What we believe matters. As it’s our mindset that shapes our physiological and emotional response to stressful circumstances. Ultimately, determining our ability to bounce back after adversity.
For example, when a relationship ends, if we view it as a personal failure, from a place of blame and shame, we are less likely to try again. Afraid to risk the pain, reluctant to venture beyond our comfort zone.
“Obstacles do not block the path. They are the path.”
On the other hand, if we perceive the same breakup as an opportunity to learn. To begin again. To start over. Fresh. Renewed. We are more open to meeting someone new.
Today I am grateful for all of my relationship failures. For if it weren’t for the loss, the heartache, and the lessons, I never would met the wonderful man that I am married to today.
Trust the Process.
It was not easy at the time. Challenge rarely is. But if we just keep our eyes to the sky, and trust that no matter what we are going through, it will all be worth it in the end.
I hope you find comfort in your discomfort. And beauty in the stars.
By focusing on strengths first, I buffer myself against the vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue often associated with the practice of psychology. And in turn, my positive approach heightens the resilience and stress hardiness in others. (Boomerang effect!)
Everywhere I go, I’m on the lookout for genius. And I don’t mean genius in the general sense. I mean strengths, assets, gifts, capabilities, multiple intelligences that are unique to each person. (Einstein’s quote below captures it perfectly.)
For not only is strengths finding essential for illuminating the abundance in others, it is essential for harnessing the bounty in ourselves.
As each time we witness the light shining brightly in another, we see their radiance reflected back in ourselves.
Reflection Questions
Identify 2-5 strengths that you witnessed in others today. Describe how seeing the strengths in others brought out the strengths in you.
Today I discovered my brother’s ___________. This illuminated my:
Today I noticed my colleague’s ____________. This bolstered my:
Today I uncovered my neighbour’s __________. This reinforced my:
If you need help with finding the good in others especially the challenging people in your life click on this this link to a great article in Psychology Today.
“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” C. S. Lewis
When was the last time you had to start over?
This was a big week back at St. College College — and all colleges across Ontario. Students were returning to school after a 5 week province-wide strike.
An arduous situation that was well beyond student control.
So it was essential that I foster a safe space for students to transition back onto campus and into my psychology classroom. To help them begin again.
My intention was to bridge the gap from stress to strength.
To remind them of times in their lives where they had experienced the stress of starting over. Including the strike. And triumphed despite all the suffering.
For it is in our dark times that we discover our light. And it is in our pain that we find our power. Difficult times force us to dig deep for courage and reach out for support.
And ultimately discover a strength far greater than any adversity.
This week I have never been more proud to be a college professor.
This week students taught me.
What strengths have helped you through challenge & adversity?
Most people wince every time they hear the word “stress”.
It’s as if the whole world has been conditioned to respond to stress the same way, by word alone. A habitual thought response that is often more dangerous than the stressor itself.
What you believe matters.
The latest research in psychology examines stress in an entirely new way.
Rather than viewing stress as unequivocally bad for one’s health, health psychologists pinpoint belief systems as the moderating variable between stress and biology.
Stress perception ↔ Health benefits
“Embracing meaning is more important than reducing discomfort according to Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal. Stress can make us stronger, smarter and happier — if we learn how to open our minds to it.” Source: Stanford News
Which is one of many reasons why I love Dr. McGonigal’s TED Talk. She encourages us to think about stress in a whole newempowering way. With an emphasis on growth, purpose, and meaning over needless suffering.
Mindset is everything.
Using health psychology research, Dr. McGonigal reveals how perceiving stress as either positive or negative can have a “live or die” impact on individual stress response.
Change your thoughts. Change your stress response.
Believe that stress is good for you (eg., stress heightens awareness) and you live longer.
Alternatively, believe that stress is bad for you (eg., stress causes heart attacks) and you die sooner.
But don’t take my word for it.
You need to experience your own “Aha Moment” firsthand.
How to make stress your friend.
In the video below, Dr. McGonigal illustrates the many upsides of stress, including help seeking behaviour, increased energy, and robust health. She also backs up her stress positive claims with census records and comprehensive health research.
Hope you enjoy these fresh, new ideas about stress as much as I do!
“Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal urges us to see stress as a positive.” Source: TED Talks
Helpful resources for adopting a resilience mindset:
When life changes direction, are you able to change with it?
Are you flexible and open to new experiences?
Are you able to break free from old patterns and habits?
Or do you struggle to adapt to anything new and different?
Flexibility and Change
In this interview on CBC-TV, Chris Hyndman and I examine the psychology of change. Including how individual differences (e.g., Type A vs. Type B, Optimist vs. Pessimist) impact how we respond to change. We also share 5 ways to embrace change. Including staying open and receptive to new beginnings and unexpected opportunities.
So it’s no wonder that I love this very cool day dedicated to smiling. If you’re also interested, you can check out the World Smile Day website. It’s filled with articles, history, and fun events happening around the world. Smiling rocks!
Fascinating research on smiling.
Smiles are more than skin deep.
Have you ever wondered why you can’t help but smile back when someone smiles at you? And why it feels so good when someone (strangers included) smile. It turns out that smiling is linked to a specific type of neuron called mirror neurons.
