to express their emotions.

For Example: Anger

That said, it’s not as simple as becoming “more calm” or “less explosive”.

The first step in transformation and lasting change is looking below the surface.

The Kübler-Ross Model provides insight:

5 Stages of Grief and Change

The goal is to discover if angry thoughts, actions, or emotions are serving a purpose.

Is anger helping or hurting?

How is anger serving you

Why Anger?

Perhaps anger allows someone to speak up, say no, set a boundary, or bond with friends.

And if this is the case, the goal of psychology coaching is to help clients replace confrontations (for example) with more effective communication patterns.

PSYCHOLOGY HOMEWORK

Anger → Awareness

First: Set aside time to journal thoughts and emotions about “hot topics”. This allows for a cooling off period and a chance for self reflection and integration.

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Second: Plan a mutually beneficial time to discuss anger triggers and solutions with friends and family.

This 2-step communication technique results in safe, open, and engaging conversations that move both relationships and actions forward. Win Win!

Reflection Questions

  1. What Purpose Does Anger Serve in Your Life? Gains versus Losses?
  2. Does It Strengthen or Deplete You?
  3. Does Anger Move You Further Away from Your Dreams or Closer to Your Dreams?
  4. What In Your Life Needs To Change?
  5. Do You Need More Effective Ways of Coping with Frustration and/or Loss?

Once you understand the underlying purpose anger serves in your life, you’re ready for the next stage in the change process:

Transition and Transformation

Change Quote DrAndreaDinardo.com.

Psychology Resources

  1. New Conceptualizations of Anger: https://www.apa.org/monitor/mar03/advances
  2. How Anger Affects the Body: https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/the-mind-body-connection/202007/what-causes-anger-and-how-it-affects-the-body
  3. Healthy Anger Release Techniques: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-release-anger
  4. Assessing Motivation To Change: https://drandreadinardo.com/2018/08/18/why-change-now

Compassionate Listening

Even as a psychologist, I often don’t know what to say.

Especially now with so many people experiencing pain and trauma in escalating ways.

So rather than assume what someone needs, I have learned over the years to ask one simple question:

How Can I Support You?

Dr. Andrea Dinardo Empathic Listen

In doing so, I create a safe space for healing and acceptance.

Something we all need right now, more than ever before.

Unconditional love and support.

To be witnessed. To be heard.

All good conversation begins with listening.

Only then can we transformed by what we learn. 🌎💞

Video of Post ⇒ Click Here

Empowering Conversations.

Empowering Conversations

In today’s psychology class, we discussed how important it is to empower friends, family, and clients going through difficult times.

And how even if we’re an expert in psychology, medicine, or business – it does not make us the master of someone else’s life.86413B3A-117A-451E-9318-CB334FF5E5CC

Together we explored strength based techniques for uplifting and encouraging others in conversation and in daily life.

Acknowledging that we still have so much left to learn about friends and family.

And the only way to do this is to create an inviting listening space between ourselves and the people we meet to be themselves.

its ok to not be ok

Next Steps

Helpful tips for enhancing conversations with clients and family members can be found in the June article in The Drive Magazine (click here) and in the psychology video below —


The Story Behind the Story

This post was inspired by my sister Noelle.

12BB321D-E44A-4F1F-A3DF-D616562A0831“When my sister was 19, she had a brain aneurysm. Every day since, she has struggled to maintain her independence and financial security.

Despite her trauma, Noelle continues to thrive in unexpected and beautiful ways. She never gives up, no matter what comes her way. Over the years, I have discovered the difference it makes when I support Noelle from her perspective, rather than dictating what she needs.”

Excerpt from The Drive Magazine | Issue 122, p. 49

EMPOWERING

Someone with a Brain Injury

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Written with the help of my sister ❤️

Compassion heals.

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Listening heals more hearts than talking ever will.

In my early thirties I was going through a particularly tough time in my life.

A trifecta of life events where every pillar in my world came tumbling down.

Out of all the sadness, the times that I remember the most were the small joys and simple pleasures with my family and friends.

No matter how complicated and messy life became, it was their unwavering support that pulled me through.

“Just being there” is more powerful than most people realize.

Afternoons with my Dad walking down country roads. Weekends with my Mom at the dollar store. Sundays with my big sister at Tim Hortons.

Surprise phone calls from my two brothers. Relaxing with old friends in their cozy homes  — long past the time and energy they initially had for me.

The best kind of love is simple. It creates a safe space to lose yourself and find yourself all over again. No words necessary.

Listening heals more hearts than talking ever will.

Related Post: It’s ok to not be ok.