I asked this question of student leaders at a province wide conference pre 2020. See their answers on the chalkboard below —
GO SMALLER
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One class at a time.
Microseconds sometimes..
How do you keep moving forward?
What helps you adapt to change?
Interview: 5 Ways to Embrace Change
For Example: Anger
That said, it’s not as simple as becoming “more calm” or “less explosive”.
The Kübler-Ross Model provides insight:
The goal is to discover if angry thoughts, actions, or emotions are serving a purpose.
Is anger helping or hurting?
And if this is the case, the goal of coaching is to help clients replace confrontations (for example) with more effective communication patterns.
PSYCHOLOGY HOMEWORK
Anger → Awareness
First: Set aside time to journal thoughts and emotions about “hot topics”. This allows for a cooling off period and a chance for self reflection and integration.
Second: Plan a mutually beneficial time to discuss anger triggers and solutions with friends and family.
This 2-step communication technique results in safe, open, and engaging conversations that move both relationships and actions forward. Win Win!
Myself included.
But don’t we all?
Wondering if we still have what it takes.
Which is why I wrote this post today.
Take a breath. Enjoy some rest.
Give your monkey mind a break.
What comes also goes.
Related Post: Divine Timing
For example:
Watch this short video on my own experience with peer pressure, alcohol, and behaviour change and answer the questions below.
EmpoweringI also encourage use of this video and reflection questions as an opportunity to talk openly with friends and family about the powerful impact of social influence on substance use. Open conversations empower youth to think for themselves and in turn, reduces their susceptibility to coercion.
Watch Psychology Video → Click Here
You have the ability to make positive changes in your life.
Right here. Right now.
Don’t wait for “the perfect time” to transform your life.
NOW IS YOUR POWER.
How you perceive stress.
Changes everything.
Challenge or opportunity?
Ending or new beginning?
Stumbling block or stepping stone?
Coal or diamonds?
If you can’t change the stress.
Change the way you think about it.
Week 2 at College: Short Video
Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing: your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.
In this blog post and classroom video, I share strategies for transforming painful experiences. Especially those beyond your control.
Strategies include: Cognitive reframing (identifying and then disputing irrational or maladaptive thoughts) and the ABC technique (Antecedent, Belief, Consequence).
I also discuss my latest article in The Drive Magazine (link to article below) where I help a good friend transform the painful story in his life (house flood) into a more meaningful and empowering experience.
Read Here: https://www.thedrivemagazine.com/posts/the-stories-we-tell-ourselves
1. Talk to others who have overcome similar circumstances. Be open to their lessons.
2. Ask five people to identify five strengths. Refer to them during the low points in your day.
3. Reflect on times in your life when you have successfully overcome adversity.
4. Be proud of what you’ve been through and have faith in where you’re going.
Excerpt From The Stories We Tell Ourselves, The Drive Magazine
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
To Watch Video Click Here
Motivation to make a change is as much about you, as the people all around you. And unfortunately, not everyone agrees with our decision to grow, change, and evolve. In whatever form it may take.
For when we change, we unknowingly push friends and family outside their comfort zone too. And that’s ok. The important thing to understand is that not everyone is going to support our choice to change. Something I learned personally.
My story
This post was inspired by my own journey of quitting drinking in 2005, motivated by three reasons:
1. Starting a family with my husband.
2. Improving my health.
3. Being a role model for my students
Unexpected Side Effects
What I did not expect was the pressure to keep drinking that came along with my decision to give up alcohol over a decade ago.
The pressure to remain the same.
The pressure to behave like everyone else.
A resistance to change from others that I did not foresee.
My students’ stories
— Peer Pressure and Alcohol Use in College
Students over the age of 19 have a choice when it comes to drinking alcohol.
A decision to drink or not drink that is often overshadowed by peer pressure and the widespread culture of risky drinking on and off Canadian campuses.
Too often students drink to “fit in, reduce stress, numb anxiety” (their words) because they know of no other way.
Excerpt from today’s class:
Class Discussion and Solutions
Which is why it’s more important than ever to open up the conversation of what it’s like to be a young person amongst the culture of alcohol use and abuse today.
A hot topic that stimulates honest and open debate in my classroom each year. Including remedies to the pressures of college that extend far beyond alcohol.
To listen to our discussion click here.
Your story
1. What motivates you to make a health change?
2. What de-motivates you?
3. Have you experienced pressure from others to continue unhealthy habits? To not change?
4. How do you stay true to your personal choices?
Rather than debate or argue your case.
Be still and hold your space.
