My mission in life is to encourage people to own their choices – no matter how big or how small. In doing so, individuals will uncover the magnificent power that lives within them.
Embracing the power to choose one’s emotions, thoughts, and reactions to life’s circumstances is the key which unlocks personal freedom and empowerment.
By focusing on strengths first, I buffer myself against the vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue often associated with the practice of psychology. And in turn, my positive approach heightens the resilience and stress hardiness in others. (Boomerang effect!)
Everywhere I go, I’m on the lookout for genius. And I don’t mean genius in the general sense. I mean strengths, assets, gifts, capabilities, multiple intelligences that are unique to each person. (Einstein’s quote below captures it perfectly.)
For not only is strengths finding essential for illuminating the abundance in others, it is essential for harnessing the bounty in ourselves.
As each time we witness the light shining brightly in another, we see their radiance reflected back in ourselves.
Reflection Questions
Identify 2-5 strengths that you witnessed in others today. Describe how seeing the strengths in others brought out the strengths in you.
Today I discovered my brother’s ___________. This illuminated my:
Today I noticed my colleague’s ____________. This bolstered my:
Today I uncovered my neighbour’s __________. This reinforced my:
If you need help with finding the good in others especially the challenging people in your life click on this this link to a great article in Psychology Today.
Each time we feel threatened (threat is the fundamental definition of stress) our first instinct is to “fight or flight“. PUFF UP or Shrink.
This perpetual “fight or flight” response loop eventually creates a host of secondary problems, above and beyond, the original stressor (or oppressor).
It does not matter how we attempt to “control” a stressful situation – physically, verbally, or by running away from it.
Eventually, a repetitive “fight or flight” response cycle will take a significant physical and psychological toll.
IS THERE A BETTER WAY ?
FEAR ->Face Everything And Rise.
Strengths First.
The acronym Face Everything And Risereminds us that the many strengths within us will always be greater than the perceived threats (stress) outside of us.
The key is to first discover and then embrace, each and every one of our divine gifts. Within us. And all around us.
Stand Your Sacred Ground.
The mantra Stand Your Sacred Ground inspires usto stand still, take a deep breath, and trust that being yourself is enough.
“You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.”
The Beauty of NO.
When you learn to say no to something you no longer want to do, to people you no longer want to spend time with, to projects you no longer have time for, your world does not get smaller.
Your World Gets BIGGER.
Each time you have the strength to say no to takers who drain your time, your energy, your resources, your patience – you create more space for each authentic, heartfelt, luminescent, unconditional, absolute YES!
More Room for YES.
Each time you have the courage to say no to people pleasing – you create more time (for the people, projects, and places that truly matter), more truth (about who you really are, and what you really want to do), more opportunities (to make a meaningful difference in this world), more freedom (to follow your dreams, your destiny, your calling), and ultimately, more genuine happiness to share with this great big, beautiful world.
This is your world. This is your life. This is your time to shine!
By focusing on strengths first, I buffer myself against the vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue often associated with the practice of psychology. And in turn, my positive approach heightens the resilience and stress hardiness in others. (Boomerang effect!)
Everywhere I go, I’m on the lookout for genius. And I don’t mean genius in the general sense. I mean strengths, assets, gifts, capabilities, multiple intelligences that are unique to each person. (Einstein’s quote below captures it perfectly.)
For not only is strengths finding essential for illuminating the abundance in others, it is essential for harnessing the bounty in ourselves.
As each time we witness the light shining brightly in another, we see their radiance reflected back in ourselves.
Reflection Questions
Identify 2-5 strengths that you witnessed in others today. Describe how seeing the strengths in others brought out the strengths in you.
Today I discovered my sister’s ___________. This illuminated my:
Today I noticed my manager’s ____________. This bolstered my:
Today I uncovered my student’s __________. This reinforced my:
If you need help with finding the good in others especially the challenging people in your life click on this this link to a great article in Psychology Today.
Strength is hard won. No one can buy it for you. Give it to you. Leave it for you in their will. Strength is built from challenge, from difficulty, from overcoming.
When you deprive someone of life’s ordinary trials and tribulations by rescuing them each time they fall, you deprive them of their strength, their resilience, their ability to save themselves.
The next time you’re tempted to save someone from hardship (out of guilt or for any other reason), let this moment be your wake up call.
