Positive Psychology & Stress Resilience
Believing that you can try again.
Believing you are never alone.
Believing that things are going to get easier.
In psychology class this week, I teach one of my favourite subjects – Stress, Coping, and Health Psychology Chapter 11 in my psychology textbook.
I purposely teach this topic during the height of midterms. Raising awareness about the healthy (and not so healthy) ways students manage stress is critical for building resilience.
One of my top 10 techniques for shifting students from stress to strength is to share what’s going right even (especially) when things are going wrong. Small uplifts in the course of the day change everything. Fleeting. Unexpected. Goodness.
Based on my experience as a school psychologist, I will never deny the stress students are under. Witnessing adversity is an essential part of moving through it. However, I choose not to remain in the territory of “what’s wrong” for too long.
Once we acknowledge what’s wrong. We open our eyes to the grace that takes place throughout the day.
Students make the shift from powerless to empowered by sharing ordinary joys happening in their lives.
A radiant smile from a fellow commuter. Free coffee at McDonald’s. An unexpected A on a paper. A sweet parking spot. Spending time with an old friend. A surprise compliment from a stranger. Laughing out loud with fellow classmates. A really good night’s sleep.
And I’m the fortunate professor who gets to hear all these uplifts at the end of a long, rainy day. One more reason why I love working with students.
As a psychology professor and former school psychologist, I talk about mental health issues with students every single day.
My classroom is a safe place for students to be themselves.
Which is critical when working with youth (18-24) who represent the highest proportion of individuals with mental illness.
Education helps bridge the gap between fear and freedom.
And so does an open heart. And an open mind.
I believe in my students. In their potential. In their dreams.
I believe in their ability to overcome challenge, adversity, and self-stigma.
Students need my support and encouragement.
And an educational community that truly cares.
Because self-stigma is real.
And often more silencing than social stigma.
Because sharing our story is one of the scariest and most liberating things we’ll ever do.
Be it about mental illness or another vulnerable part of our lives.
Which is why the best place to open up the conversation about mental illness is to meet students where they are.
These are their words.
Ontario student mental health helpline ⇒ Visit Good2Talk.ca
Click on TEDx Video → Thriving Under Pressure
I have been working on a TEDx project with the University of Windsor TEDx team since last year. And just an hour ago, I received the good news that the finished video was uploaded to the official TEDx site today! So pumped!
In my TEDx Talk I discuss how to THRIVE under pressure using 3 stress resilience tools: challenge, control and commitment.
The purpose of this talk and my blog is to help students develop positive coping techniques in fun, interactive, and uplifting ways.
By first focusing on what is right, before examining what is wrong, students can be transformed by their challenges and adversities. 🌴💚
If you like, please share this TEDx video with friends and family on social media. The wider its reach, the more people I can help thrive under pressure!
A friend of mine recently returned home from vacation to find his newly constructed house flooded.
The feelings of helplessness that followed were magnified by the story he was telling himself on repeat. That he was an idiot. Naive. A loser. Stupid for not knowing better.
This was something completely beyond his control. Yet there he was battling Mother Nature head on.
Making himself entirely responsible for the deluge of rain. All powerful. Yet completely powerless. Imprisoned by his thoughts alone.
He and his wife had only lived in their new home for 18 months. A dream house built for retirement.
Every aspect of the design painstakingly conceived. Which only amplified his despair.
But in that moment, the story in his mind was filled with self-accusation and punishment. Second guessing on repeat.
The loop in his head based on the assumption that he was all-mighty. At the epicentre of the universe. Fully in charge of Mother Nature and her actions.
This is what happens when we lose control of external circumstances. We attempt to control it internally.
Logically, he knew that it was not the end of the world. That there were far worse things that could have happened and have happened in his life.
But in times of panic, our emotional brain (the amygdala) hijacks our thinking brain and we can no longer think rationally.
And that’s ok. Because in order to heal, we must first bear witness to our pain. Only then can we move on and beyond.
It has been four days since the flood and thank goodness the overwhelming feelings of helplessness have subsided for my friend.
Time heals. And so does a wife’s love. The support of neighbours. And a mom’s embrace.
It happened. He is strengthened. He will thrive.
Now when he passes the construction zone in his house, instead of chastising himself, he thinks of how lucky he is to have a basement renovation just 18 months after moving in. Same basement. Different narrative.
With time, I have come to realize that failure has always been my greatest teacher. Each failure pointed me in a better direction. Helped me to develop strength and authenticity. Ultimately unveiling who I was and what I was destined to become.
Learning from failure is the ultimate goal. That said, not everyone responds to failure in the same way, at the same time.
Our reaction to failure is determined by several factors, including:
The key to supporting someone experiencing failure is not to rush them through the healing process. Yes, in the long run, the gifts of failure outweigh the costs. But we must be sensitive to how dark it feels in the eye of the storm. Only then can move towards the light.
Under the right conditions, failure strengthens us, adds to our self-knowledge, and enhances the quality of our lives.
Your turn:
Instead of seeing obstacles and stressors as taking you down.
Try perceiving challenges as taking you UP ↑
Again and again and again.
I am excited to share an interview, photos, and a short video clip from yesterday’s TEDx Event at the University of Windsor. It was one of the most positive speaking experiences I’ve ever had. Truly magical.
Related Post: How I prepared my TEDx Speech.
(You’ve been dumped.)
(You’ve failed.)
(You’ve been rejected.)
(You’ve been without money.)
Afraid of being _________?
(You’ve been _________.)
Remember – you have been here before.
You have more knowledge and experience than you recognize.
You have faced this fear before.
And you have thrived because of it.
(You may not realize it – but you have.)
And you have the power to kick this fear right to the curb.
