Surrender is not giving in.
Something you can’t quite see.
Quietly unfolding.
In your favour.
Behind the scenes.
Video of Post: Click Here
At a recent leadership conference, student leaders from St. Clair College’s Student Representative Council SRC had the opportunity to ask questions live during the final portion of the virtual training event.
One Question Stood Out The Most
What Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self?
In the video below, I share my answer.
Even during COVID-19.
For the pandemic has not changed my optimistic perspective on life and learning.
If anything, COVID-19 has underscored my belief in posttraumatic growth and resilience.
For everybody.
Growth is the only evidence of life.
John Henry Newman
Video of Post: Click Here
Myself included.
But don’t we all?
Wondering if we still have what it takes.
Which is why I wrote this post today.
Take a breath. Enjoy some rest.
Give your monkey mind a break.
What comes also goes.
Related Post: Divine Timing
One of my favourite ways to energize before teaching psychology classes at St. Clair College is to summarize a theory in practical and concrete ways in the parking lot.
Literally! 🚘
I filmed this video 5 minutes before I was about to teach a lecture on personality and positive psychology in my liberal arts class.
Just a few weeks before all St. Clair College classes went fully online due to COVID-19.
In the video above, I talk about the connection between openness and happiness. Openness to experience is one of the Big 5 Personality traits – see figure below.
The more open, adventurous, and flexible we are in our thinking (and being), the more likely we are to perceive ambiguity as a pathway to something new and exciting.
A whole new road, yet to be discovered.
We never know what’s waiting on the other side of COVID uncertainty.
Even if we can’t see the outcome.
Together in faith, anything is possible!
Video of Post ⇒ Click Here
For example: You may be more patient at work, but not at home. You may be able to control your impulses when it comes to food, but not when it comes to yelling at your spouse or children.
For example: Saving money for a house versus buying impulse purchases on Cyber Monday. Working 2 jobs to pay for college tuition versus going out with friends every weekend night. Working out to strengthen your mental and physical health versus watching tv all day.
For example: faith, trust, comfort, financial security, long-term vision, full stomach, good night’s sleep.
The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a study on delayed gratification in 1972 led by psychologist Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford University.[1]
In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited for period of time. During this time, the researcher left the room for about 15 minutes and then returned.
The reward was either a marshmallow or pretzel stick, depending on the child’s preference. In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores,[2] educational attainment,[3] body mass index (BMI),[4] and other life measures.
Original Source: Click Here
Video of Blog Post → Click Here
You have the ability to make positive changes in your life.
Right here. Right now.
Don’t wait for “the perfect time” to transform your life.
NOW IS YOUR POWER.
Video: Fostering A Growth Mindset 🍃
You finally understand WHY the job, the partner, the degree, the house, the friendship, the ______ didn’t work out.
BUT what about in the “here and now”?
How do we make the leap of faith during the darkest of days?
t h r o u g h ..
into a place of trust and belief.
Respect
The
Process
Your journey is unfolding in the most magical and mysterious of ways.
“What if I fall … oh my darling … what if you F L Y..”
Related: Optimism Bootcamp Workshop
Related Post: Empowering Conversations
Thanks for visiting my psychology blog!
Dr. D 💖☀️
Do your morning routines lighten you up?
Or bring you down?
No matter the day. No matter the moment.
Angel cards, hot coffee, and mindfulness take me there.
Fueling my creativity. Illuminating my path. Shifting me higher.
Today’s Angel Reading — Click Here
No matter the day. No matter the moment.
Angel cards, hot coffee, and mindfulness take me there.
For I have finally found the light in me.
Ready to share ☀️ with all that I meet.
Motivation to make a change is as much about you, as the people all around you. And unfortunately, not everyone agrees with our decision to grow, change, and evolve. In whatever form it may take.
For when we change, we unknowingly push friends and family outside their comfort zone too. And that’s ok. The important thing to understand is that not everyone is going to support our choice to change. Something I learned personally.
My story
This post was inspired by my own journey of quitting drinking in 2005, motivated by three reasons:
1. Starting a family with my husband.
2. Improving my health.
3. Being a role model for my students
Unexpected Side Effects
What I did not expect was the pressure to keep drinking that came along with my decision to give up alcohol over a decade ago.
The pressure to remain the same.
The pressure to behave like everyone else.
A resistance to change from others that I did not foresee.
My students’ stories
— Peer Pressure and Alcohol Use in College
Students over the age of 19 have a choice when it comes to drinking alcohol.
A decision to drink or not drink that is often overshadowed by peer pressure and the widespread culture of risky drinking on and off Canadian campuses.
Too often students drink to “fit in, reduce stress, numb anxiety” (their words) because they know of no other way.
Excerpt from today’s class:
Class Discussion and Solutions
Which is why it’s more important than ever to open up the conversation of what it’s like to be a young person amongst the culture of alcohol use and abuse today.
A hot topic that stimulates honest and open debate in my classroom each year. Including remedies to the pressures of college that extend far beyond alcohol.
To listen to our discussion click here.
Your story
1. What motivates you to make a health change?
2. What de-motivates you?
3. Have you experienced pressure from others to continue unhealthy habits? To not change?
4. How do you stay true to your personal choices?
Rather than debate or argue your case.