You are not a bad person for keeping your distance when someone suffers through heartaches, school difficulties, job challenges, financial woes.
Quite the opposite. When you hold yourself back from rescuing people from life’s normal ups and downs, you allow them the opportunity to build strength. Something that can never be taken away.
Strength is my armour.
Hard won. Forever mine.
Today, I am thankful for every hardship, for every challenge, for every hard fought battle. Why? For they have chiseled in me, an inner strength that rises up – every single time I meet a new difficulty.
My Story
In the video above I share how the vicarious trauma I experienced early in my career as a young psychologist led to my current work in positive psychology, stress resilience, posttraumatic growth, and thriving under pressure (topic of my TEDx Talk).
Your Turn
Which challenges have created your greatest strengths? Which difficulties have paved the way for your best opportunities?
We live in a world that rewards frivolous behaviour with fame and fortune, so it is no wonder that some students expect their motivation to come from the outside, in the same way that reality show contestants expect to win a million dollars, simply by “showing up”.
How can we change this? What impact can we have on millennial, tech savvy students expecting instant gratification in our classrooms?
We start by reminding students (and ourselves) that motivation begins on the inside. We show students why external motivators will never sustain them. The overjustification effect is just one example of this fact.
Better yet, we tap into students’ own life experiences to ignite long-term commitment and motivation. Students often forget the feelings of joy and anticipation they felt when they first opened their acceptance letters to school.
In the midst of going to class, applying for OSAP, juggling family, work, and school demands, and paying bills, students often forget why they applied to their programs in the first place.
There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why. William Barclay
Sometimes, igniting motivation is as simple as asking students “Why?” they are at college in the first place. “Why?” exercises help students get to the heart of what motivates them, guides them, keeps them going. From early morning classes to late night study sessions to unexpected academic costs to making it through final exams.
How I incorporate “Why?” exercises into lectures:
I ask students to relax, sit back, close their eyes, and take a deep breath.
Next, I ask them to visualize the day they applied to college and ultimately received their acceptance letters.
Finally, students are asked “Why?” they wanted to go to college in the first place – what’s their ultimate mission and motivation for getting a diploma in their chosen field.
Student answers to this simple, yet complex question of “Why?” is so varied, so unique to each student. Yet, each answer is united by the same ideal, the same belief: Hope
Students are searching for something better, to change for the better, to make the world better. They want to save lives as nurses, to design hybrid cars as engineering technologists, to help children who are abused as child & youth care workers, to inspire their own children by being college educated, to be independent and self-sufficient, to do what they love, and most of all, students yearn to make a difference in this world.
Sustaining Motivation and Commitment
Once written down, I encourage students to carry their answers (in one word, if possible) in their wallets, post them on the bathroom mirror, on their phones, in their cars, and look to their “Why?” every time they need inspiration.
Their answers remind them “Why?” they choose to study for midterms, “Why?” they choose to write research papers, “Why?” they choose to attend class rather than do something that brings instant gratification.
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. Nietzsche
I believe so strongly in using “Why?” exercises that I incorporated them into my psychology textbook.
Intrinsic motivation can be taught in so many ways. During “Why?” Exercises, students teach me. They teach me that hope is enough to sustain us through the hard times. Hope is enough to push us through life’s challenges. And the most important lesson of all is that hope mixed with drive, self-determination, and hard work changes lives for the better.
At the beginning of my Is Happiness a Choice? presentation I ask the audience to write down the one word that best describes what has brought them the most happiness in the past 12 months.
How would you answer this question?
In one word, what best describes the people, places, or things, that have brought you the most happiness in the past 12 months? Big or small.
What makes life worth living?
I’m pictured here with St. Clair College graduates Olivia Bauer and Sarah Ryrie.
My One Word = Students.
The one thing that brings me the most joy, meaning, and contentment is the opportunity to work with Canada’s future, our students. It’s the one place that I believe I’m making the most difference in this world.
Wake Up Call.
Every time I get a little down, frustrated, and/or disappointed (basically anytime I’m feeling powerless or stuck) by the circumstances of life (we all have ups and downs, positive psychologists included), I bring myself back to the “One Word” that best describes how blessed I am to be alive.
(And some days my one word = Chocolate.)
May the one word you write down be a beautiful reminder of all the light that shines in your life, even on the darkest of days. And please don’t forget to share your one word for happiness. Your one word may be someone else’s wake up call to joy. ⏰✨
