Failure as Feedback

Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.

With time, I have come to realize that failure has always been my greatest teacher. Each failure pointed me in a better direction and helped me to develop strength and authenticity, ultimately unveiling who I was and what I was destined to become

F. A. I. L. = First Attempt In Learning

• The failing grade I received on my first exam in graduate school taught me how to ask for support when I needed it most, no matter how shameful I felt or embarrassed I was.

• The end of a long-term relationship taught me how to value my time alone and make tough decisions for myself, no matter how weak I felt or lonesome I was.

• The layoff from a job I loved taught me how to let go, look forward, and trust in something so much bigger than myself, no matter how scared I was or irrelevant I felt.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

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Is it possible to see failure in a positive light?

Under the right conditions, failure strengthens us, adds to our self-knowledge, and enhances the quality of our lives

• If it weren’t for failure, I would not have met my husband John.

• If it weren’t for failure, I would not be a psychology professor.

• If it weren’t for failure, I would not have written three textbooks.

• If it weren’t for failure, I would not be the person I am today.

“Failure is the opportunity to begin again.”

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Read My Article in The Drive Magazine: https://thedrivemagazine.com/posts/failure-as-feedback

 Your Turn:

What has failure taught you?

Watch Video of Post: Click Here

Can Trauma and Happiness Coexist?

Dr. Andrea Dinardo Trauma

Is it possible to feel joy in the face of adversity?

Strength during the lowest of lows?

Creativity in the midst of destruction?

Peace in difficulty?

Vibrancy during cancer?

Happiness during COVID-19?

In the video below, I share some personal examples from my own upbringing on how my parents found strength and contentment during even the darkest of times.

Your Thoughts:

Can trauma and happiness coexist?

I’d love to hear your ideas, theories, and personal stories.

Video of Post → Click Here

3 Ways to Create Opportunity in COVID Adversity: Class of 2020

SRC 2020 Graduates Video VIKTOR FRANKL

Three Ways ~ 2020 graduates ~ can bridge the gap between what was ~ and what will be.

  1. 🎓 CONNECT
  2. 🎓 CREATE
  3. 🎓 CRISIS MANAGEMENT

All three resilience  strategies described in full detail in the 8 minute video below:

Hold On

STAY STRONG 2020 Graduates!

Growth happens in the  s p a c e  in between.


St. Clair Student Representative Council DRANDREADINARDO.COM

This video presentation was created in partnership with the Student Representative Council (SRC) at St. Clair College in Windsor Ontario Canada.

🎓 Please Pass It On 🎓

LIVE Psychology Education Session with Team F45

Hello Everyone!

I wanted to share how I have been keeping hope alive in my heart and soul during COVID-19. Specifically, by expanding my reach with new virtual experiences. 

lets try something new

A New Experience

  • GOAL: Stay Connected to each other in new and novel ways.
  • HOW: Interactive LIVE “Q & A” conversations on the internet.
  • MEDIUM: ZOOM, INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, YOUTUBE.

Inaugural Moment To Share

This Spring I experienced my first “live” recorded internet conversation.

brain and heart interactions concept best teamwork

A fun adventure where I share both my home (I literally take you on a video tour) and the routines that keep me smiling – despite the universal crisis we are all experiencing simultaneously.

Watch → F45 LIVE Interview

with Dr. Andrea Dinardo & Samantha Piercell

In the past, online interactions were “an extra” to everyday conversation.

Now they are a necessity for both business and our way of life. An important and crucial way to stay connected to each other and to our hopes and dreams for the future.

Hope and Change

“Adapt or Die” may sound harsh.

But adaptation is truly what’s being asked of us in every area of our lives right now.

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So I figure I might as well jump right in!

Because I would rather ride the wave, than have the wave ride me. 🌊

Resilience Tip

Try Something New Today! 

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Watch F45 LIVE Interview 
→ Click Here

Windsor Updates Spotlight

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Community Spotlight 

Today I would like to shine a light on a local entrepreneur named Alex Binaei, the creative mind behind Windsor Updates and the video highlighted in this post.