Be still and hold your space.
Take a deep breath, and trust your choices.
Trust that being yourself is enough.
You get one life. Make it yours.
Video of Blog Post — Click Here
Video: Let Go and Flow
The first thing that goes when we are faced with a stressor of any kind is the memory of all we have overcome in years gone by.
Let this be your daily, weekly, hourly signpost of how wildly capable you are.
And if you ever need more than this note, let me know. I will remind you how brightly you shine. 💎
If you’re anything like me, my first instinct is to fix the problem.
To try and save loved ones from adversity.
Instead of rushing in, we take a step back.
Ask them what they need.
In doing so, we validate the person and their experience.
Helping them stay true to who they are.
What comes – also goes.
Welcome it all.
As we head into the weekend, may we all be reminded of the importance of rest in striving for success.
An hour or a day.
“What you seek is seeking you”.
You hold the key. 🔑
FEAR MAKES BAD DECISIONS was the “hot topic” during coffee talk today.
Hot enough to write today’s blog post.
Blog discussions are the next best thing to sharing a cup of coffee after all.
I hope this message speaks directly to your heart.
And reminds you that the still small voice within you always knows what to do.
The key is to get quiet enough to listen.
When it comes to decision-making we might not be able to change the PRESSURE from the OUTSIDE.
But we can always change it from the INSIDE.
Take your time.
Do not be pressured. Do not be rushed.
Take your own sweet time. Literally.
Each decision, each choice, is yours to make.
Big and small equally.
Take a breath.
Take a 48 hour pause.
Decisions made from fear often falter.
Decisions made from love prosper.
Trust that no matter what happens.
Today. Tomorrow. Two years from now.
Believe that what is meant to be will be.
Look it directly in the eye.
Fear exaggerates the truth.
Remember who you are.
You have faced this phantom before.
Understanding Fear: Identifying Cognitive Distortions
Overcoming Fear: Fixing Cognitive Distortions
Morning Traffic
Office Politics
Loud Neighbours
Unpredictable Weather
Giving up the fight.
Waving the white flag.
Surrendering to what is.
And always has been.
You conserve energy for the joyful in your life.
The meaningful in your life.
The soulful in your life.
Including this very moment.
What we believe matters. As it’s our mindset that shapes our physiological and emotional response to stressful circumstances. Ultimately, determining our ability to bounce back after adversity.
For example, when a relationship ends, if we view it as a personal failure, from a place of blame and shame, we are less likely to try again. Afraid to risk the pain, reluctant to venture beyond our comfort zone.
On the other hand, if we perceive the same breakup as an opportunity to learn. To begin again. To start over. Fresh. Renewed. We are more open to meeting someone new.
Today I am grateful for all of my relationship failures. For if it weren’t for the loss, the heartache, and the lessons, I never would met the wonderful man that I am married to today.
It was not easy at the time. Challenge rarely is. But if we just keep our eyes to the sky, and trust that no matter what we are going through, it will all be worth it in the end.
I hope you find comfort in your discomfort. And beauty in the stars.
Related Post: Lay down your burdens.
When life changes direction, are you able to change with it?
Are you flexible and open to new experiences?
Are you able to break free from old patterns and habits?
Or do you struggle to adapt to anything new and different?
At the beginning of my TEDx: Dr. Andrea Dinardo: Thriving Under Pressure | TED Talk I describe how the flexibility of palm trees helps them adapt and ultimately be strengthened by hurricanes.
CBC-TV Interview: https://youtu.be/rUWGr_GwzhM
Look it directly in the eye.
Fear exaggerates the truth.
Remember who you are.
You have faced this phantom before.
Understanding Fear: Identifying Cognitive Distortions
Overcoming Fear: Fixing Cognitive Distortions
Are you ready to move on but are reluctant to let something go?
Letting go is not giving in.
When you let go you generate energy needed for moving forward.
Close your eyes. Clear your heart.
Let go of what weighs you down.
Your highest purpose. Your greatest calling.
Stop expecting others to validate what you hear (see and feel).
A beautiful melody that only you can hear.
Fear not who you are. Fear not what you hear.
Trust the music that is in you.
And dance a little freedom dance.
Related Post: I believe in you.
Each time we feel threatened (threat is the fundamental definition of stress) our first instinct is to “fight or flight“. PUFF UP or Shrink.
This perpetual “fight or flight” response loop eventually creates a host of secondary problems, above and beyond, the original stressor (or oppressor).
It does not matter how we attempt to “control” a stressful situation – physically, verbally, or by running away from it.
Eventually, a repetitive “fight or flight” response cycle will take a significant physical and psychological toll.
The acronym Face Everything And Rise reminds us that the many strengths within us will always be greater than the perceived threats (stress) outside of us.
The key is to first discover and then embrace, each and every one of our divine gifts. Within us. And all around us.
The mantra Stand Your Sacred Ground inspires us to stand still, take a deep breath, and trust that being yourself is enough.
Simply holding your own ground is enough.
No fight. No flight. No Fear. Only love.
Thriving Under Pressure 