I asked this question of student leaders at a province wide conference pre 2020. See their answers on the chalkboard below —
GO SMALLER
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One class at a time.
Microseconds sometimes..
How do you keep moving forward?
What helps you adapt to change?
Interview: 5 Ways to Embrace Change
Especially during the holidays.
And if you’re anything like our household, it requires a whole new level of relationship skills.
A deeper level of empathy and compassion for the pressures of the people we are living with.
Helpful Tips: Psychology Today
How does this show up in our home?
Emotional Intelligence: Resources
One approach that has helped tremendously is how I ask to have my needs met.
Not what I say but how I say it.
Same message.
Power versus Force
Kindness versus Conviction
Watch 2 min Video of Post: Click Here
I used to think of life purpose as some great big grand scheme for life, something we spend our whole life chasing after. Daunting for sure. At times overwhelming.
Then one day I realized that life purpose was a series of small, fleeting events, rather than one great big span of life. Bite size in fact.
It’s the one thing we love doing, time and time again. Over and over. Day by day. It’s the one thing we love sharing. Moment to moment. Breath by breath.
RELATED POST: Don't confuse purpose with occupation
For me it’s making the person right in front of me (no matter who they are) feel like the most important person in the world.
Engaging fully, completely, in every conversation I have.
No matter how long. No matter how short.
REFLECTION QUESTION: What makes you come alive?
My hope for today is to make you feel like the centre of my universe. One smile at a time. One conversation at time. If only for a moment. Sometimes for a lifetime.
More than you’ll ever know.
Sometimes we need a quick, fun, and easy way to elevate our mood. Suggestion: Angel Cards A simple, soulful practice that takes a (bite sized) moment. Now my friends ask me to bring angel cards to all our coffee talks. Even if we’re sitting 8 feet apart! These light-hearted cards guarantee a shift UP in conversation. From the mundane to the magical.
What lights your way today?
The 5 Why’s is a simple and effective technique for understanding the source of our fears and cognitive distortions (irrational beliefs) one why at a time.
An analytic (below the surface) strategy originating in the psychoanalytic theories of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung.
Freud’s Iceberg Analogy : Click Here
With the ultimate intention of enhancing inner peace and understanding.
By differentiating what’s real from what’s not.
To Learn More
Watch my in-depth interview on situational anxiety with Dr. Katherin Garland – see below
Thoughts. Emotions. Actions. People.
Some drain. Others invigorate.
Awareness is the first step to enhancing vitality.
The goal is to identify the source of energy leaks and peaks.
My recent interview on FM 105.9 The Region was designed to help people become more conscious of what depletes their energy and what lifts them up.
A health psychology practice that benefits mood, motivation, and productivity.
Because when we feel energized, we can do twice as much in half the time.
Rather than focusing on time, which is finite, I suggested to radio host Candace Sampson that we turn our attention to energy management, which in turn expands the amount of time we have.
What She Said Talk on FM 105.9 The Region
| Tip #1: Debits and Credits (Energy Audit) Daily Tracking System of Who and What Depletes You |
| Tip #2: Put a Time Limit on Negativity (Stove Timer) Conscious awareness of how much time with friends and family is spent on complaining (draining) versus solutions (energizing). |
| Tip #3: Energy is Everywhere (Combat Boots Anchoring Exercise) Energetic grounding rituals before interacting online. |
| *All 3 tips described in detail in both a) the August 20 energy video above and b) the extended September 1 podcast interview below. |
Video of Blog Post: Click Here
For Example: Anger
That said, it’s not as simple as becoming “more calm” or “less explosive”.
The Kübler-Ross Model provides insight:
The goal is to discover if angry thoughts, actions, or emotions are serving a purpose.
Is anger helping or hurting?
And if this is the case, the goal of coaching is to help clients replace confrontations (for example) with more effective communication patterns.
PSYCHOLOGY HOMEWORK
Anger → Awareness
First: Set aside time to journal thoughts and emotions about “hot topics”. This allows for a cooling off period and a chance for self reflection and integration.
Second: Plan a mutually beneficial time to discuss anger triggers and solutions with friends and family.
This 2-step communication technique results in safe, open, and engaging conversations that move both relationships and actions forward. Win Win!
Especially now with so many people experiencing pain and trauma in escalating ways.
Something we all need right now, more than ever before.
To be witnessed. To be heard.
Only then can we transformed by what we learn. 🌎💞
Video of Post ⇒ Click Here
Including my own.