Adversity → Creativity

Alex’s video for Windsor Updates is one of the best examples of how crisis and adversity create innovation and ingenuity. In both our community and in ourselves.

♥  Pass It On ♥

Windsor Updates

This video is a compilation of news, announcements, and local community members discussing the Covid-19 (Coronavirus) pandemic taking place in Windsor-Essex Ontario and around the world. Including offers of support, advice, and information.

Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.”

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Research on Social Support & Psychological Health

Being surrounded by people who are supportive helps individuals see themselves as capable of handling stress and adversity. Research has also shown that having strong social support in times of crisis can help reduce the consequences of trauma-induced disorders including PTSD.

Original Source: Click Here

Thank you Windsor Updates for including me in this vital project. Your ingenuity and generosity gives me strength and hope! ♥

What has COVID-19 awakened in you?

How is everyone doing?

How are you coping with our shared worldwide experience?

How has your perception of yourself and the world evolved?

How has COVID-19 transformed you?

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I Am Waking Up

After socially distancing for several days, and working full-time from home as a psychology professor (now online), I had never felt more appreciative and grateful for all the simple joys in my life.

Walking on campus. Smiling in the hallways. Laughing with students. Chatting in the parking lot. Coffee at Starbucks. High Fives At The Gym. Wandering Freely Through Bookstores. Movies at Silver City. Buttery popcorn. Ice cold pop. A Gathering in The Park.

Love List

So much goodness that I often took for granted in the course of an ordinary day.

Every adversity, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.

What is the higher lesson in all of this?

In the video above created for a community resilience project — I share all the ways my husband John and I are thriving (instead of merely surviving) the COVID-19 crisis. Including counting our blessings like never before.

Community Resilience Dr. Andrea Dinardo.

Community Resilience

Now is the opportunity to come together as a resilient community. From the basement of our fears to the penthouse of our faith. Rising in unison. Together in strength and love.


Your Thoughts

What has COVID-19 crisis awakened in you?

How has your inner and outer life evolved?

How have you thrived and grown?

Stay Well My Friends! 🌍 🦋 

“Like the butterfly, I have the hope, the strength, and the faith to believe that in time, we will emerge from our cocoon transformed.

Video of Post ⇒ Click Here 

The Power of Breathing Space: You are Safe

Every time we take a long deep breath, we are telling our bodies that we are safe.

Each breath connecting
our mind, body, and heart.

Bringing us back to present time.

Dr. Andrea Dinardo Breathing Space

Breathing Techniques To Try

Follow Your Breath Become aware of each inhalation and exhalation. Focus on the sensations you feel as air passes through your nose and throat. When you feel your thoughts drift, gently redirect your attention back to your breath.

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Stand Up Straight Posture is especially important for breathing. Being upright enhances the rhythmic movement between the diaphragm and ribs. Hold yourself straight. Shoulders back. Feel the power of your breath.

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Think Reassuring Thoughts While Breathing With each breath, think soothing thoughts (“I am inhaling calm”). With each exhalation, imagine that you are expelling your fears and worries (“I am exhaling worry”).

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Abdominal Breathing Breathe through your stomach. Start by inflating your belly by inhaling, as if to fill it with air, then swell your chest; as you exhale, first “empty” your stomach, then your chest.

Breathing Quotes - Dr. Andrea Dinardo

Balanced Breathing At the end of each inhalation, pause briefly while slowly counting “1, 2, 3”. Hold the air in. Then slowly exhale counting “1, 2, 3”.

Source: Scientific American

Reflection Questions

What brings you peace during uncertainty?

What gives you strength?

Breathing Video → Click Here

Ambitious Mama Podcast: Thriving Under Pressure & Posttraumatic Growth

Dr. Andrea Dinardo Ambitious Mama Podcast

Podcast Details & Show Notes

I was recently interviewed by wellness entrepreneur Christa Realba for her Ambitious Mama Podcast Series.

During the podcast, Christa and I discussed how posttraumatic growth and thriving under pressure are possible for all of us.