Take a deep breath, and trust your choices.
Trust that being yourself is enough.
You get one life. Make it yours.
Video of Blog Post — Click Here
1. What area of your life do you need to slow down in?
2. What area of your life do you need to REV IT UP in?
Order them in terms of A to D with A being what matters most.
A Priorities =
Eating healthy.
Studying for final exams.
Getting a good night’s sleep.
D Priorities =
Watching Netflix until 2am.
Repeatedly checking Facebook posts.
Complaining about past relationships.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n69viXICuEo
What’s on your A list today?
Even though we often have little control over the “outside forces” in our lives, we can always make a positive difference – from the inside out.
Start here. Right here. Right now. Be still. Breathe in gratitude. Be thankful for this very moment. Start small. Notice your passing thoughts. Let go.
Notice the exact time it is right now. Say today’s date out loud. Look up at the sky. Wink at the clouds. Stomp your feet on the floor. Smile with gusto.
Grab onto the coffee mug you are holding. Inhale the rich scent of the sumatra you are drinking. Feel the warmth of each passing breath.
Feel the texture of the clothes you’re wearing. Wake up to the sound of your voice. Whisper. Sing. Shout it out!
Dance a little dance. Stand up tall. Anything and everything that shifts you from outer space to inner spirit. From not enough to overflowing.
Come back to yourself. Back to the grace of your magnificent spirit. Into the beauty of your incredible form. Feel the rhythm of your beating heart. Sense the pulse of life itself.
Everything you need to transform yourself and the world already exists within you. You matter. You truly matter. But you have to believe it to see it. Feel it to know it. One gentle, uplifting thought at a time.
My mission in life is to encourage people to own their choices – no matter how big or how small. In doing so, individuals will uncover the magnificent power that lives within them.
Embracing the power to choose one’s emotions, thoughts, and reactions to life’s circumstances is the key which unlocks personal freedom and empowerment.
Video ⇒ The Psychology of Change
Becoming aware of choice points, big and small, is the beginning of the path to transformation.
Choosing a path uniquely suited to you – is your way out of disenchantment and your way into a life of purpose, passion, and peace.
Coaching & Speaking Services ⇒ Click Here
Watch this short video and consider the following questions:
This post was inspired by a stressful situation that I couldn’t let go of, long beyond its solution. No matter how hard I tried. Day in day out. The worry would reappear. Then someone close to me suggested “I shed the stress”. And a lightbulb went off. Each time the repetitive thought appeared, I imagined a tree shedding its leaves. A golden leaf for every anxious thought. This visualization process made all the difference. And so did writing about it. 📝🍂
What would you say good-bye to?
Once and for all.
It could be an emotion. Or a thought.
A relationship. Or a job.
A place or a thing.
It’s time to let go of what drains you.
Let go of what holds you back.
Let go of what keeps you down.
It could be a mindset. Or a memory.
A situation. Or an attitude.
Write it down. Shout it out.
It’s time to let go of what weighs you down.
Release it to the universe.
Declare your freedom.
Vow to move on and beyond.
Once and for all.
Instead of seeing obstacles and stressors as taking you down.
Try perceiving challenges as taking you UP ↑
Again and again and again.
Have you ever wondered how your best friend lives so freely “moment-to-moment” while your mind is imprisoned by thoughts of past events and/or planning of future events (so neatly) written in your (overly structured) daytimer?
Brain Hemispheric Specialization provides insight into why some of us are more present focused and able to “go with the flow” (Right Brain dominant); while others are busy planning their days with the step-by-step precision of a NASA engineer (Left Brain dominant).
Despite being identical in structure, the two halves of the brain specialize in how they process information (e.g., Past vs. Present), and how they function (e.g., Verbal vs. Nonverbal).
2. Watch the following 20 minute video to: a) learn firsthand about L-R brain specialization and b) discover how Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor turned her real-life tragedy into an awe inspiring “Stroke of Insight“. I am still moved to tears by her story! I hope you are too. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is resilience personified.
The more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner peace circuitry of our right hemisphere, the more peaceful our planet will be.
TEDx Speaker Jill Bolte Taylor
This post is a summary of this week’s psychology lecture and Chapter 2 of my psychology textbook.
If you want to learn more, you can download a free PDF of my neuroscience and behaviour chapter by clicking on this link.
Thriving Under Pressure
No more unrelenting trials.
Lay down your burdens.
You have strengthened from your burdens.
You have developed. You have grown.
Trust your wisdom. Trust your wings.
