Honour Your Limits.
In every area of your life.
It’s not a race.
Pace Yourself
The world needs what you have to give — long-term.
In every area of your life.
It’s a lifetime.
Helpful Resource: Energy Awareness and Management
I was motivated to write this post and film an accompanying video after witnessing so many students overwrought by thoughts of inadequacy about how they looked.
In reality, there was no doubt that they were healthy and whole, but in their minds, they believed the opposite.
A phenomenon heightened by imaginary audience and social anxiety, which reaches its peak in adolescence.
Imaginary Audience Video: Click Here
Body Image Video: Click Here
These articles provide insight into why body dissatisfaction continues to be an issue, despite countless campaigns to turn the tide.
Article 1
The Image in the Mirror and the Number on the Scale
Link https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3610322
Article 2
The Effects of Social Media on Body Image and Mental Health
Link http://lifesciencesjournal.org/2020/02/the-effects-of-social-media-on-body-image-and-mental-health
Article 3
Body Weight and Self-Perception are Associated with Depression
Link Results from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES)
The First Step Towards Change is Awareness
The 15 questions below challenge cognitive distortions and perceptions using reality itself.
This inquiry is not limited to body image and weight and thus can be applied to areas of life where you find yourself overthinking and ruminating.
Source: Challenging Cognitive Distortions
Related: The Stories We Tell Ourselves
In addition to spending time in self reflection and reality testing, it is important to open up the conversation to the community at large.
In doing so we move into collective problem-solving, empowering solutions, and public health education.
“In this episode, Stephani and Dr. Dinardo speak about what positive psychology is, turning your perceived flaws into strengths by moving from self-criticism to self-compassion, posttraumatic growth and how adversity can be beneficial to us, boundaries around social media use, the magic of prevention work and maintaining hope”. Bulimia Anorexia Nervosa Association (BANA)
Listen to Interview: Click Here Watch Video of Post: Click Here
One of the reasons I love teaching psychology is that it gives me the opportunity to share why we do what we do. Including in romance!
The more we understand ourselves, the more compassionate we will be about ourselves and others.
Self Awareness and Social Awareness go hand in hand.
So given today is Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be a good time to resurrect a 2019 social psychology lecture on the 5 love languages.
In this particular psychology class, we talked about: 1) what we value in a relationship, 2) our preferred love language, and 3) possible reasons for romantic successes and failures.
Discussed more fully in the two videos below.
In the first video I discuss the psychological theories and related life experiences that lay the foundation for a social psychology class on love and attraction (Chapter 14 in my psychology textbook).
In the second video I reflect upon the lessons learned in psychology class and how to apply these love lessons in real life.
Topics covered on video and in class:
When people show you who they are, believe them.
Maya Angelou
Love Quiz → Click Here Love Video 1 → Click Here Love Video 2 → Click Here
Especially during the holidays.
And if you’re anything like our household, it requires a whole new level of relationship skills.
A deeper level of empathy and compassion for the pressures of the people we are living with.
Helpful Tips: Psychology Today
How does this show up in our home?
Emotional Intelligence: Resources
One approach that has helped tremendously is how I ask to have my needs met.
Not what I say but how I say it.
Same message.
Power versus Force
Kindness versus Conviction
Watch 2 min Video of Post: Click Here
Thoughts. Emotions. Actions. People.
Some drain. Others invigorate.
Awareness is the first step to enhancing vitality.
The goal is to identify the source of energy leaks and peaks.
My recent interview on FM 105.9 The Region was designed to help people become more conscious of what depletes their energy and what lifts them up.
A health psychology practice that benefits mood, motivation, and productivity.
Because when we feel energized, we can do twice as much in half the time.
Rather than focusing on time, which is finite, I suggested to radio host Candace Sampson that we turn our attention to energy management, which in turn expands the amount of time we have.
What She Said Talk on FM 105.9 The Region
| Tip #1: Debits and Credits (Energy Audit) Daily Tracking System of Who and What Depletes You |
| Tip #2: Put a Time Limit on Negativity (Stove Timer) Conscious awareness of how much time with friends and family is spent on complaining (draining) versus solutions (energizing). |
| Tip #3: Energy is Everywhere (Combat Boots Anchoring Exercise) Energetic grounding rituals before interacting online. |
| *All 3 tips described in detail in both a) the August 20 energy video above and b) the extended September 1 podcast interview below. |
Video of Blog Post: Click Here
For Example: Anger
That said, it’s not as simple as becoming “more calm” or “less explosive”.
The Kübler-Ross Model provides insight:
The goal is to discover if angry thoughts, actions, or emotions are serving a purpose.
Is anger helping or hurting?
And if this is the case, the goal of coaching is to help clients replace confrontations (for example) with more effective communication patterns.
PSYCHOLOGY HOMEWORK
Anger → Awareness
First: Set aside time to journal thoughts and emotions about “hot topics”. This allows for a cooling off period and a chance for self reflection and integration.