In different gradients, and at different times for sure. Depending on where you are on your journey.

Dr. Andrea Dinardo PTG Resources
Click Here for Helpful Workbook & Resources

We also discussed how we all have pain and adversity. It’s universal to all of us.

The key is to not get stuck in the challenge and let pain become your identity.

Dr. Andrea Dinardo Resilience

Instead, with support, encouragement, and the right set of resilience skills (this is what I teach), we all have the capacity to grow from difficulty.

To learn from it. To rise up and begin again when the time is right.

In addition to the podcast, resilience is discussed in more detail in my TEDx Talk and on my Psychology Blog, both called “Thriving Under Pressure”: https://DrAndreaDinardo.com

Listen to Podcast

  1.  Apple iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/thriving-under-pressure-with-dr-andrea-dinardo/id1482282864?i=1000464930886
  2. Anchor FM: https://anchor.fm/ambitiousmama/episodes/Thriving-Under-Pressure-with-Dr–Andrea-Dinardo-ealagi
  3. Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/ambitious-mama/e/67169349

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Your Turn

Do you believe thriving under pressure + posttraumatic growth are possible for all of us? Why or why not? Tune into my latest podcast interview and let me know what you think!

Related Post: Teaching Resilience at School

3 C’s of Thriving Under Pressure

A map for transforming stress into strength

Dr. Andrea Dinardo THRIVING UNDER PRESSURE

In my TEDx Talk and in the leadership videos below, I discuss how to THRIVE under pressure using 3 stress resilience tools:

1. Commitment

Envisioning a higher purpose above and beyond the immediate stressor.

2. Control

Focusing on the things you can change and letting go of the things you can’t.

3. Challenge

Reframing stressful challenges as opportunities for growth.

Thriving Under Pressure

My TEDx Talk includes all 3 C’s of Thriving Under Pressure: challenge, control, commitment.

Inspiration for TEDx Talk + Psychology Blog

I created my psychology blog and TEDx Talk (both called “Thriving Under Pressure”) in response to rising levels of student stress and anxiety.

The goal is to help students (and you) develop positive coping techniques in fun, interactive, and uplifting ways.

Dr. Andrea DINARDO
By first focusing on what is right, before examining what is wrong, people are motivated to move beyond, and in some cases, be transformed by their challenges and adversities.

Coping with loneliness during the holidays.

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When we feel a painful emotion, our first instinct is to pull away. To numb the pain. To hide from the intensity.

This was the case for Sarah and Jack, two unique individuals with vastly different circumstances. But they each experienced the same emotion: loneliness. An emotion that is heightened during the holidays.

Original Source:

I originally wrote this article for The Drive Magazine.

https://thedrivemagazine.com/posts/lean-into-loneliness/

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SARAH

Sarah was a 42-year-old recently divorced woman who was about to face her first holiday season alone. Living in a new town, miles away from friends and family, she was waiting to begin a new job in January. Hours felt like days.

Days felt like months. Sarah had tried everything to fill the void inside. The mistake she made was running away from the one thing that would help get her to the other side: loneliness itself.

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Knowledge is power

1. Understand the emotion

We need to first understand an emotion before we jump to the conclusion that it’s either good or bad, because in reality, emotions are almost entirely physiological in nature.

There’s not a negative or positive to them. It’s in our mind that we make it one or the other. This concept is supported by Schachter-Singer’s theory of emotion:

schacter singer

This theory of emotion explains why two people can experience the exact same event and have completely different emotional reactions to it.

What matters most is the person’s interpretation of an event, not the event itself. After all, as they say, one person’s glass-half-full is another one’s glass-half-empty.

In Sarah’s situation, she interpreted her physiological response to idle time as loneliness, while another person might label it as much-needed relaxation. Ultimately, Sarah has a choice. One interpretation debilitates; the other empowers.

2. Witness the emotion

Now that Sarah understands the interpretative power she holds over her environmental triggers, the next step is to witness loneliness in a neutral, curious state rather than fighting it at every turn.