Our Recap of That Day:
Don’t chase the destination my dear, chase the feeling.
Because the feeling will always bring you home. 💗
Share how you have fun together
Related Post → Who Inspires You?
This one simple sentence helps me to remember that tomorrow is a brand new day.
Illuminating the possibility that what looks like the end in that dark moment, could in fact be preparing me for a whole new destiny.
This video and blog post were inspired by a very dear friend of mine experiencing unexpected health problems.
And how during treatment she often says that it’s my positivity and upbeat nature that brings her to a higher place.
My friend knows what’s wrong.
I remind her of all that is right.”Together we rise.” 🙏☀️
What gives you hope during difficult times?
Video of Blog Post: Click Here
Do you have a difficult time saying no?
While others in your life say no without a second thought.
Is this confusing and at times upsetting for you?
Are you hard on yourself because of this discrepancy between yourself and others?
Join me in my virtual psychology classroom as I share one factor that explains why some people have more difficulty saying no and holding boundaries than others — Your Personality.
In this video I describe how individuals who are overly sensitive to the feelings of others (HSPs, Empaths, ENFJs) often focus on the needs of others to the exclusion of themselves.
Video: SAYING NO Are you a feeler or a thinker?
Often causing feelers to say YES on the outside when on the inside their intuition is telling them to SAY NO.
Result = Mixed Messages + Unnecessary Stress
By contrast, individuals who are left brain dominant (thinkers on the Myers Briggs scale) are more straightforward and logical in their response to requests from friends and coworkers.
Consequently, thinkers do not focus to the same extent on the emotions of “the requesters” in the same way that feelers (eg., ENFJ’s) on the on the Myers Briggs do.
Thinkers know what they want and use analytics + logic not the emotions of the person in front of them as their guiding force.
On the plus side:
At work and in life.
Let me know in comments below how your personality impacts different areas of your life, including saying No.
Please share techniques you’ve developed for setting boundaries too!
I’d love to know!
Dr. D 📚
One Final Note:
In Addition to Personality and Individual Differences
Situation Also Impacts Our Ability to Say NO + Stand Firm
Video: Saying No is Easier When You Feel Safe
This post is for anyone experiencing FOMO. Particularly on a long weekend holiday!
Psychology Insight:
Holidays heighten social anxiety of every kind.
FOMO especially.
Consider these questions as you explore what’s going on below the surface.
1. Do you remember the first time you experienced FOMO?
2. How did you cope with the anxiety of missing out?
3. What if anything would you be willing to give up in your life in exchange for the fantasy of someone else’s life or experience?
4. What about your life do you cherish above all else?
Please share in the comments below, including your own strategies for handling FOMO. I’d love to know!
Savour this moment.
In today’s psychology class, we discussed how important it is to empower friends, family, and clients going through difficult times.
And how even if we’re an expert in psychology, medicine, or business – it does not make us the master of someone else’s life.
Together we explored strength based techniques for uplifting and encouraging others in conversation and in daily life.
Acknowledging that we still have so much left to learn about friends and family.
And the only way to do this is to create an inviting listening space between ourselves and the people we meet to be themselves.
Helpful tips for enhancing conversations with clients and family members can be found in the June article in The Drive Magazine (click here) and in the psychology video below —
This post was inspired by my sister Noelle.
“When my sister was 19, she had a brain aneurysm. Every day since, she has struggled to maintain her independence and financial security.
Despite her trauma, Noelle continues to thrive in unexpected and beautiful ways. She never gives up, no matter what comes her way. Over the years, I have discovered the difference it makes when I support Noelle from her perspective, rather than dictating what she needs.”
Written with the help of my sister ❤️
I recently had the opportunity to be interviewed on the Lemon Soul Podcast by an engaging and bright young woman named Sierra Parr.
It was one of the most rewarding projects I have worked on and I hope you find the same value in listening to the podcast as I had co-creating it with Ms. Parr.
A lemon soul is someone who has been sweetened by the sour parts of life. Resulting in the most beautiful soul of all – “The Lemon Soul”.
Sierra’s podcast questions are timely, thought-provoking, and well-organized.
With equal parts practicality, spirituality, and science. Wrapped up in a captivating and compassionate interview style.
So much so, that I revealed parts of my life that I have never shared publicly before.
Take a listen and let me know what resonates with you!