“Neuroscientist Giacomo Rizzolatti, MD, who with his colleagues at the University of Parma first identified mirror neurons, says that these neurons could help explain how and why we “read” other people’s minds and feel empathy for them.” Source: APA Monitor
The ripple effect of positivity.
Mirror theory helps us understand why emotions are so contagious. Just like mirrors reflecting back visual images, mirror neurons cause us to instinctively mimic the facial expressions and emotions of others. Simply seeing someone smile generates a community chain reaction of positive emotions and behaviour.
One more reason to share your good vibes with the world.
For the next 24 hours, make note of all the things that make you smile. Big smiles. Small smiles. Sly smiles. Goofy smiles. Anything and everything in between.
Just writing about what makes you smile – will make you smile. I guarantee it.
Teaching college students all about positive psychology makes me smile!
Have you ever wondered how your best friend lives so freely “moment-to-moment” while your mind is imprisoned by thoughts of past events and/or planning of future events (so neatly) written in your (overly structured) daytimer?
Brain Hemispheric Specialization provides insight into why some of us are more present focused and able to “go with the flow” (Right Brain dominant); while others are busy planning their days with the step-by-step precision of a NASA engineer (Left Brain dominant).
Your Brain and Behaviour
Despite being identical in structure, the two halves of the brain specialize in how they process information (e.g., Past vs. Present), and how they function (e.g., Verbal vs. Nonverbal).
Time Processing: Past vs. Present
Left hemisphere – processes information sequentially, one bit at a time
Right hemisphere – processes information globally, considering it as a whole
Brain Functions: Linguistic vs. Spatial
Left hemisphere – includes verbal tasks, such as speaking, reading, thinking, and reasoning.
Right hemisphere – includes nonverbal areas such as the understanding of spatial relationships, recognition of patterns and drawings, music, and emotional expression,
Personally, I obtained a score of 10 on this test – indicating that I am equally Left and Right Brained.
Which didn’t surprise me as I often “lay the table” with outlines, organizers, etc. (Left Brain) and the moment I feel safe, grounded, and prepared, I sit back and watch the ideas fly! (Right Brain)
What about you? How did you score on the Left/Right Brain Dominance Test? Was it what you expected? Were the results consistent with how you live your life? Did you learn something new about yourself?
2. Watch the following 20 minute video to: a) learn firsthand about L-R brain specialization and b) discover how Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor turned her real-life tragedy into an awe inspiring “Stroke of Insight“. I am still moved to tears by her story! I hope you are too. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is resilience personified.
The more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner peace circuitry of our right hemisphere, the more peaceful our planet will be.
TEDx Speaker Jill Bolte Taylor
Psychology Class
This post is a summary of this week’s psychology lecture and Chapter 2 of my psychology textbook.
How can two people experience the same stressful event and react in incredibly different ways? What explains the difference between stress thrivers and non-thrivers?
“Resilience is what gives people the psychological strength to cope with stress. They understand that setbacks happen and sometimes life is hard and painful. They still experience the emotional pain, grief, and sense of loss that comes after a tragedy, but their mental outlook allows them to work through such feelings and recover.” Source: Living Well
Building Stress Resilience
Stress hardiness is a pathway to resilience – the ability to remain healthy and strong during stressful and challenging times.
How can educators help foster stress resilience in their students?
We all have stress. It’s a universal human experience. The key is to not let stress become our identity.
Instead, with and open mindset and the right set of resilience skills we have the opportunity to reach a whole new level of purpose and well-being.
Stress Resilience for Success
At the start of my stress presentation at the guidance counsellors forum, I discuss how resilience begins with a strength mindset. And equally that openness to challenge is essential for success.
Too much time in our comfort zone stalls growth.
Feeling safe is important. But we shouldn’t consider it a resting place. More of a launching pad!
Reframe openness as a verb and challenge your students to try something new today.
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”
Need help embracing change but don’t know where to start? In my interview on CBC-TV I share 5 positive ways to embrace change using the principles of positive psychology.
When you notice the blessings in your life (big or small), happiness happens. One conscious thought. One mindful emotion. One insightful gesture. One moment of wonder.. at a time.☀️
Most people wince every time they hear the word “stress”.
It’s as if the whole world has been conditioned to respond to stress the same way, by the word alone. A habitual thought response that is often more dangerous than the stressor itself.
Which is one of many reasons why I love Kelly McGonigal’s TED Talk. It encourages us to think about stress in a whole new way.
Change your thoughts. Change your response.
Using health psychology research, Dr. McGonigal reveals how perceiving stress as either positive or negative can have this “live or die” impact on your stress response.
Stress can be good (or bad) for you.
Believe that stress is good for you and you live (longer). Alternatively, believe that stress is bad for you and you die (sooner).
Powerful words. Solid research to back her statements up.
Hope you enjoy the video!
“Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal urges us to see stress as a positive.” Source: TED Talks
By focusing on strengths first, I buffer myself against the vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue often associated with the practice of psychology. And in turn, my positive approach heightens the resilience and stress hardiness in others. (Boomerang effect!)