Second: Plan a mutually beneficial time to discuss anger triggers and solutions with friends and family.
This 2-step communication technique results in safe, open, and engaging conversations that move both relationships and actions forward. Win Win!
Especially now with so many people experiencing pain and trauma in escalating ways.
Something we all need right now, more than ever before.
To be witnessed. To be heard.
Only then can we transformed by what we learn. 🌎💞
Video of Post ⇒ Click Here
WHY ARE WE SO HARD ON OURSELVES?
Great question!
One that I’m asked often. And one that I often ask myself.
The answer is multifaceted and includes several factors including how we were parented (when internalized superego and conscience first develops) and eventually how we parent ourselves.
For example:
When something goes wrong, how do you respond?
1. Self Criticism versus Self Compassion
2. Self Control versus Self Love and Understanding
How do I make the shift from self criticism to self compassion?
1. Pay attention to where your self judgements originated.
Is this your personal measure of worthiness or society’s expectation of success?
2. Investigate how truly arbitrary the standards you set for yourself are.
For example, who said you had to weigh 125 lbs, have a million dollars in the bank, and be married by 30?
3. Don’t Believe Everything You Think!
In today’s psychology class, we discussed how important it is to empower friends, family, and clients going through difficult times.
And how even if we’re an expert in psychology, medicine, or business – it does not make us the master of someone else’s life.
Together we explored strength based techniques for uplifting and encouraging others in conversation and in daily life.
Acknowledging that we still have so much left to learn about friends and family.
And the only way to do this is to create an inviting listening space between ourselves and the people we meet to be themselves.
Helpful tips for enhancing conversations with clients and family members can be found in the June article in The Drive Magazine (click here) and in the psychology video below —
This post was inspired by my sister Noelle.
“When my sister was 19, she had a brain aneurysm. Every day since, she has struggled to maintain her independence and financial security.
Despite her trauma, Noelle continues to thrive in unexpected and beautiful ways. She never gives up, no matter what comes her way. Over the years, I have discovered the difference it makes when I support Noelle from her perspective, rather than dictating what she needs.”
Written with the help of my sister ❤️
We often think of changing of the world as some great big, grand gesture. Performed on stage with millions of people watching. When in fact it’s just you and me (and 7 billion others). Smiling, connecting, caring, and loving. Every moment. Every encounter. We are the dominos.
Related Post: What if our only life purpose was to be kind?
In my early thirties I was going through a particularly tough time in my life.
A trifecta of life events where every pillar in my world came tumbling down.
Out of all the sadness, the times that I remember the most were the small joys and simple pleasures with my family and friends.
No matter how complicated and messy life became, it was their unwavering support that pulled me through.
“Just being there” is more powerful than most people realize.
Afternoons with my Dad walking down country roads. Weekends with my Mom at the dollar store. Sundays with my big sister at Tim Hortons.
Surprise phone calls from my two brothers. Relaxing with old friends in their cozy homes — long past the time and energy they initially had for me.
The best kind of love is simple. It creates a safe space to lose yourself and find yourself all over again. No words necessary.
Related Post: It’s ok to not be ok.
Some lessons happen over a lifetime.
Others happen in an instant.
Either way, the paradox of strength is that it develops though pain.
Each misfortune cultivates a renewed appreciation.
Each obstacle fosters a new level of perseverance.
Each sadness teaches a greater depth of compassion.
Each challenge harvests a new field of possibilities.
We must fall down to rise up.
Again and again and again.
Related Post: I've never met a strong person with an easy past.
We often think of changing of the world as some great big, grand gesture. Performed on stage with millions of people watching. When in fact it’s just you and me (and 7 billion others). Smiling, connecting, caring, and loving. Every moment. Every encounter. We are the dominos.
Related Post: What if our only life purpose was to be kind?
What if our only life purpose was to be kind?
What if every decision we made was guided by this shared life purpose?
How would you change? How would the world change?
Life purpose is a way of living and giving.
It does not require a title or a corner office.
Life purpose is a way of being in this world.
Today be kind. 💙
“Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people.”
Have you ever noticed that the more challenging life gets the more critical you are of yourself.
And the more critical you are of yourself the more challenging life becomes.
It’s a fearful, exhausting, repetitive loop that feeds on itself.
When you’re under extreme pressure, the last thing you need is another self-talk rant of why you’re not good enough.
What you do need is a boatload of unconditional love.
Today vow to give yourself the gift of more love, more kindness, more generosity.
A gift that will keep on giving.
Long after the stress is gone.
Find an affirmation or a positive quote that makes you stop, take a breath, and feel your heart beating deep inside.
Something that reminds you of how magical you truly are.
Post it on your fridge.
Write it on your mirror.
Save it on your phone.
The next time you start beating yourself up over the smallest thing, take it as a sign that you need some extra love and tender care.
The more love you give yourself, the more generous, authentic, and compassionate all of your relationships will be.
Including the relationship you have with your innermost self.
Related: Mirror Affirmation Exercise
Thriving Under Pressure 