Listen on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/lemon-soul/id1386504193?mt=2&i=1000432857445
Very honoured to sit down with Dr. Andrea Dinardo this week and divulge all my lemon soul questions with her. A true testament to her work as a psychologist and now psychology professor, this episode is FULL of good advice! With a deeper insight into many of our mental health struggles and the science behind how our brain is working. Furthermore diving into Dr. Dinardo’s personal life as she uncovers her fundamental inspiration for everything she does in life, her sister.
Topics covered on the podcast:
From psychologist to psychology professor!
How to motivate students!
Why connection is important.
Compassion fatigue
The givers & the takers
Setting boundaries for others and ourselves.
Thriving Under Pressure!
Failure as Feedback!
Are we socialized to care?
How to train your brain
Challenge, Control, & Commitment
Honour your pain!
B r e a t h i n g s p a c e !
The universe box
Claiming your prize
GET MOVING!
The one you have been waiting to take for days, months, perhaps years.
Listen Here: Lemon Soul Podcast
#internationalwomensday #rolemodel
Growing up my Mom, my mentor, and the first psychologist in our family, didn’t talk a lot about women’s empowerment.
— She just lived it.
Today, and all days, I am grateful for a role model who began her journey from challenge to strength with incredible will and a heart of power.
A first time mother at 17 years old, the jumping off point for all that would unfold.
A single mom in her twenties.
One of few women working on our street.
Criticized openly for leaving her kids during the week and going back to graduate school in her 40s.
I lean in often for her wisdom, inquiring:
Her response:
“Sure it hurt, she says.”
”But my mission was always greater than my misery. And this is when I knew what I was truly meant to do.”
A teacher, a leader, and a mother who teaches me how to live with equal parts grace, fortitude, and tenderness.
Every chance WE get. 💃❤️💃
Who inspires you today?
So many people in this world are struggling with what to do with their lives.
An existential struggle that did not exist 100 years ago when jobs were more clearly defined.
Which is why it is essential to explore purpose in many different ways.
We must not confuse life purpose with occupation.
My occupation = Psychology Professor.
My life purpose is to lift people up and help them feel better.
Something I can do on weekends, at work, with friends, in my community, and well into my retirement years.
Our occupation transpires 9-5. Our life purpose unfolds 24/7.
The topic of finding one’s life purpose was an active discussion on social media (see screen shot below) and in psychology class (link to video) this week.
Social Media: What’s my gift?
This is how I walked a fellow instagrammer through the process of (re)discovering their life purpose:
Life purpose is a way of being.
A way of living and giving.
It is all encompassing.
We are 1 in 7.5 billion.
No more waiting. No more searching.
A daily mission. Big and small.
Supporting others and sharing our gift.
Breath by breath. Step by step.
We are the dominos.
I hope you enjoy this video message on life purpose too.
If you’re anything like me (and Santa Claus), you answered yes.
Including the benefits of leaning into difficult emotions.
Because the more we try to fight discomfort, the longer it lasts.
“The root of all suffering is attachment.” Buddha
Stop fighting. Start flowing.
Let your stress drift gently through you.
Without judgment or condemnation.
Breathe and release.
Moment by moment.
Let go of what is outside your control.
Let go of expectations.
The pressure becomes lighter.
The joy becomes brighter.
Create your own traditions.
Fall in love with the night sky.
Savour a walk in the moonlight.
We can handle just about anything.
What if your doctor prescribed dancing as a fitness activity instead of time on a treadmill or at the gymnasium. Would you be more likely to follow through if exercise was fun and uplifting?
It’s a great reminder that getting healthy doesn’t have to be arduous.
What inspires you to follow a healthy lifestyle?
Related: Laughter saves the day.
The ones you use to talk to yourself.
Believe in the one reason that a difficult situation will work out.
You have everything it takes to overcome.
To work through.
To begin again.
Again and again and again.
In my early thirties I was going through a particularly tough time in my life.
A trifecta of life events where every pillar in my world came tumbling down.
Out of all the sadness, the times that I remember the most were the small joys and simple pleasures with my family and friends.
No matter how complicated and messy life became, it was their unwavering support that pulled me through.
“Just being there” is more powerful than most people realize.
Afternoons with my Dad walking down country roads. Weekends with my Mom at the dollar store. Sundays with my big sister at Tim Hortons.
Surprise phone calls from my two brothers. Relaxing with old friends in their cozy homes — long past the time and energy they initially had for me.
The best kind of love is simple. It creates a safe space to lose yourself and find yourself all over again. No words necessary.
Related Post: It’s ok to not be ok.
Thriving Under Pressure 