Everywhere I go, I’m on the lookout for genius. And I don’t mean genius in the general sense. I mean strengths, assets, gifts, capabilities, multiple intelligences that are unique to each person. (Einstein’s quote below captures it perfectly.)
For not only is strengths finding essential for illuminating the abundance in others, it is essential for harnessing the bounty in ourselves.
As each time we witness the light shining brightly in another, we see their radiance reflected back in ourselves.
Reflection Questions
Identify 2-5 strengths that you witnessed in others today. Describe how seeing the strengths in others brought out the strengths in you.
Today I discovered my sister’s ___________. This illuminated my:
Today I noticed my manager’s ____________. This bolstered my:
Today I uncovered my student’s __________. This reinforced my:
If you need help with finding the good in others especially the challenging people in your life click on this this link to a great article in Psychology Today.
I love questions like this because they encourage me to dig deep, reflect, and imagine new ways of perceiving stress.
Stress Thresholds
Tipping points and thresholds are often used synonymously in the literature. Especially when discussing economic, historical, and ecological phenomenon.
That said, there is a clear distinction between thresholds and tipping points in psychological applications.
Thresholds are more individual (unique to each person), while tipping points are more universal (shared by the majority).
Which is why I see each person’s stress response as more of a stress threshold than a tipping point.
Thresholds vary from person to person (e.g., Type A vs. Type B), situation to situation (e.g., Work vs. Personal), and are based on individual strengths, challenges, and personal history.
See diagram above to help understand how thresholds affect your individual stress response. This graphic also depicts why a certain level of stress (below threshold) can be good for you.
Assess when you cross the threshold from your optimal stress zone (eustress) into your overload stress zone (distress).
Situational Stress, Anxiety, and Thresholds
We may be good at some things, but we are not great at everything.
For example, the more challenging academic work is for me (high stress threshold) the more I flourish. Mostly because this is my area of expertise.
While this is not the case with other areas of my life (low stress threshold) and thus I tend to react (too quickly) when under pressure in certain personal situations.
In addition to overall stress response patterns, thresholds differ from one situation to the next.
Situational fluctuations in thresholds reflect our strengths, challenges, and personal preferences.
Finally, I believe that our ability to cope and thrive under pressure is a lifelong practice. Something that is never mastered – only strengthened.
And the more we learn about life and ourselves, the higher our thresholds will become. As the majority of our stress is beating ourselves up – long after the stressor is gone.
3 C’s of Thriving Under Pressure
Reflection Questions About Stress
How does your stress threshold differ from others?
Compare your personal stress threshold to family members, friends, coworkers.
Are you the most high strung of your siblings?
Are you the most carefree teacher in the school?
In what situations is your stress threshold higher vs. lower?
Compare your situational stress threshold across multiple settings.
When do you stress out at work?
Is it only during public presentations?
In contrast, when are you more relaxed relaxed and easy going?
Are you more relaxed during independent work?
What are the benefits of stress and pressure in your life?
Strength is hard won. No one can buy it for you. Give it to you. Leave it for you in their will. Strength is built from challenge, from difficulty, from overcoming.
When you deprive someone of life’s ordinary trials and tribulations by rescuing them each time they fall, you deprive them of their strength, their resilience, their ability to save themselves.
The next time you’re tempted to save someone from hardship (out of guilt or for any other reason), let this moment be your wake up call.
You are not a bad person for keeping your distance when someone suffers through heartaches, school difficulties, job challenges, financial woes.
Quite the opposite. When you hold yourself back from rescuing people from life’s normal ups and downs, you allow them the opportunity to build strength. Something that can never be taken away.
Strength is my armour.
Hard won. Forever mine.
Today, I am thankful for every hardship, for every challenge, for every hard fought battle. Why? For they have chiseled in me, an inner strength that rises up – every single time I meet a new difficulty.
In this video I share how the compassion fatigue I experienced early in my career led to my current work in positive psychology, stress resilience, and thriving under pressure (topic of my TEDx Talk).
Your Turn
Which challenges created your greatest strengths?
Which difficulties paved the way for unexpected opportunities?
Sometimes it’s the smallest things that have the greatest impact on our happiness.
Something so close, so within reach, we often forget it was there in the first place. The good night’s sleep we’re yearning for.. waiting patiently at the end of each day. The connection to nature we’re searching for.. available 24/7 just beyond our front door. That extra deep breath.. we so often forget to take.
You possess a power so magnificent, so liberating, right under your nose.
Inhale Peace. Exhale Difficulty.
Just Breathe
Breathing is one of the few physiological functions that can be controlled both consciously and unconsciously.
When everything feels out of control, breathing is the one thing that will always be within our control. The times we’re under the most amount of stress is the exact time we need to expand our breathing – not restrict it.
We must become conscious of breath.
The next time you’re under any kind of pressure. Stuck in traffic. Rushing from class to class. Dealing with a difficult customer at work. Desperately trying to recall answers on a final exam. Wake up to the formidable power that exists within you. Right here. Right now. Right under your nose. Breathe.
Thriving Under Pressure 