Do you stir the pot before it boils? Do you open the oven before it bakes?
Or do you relax on the sofa trusting the recipe and the time it takes?
Not long ago, I was interviewed by Adam Rochon on the topic of transformational change.
During the podcast interview, Adam and I explored a different way of thinking about change.
A more uplifting and empowering take on transformation.
Adam and I discussed how the key to lasting change isn’t to push yourself harder.
The key to lasting change is to understand yourself better.
To accept yourself more. And to judge yourself less.
Trust the timing of your life.
Your good and bad habits did not develop overnight.
And neither does transformational change.
Ultimately to grow, we must trust, let go, and learn to respect the process.
Excerpt from my interview with Adam Rochon: “For me respecting the process in my own life and in all the people I’m blessed enough to meet, is to realize the process is so much bigger than I am. It is our destiny. It is the 100 years – if we are ever that lucky to live on this earth. Whatever we experience, good or bad, is just a day in the life and that we need to pay attention to where we are. When we get stressed out, overwhelmed and are going through a lot of changes, take a step back and realize that there are so many forces at work that are greater than we are – which is the process. When we Respect the Process everything just falls into place. It sounds simple, but you need to just let go of what you don’t have control over and be inspired by the process.” Episode #15: Transformational Change.
We all have stress. It’s a universal human experience. The key is to not let stress become our identity.
Instead, with and open mindset and the right set of resilience skills we have the opportunity to reach a whole new level of purpose and well-being.
At the start of my stress presentation at the guidance counsellors forum, I discuss how resilience begins with a strength mindset. And equally that openness to challenge is essential for success.
Learn More:
Need help embracing change but don’t know where to start? In my interview on CBC-TV I share 5 positive ways to embrace change using the principles of positive psychology.
Overslept. Choose peace.
Ran out of coffee. Choose peace.
Stuck in traffic. Choose peace.
Missed a deadline. Choose peace.
Technology overload. Choose peace.
Nonstop meetings. Choose peace.
Bossy coworker. Choose peace.
Burnt dinner. Choose peace.
Argument with spouse. Choose peace.
Children acting up. Choose peace.
Unable to sleep. Choose peace.
Helpful Video: Eckhart Tolle's Inner Peace Exercise (3 min)
Even though we often have little control over the “outside forces” in our lives, we can always make a positive difference – from the inside out.
Start here. Right here. Right now. Be still. Breathe in gratitude. Be thankful for this very moment. Start small. Notice your passing thoughts. Let go.
Notice the exact time it is right now. Say today’s date out loud. Look up at the sky. Wink at the clouds. Stomp your feet on the floor. Smile with gusto.
Grab onto the coffee mug you are holding. Inhale the rich scent of the sumatra you are drinking. Feel the warmth of each passing breath.
Feel the texture of the clothes you’re wearing. Wake up to the sound of your voice. Whisper. Sing. Shout it out!
Dance a little dance. Stand up tall. Anything and everything that shifts you from outer space to inner spirit. From not enough to overflowing.
Come back to yourself. Back to the grace of your magnificent spirit. Into the beauty of your incredible form. Feel the rhythm of your beating heart. Sense the pulse of life itself.
Everything you need to transform yourself and the world already exists within you. You matter. You truly matter. But you have to believe it to see it. Feel it to know it. One gentle, uplifting thought at a time.
Helpful Video: How to Embrace Change
Externalize the problem and blame someone else for it.
OR
Take responsibility for the problem and search for a solution.
Click here to learn more about Locus of Control.
Have you ever noticed that the more challenging life gets the more critical you are of yourself.
And the more critical you are of yourself the more challenging life becomes.
It’s a fearful, exhausting, repetitive loop that feeds on itself.
When you’re under extreme pressure, the last thing you need is another self-talk rant of why you’re not good enough.
What you do need is a boatload of unconditional love.
Today vow to give yourself the gift of more love, more kindness, more generosity.
A gift that will keep on giving.
Long after the stress is gone.
Find an affirmation or a positive quote that makes you stop, take a breath, and feel your heart beating deep inside.
Something that reminds you of how magical you truly are.
Post it on your fridge.
Write it on your mirror.
Save it on your phone.
The next time you start beating yourself up over the smallest thing, take it as a sign that you need some extra love and tender care.
The more love you give yourself, the more generous, authentic, and compassionate all of your relationships will be.
Including the relationship you have with your innermost self.
Related: Mirror Affirmation Exercise
What quote lifts you up? Ignites your soul? Lights your way?💫💫
Thriving Under Pressure 