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In doing so, Sarah neutralizes the intensity of her emotions, allowing them to flow through her, rather than getting stuck in a repetitive loop of pain.

Here are four simple ways to create space between triggers and responses:

1. Count to 10

2. Take a long deep breath

3. Make three wishes

4. Look up at the sky

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Taken one step further, each time that Sarah experiences a challenging emotion during the holidays, rather than running from it she needs to lean in and ask that emotion, “What are you trying to teach me?”

3. Reframe the emotion

The final step for Sarah is to learn how to reframe the situations that trigger her loneliness, and understand why sometimes she overreacts, while other times she lets go without a second thought.

Solitude is perceived as isolation by one person and freedom by another.

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Reframing exercise:

1. Identify a situation that triggers loneliness.

2. Imagine the best-case scenario: “This situation is temporary.”

3. Look for evidence of the best-case scenario: “The longest I’ve been single is two years.”

4. Describe the worst-case scenario: “I will be alone forever.”

5. Name the benefits of the worst-case scenario: “I am free to do what I want.”

6. Finally, ask for help in reframing triggers, especially when feeling overwhelmed.

Once Sarah learns how to change the story “behind” the story, her instinctive loneliness lessens. And her ability to choose a higher thought improves.

Watch Video Summary

Click Here

JACK

At 55 years of age, Jack was also feeling the pangs of loneliness. His wife of 25 years died suddenly of a heart attack two years ago.

Unexpected was an understatement. They had run in three marathons together and had spent their weekends sampling new vegan restaurants in their local community. Ever since his wife had died, Jack struggled to face the holidays alone.

Jack’s story is as much about him as it is about the family around him. His family and friends’ automatic response was to feel sorry for him, a response that compounded his feelings of disconnectedness and misunderstanding.

Jack did not want people to feel sorry for him. He was a proud man who was ready to move on.

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Get out of your own head

1. Meet with “experienced” widowers

As much as Jack missed his wife, he also missed his ability to connect authentically with friends and family. Having been treated with kid gloves since his wife died, Jack longed to be seen as a victor rather than a victim

As such, I encourage Jack to connect with like-minded individuals who had been through a similar situation: widows and widowers. Specifically, ones who had been on their own for several years.

The benefits are twofold. One, Jack would learn new ways of relating to friends and family. And two, he’d be given the green light to grow and acclimate to his new circumstances.

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2. Connect with others in unexpected, low-pressure ways

The other component missing in Jack’s life was fun. Simple, cheerful, good-time fun. Everything had become so serious since his wife died, with almost every conversation beginning or ending with his wife’s death.

There was no doubt that he missed her with all his heart. But equally, he longed for moments where he could be free of the loneliness and pain.

I recommend that Jack reintroduce sports into his life. Something non-competitive that would get him out of the house on a Wednesday night. Better yet, if it involved people that he had never met, it would allow him to continue his journey of reinvention and rediscovery.

Equally therapeutic for Jack would be joining a cinema group or regular euchre meetup—both would offer him a chance to be in the moment and enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

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3. Honour the old, create the new

Finally, I advise Jack to examine the memories and traditions that he wanted to keep alive during the holidays—and, equally, the ones of which he was ready to let go.

Jack took the practice one step further. Declaring December a month of renewal and reinvention, he revived a strength and peace inside that radiated out to his entire family.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Conclusion 

Jack and Sarah have a lot to teach us about loneliness and how important it is to honour the unique ways in which we process adversity.

One size does not fit all. Fellowship and fun were vital for Jack’s growth and recovery, while Sarah needed a more analytical approach to processing difficulty.

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• Lean into loneliness

• Approach it with openness and curiosity

• Make space for the lessons beneath the suffering

Disclaimer: This post and magazine article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. To protect the privacy of individuals, names and identifying details have been changed.

Your Turn

1. How do you cope with difficult emotions during the holidays?

2. What strategies do you use to make peace with the heightened pressures of the Christmas season?

3. What are your unique traditions and one-of-a-kind celebrations?

Video of Blog Post → Click Here