Psychology Insights: Self Criticism to Self Compassion

WHY ARE WE SO HARD ON OURSELVES?

Great question!

One that I’m asked often. And one that I often ask myself.

PSYCHOLOGY INSIGHTS

What causes this behaviour?

The answer is multifaceted and includes several factors including how we were parented (when internalized superego and conscience first develops) and eventually how we parent ourselves.

For example:

When something goes wrong, how do you respond?

1. Self Criticism versus Self Compassion

2. Self Control versus Self Love and Understanding 

PSYCHOLOGY SOLUTIONS

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How do I make the shift from self criticism to self compassion?

1. Pay attention to where your self judgements originated.

Is this your personal measure of worthiness or society’s expectation of success?

2. Investigate how truly arbitrary the standards you set for yourself are.

For example, who said you had to weigh 125 lbs, have a million dollars in the bank, and be married by 30?

3. Don’t Believe Everything You Think!

Watch this short video for additional insights into the developmental origins of toxic self criticism, unrealistic standards, and the SUPERego.

Be kinder to yourself. And let your kindness flood the world.”

VISIT PSYCHOLOGY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: 
https://m.youtube.com/c/DrAndreaDinardo

EMPOWERING THOUGHTS

Choose the THOUGHTS that emPOWER you today.

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It takes

one word

one thought

one mantra

to shift our mind

from pain to power.

What will your empowering thought be this week?

I’d love to know.

Share your WORD in comments below ⤵️

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Related Post: Empowering Conversations

Thanks for visiting my psychology blog!

Dr. D 💖☀️

Psychology on YouTube: Helping people live a better life.

Psychology for Everyone

My number one intention for becoming a psychologist and psychology professor has always been to help people live a better life, no matter their life circumstances.

And since there are only so many hours in a day, I’m always looking for new ways to reach and teach as many people as I can. All at once, if possible.   

Which is why I created a Psychology Tips Playlist on my YouTube Channel that I contribute to weekly.

101 psychology videos for you to enjoy! ⤵️

Psychology Tips: Video Playlist

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Fun Learning Opportunity

The purpose of my Psychology YouTube Channel is to share the key lessons of my 3 hour psychology lectures in 3 to 5 minutes.

  • Giving people far and wide access to virtual classes, especially those who don’t have the money or means to an undergraduate education.

I know how busy everyone is. And I love a good challenge! 

I also include videos of psychology workshops and keynote speeches.

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Wishing you a day filled with love & learning! 📕💙

Thriving Teams. Thriving Leaders.

THRIVING TEAMS Dr. Andrea Dinardo

LESSONS LEARNED

In the post below, I share lessons learned at a recent thriving student leadership  teams workshop.

It was a true team effort!  With the team-building and leadership exercises equally led by the student leaders and myself.

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Please join in and explore the reflection questions, interactive activities, and workshop videos with the teams in your life.

Together Everyone Achieves More!

WHAT HELPS TEAMS FLOURISH & THRIVE?

1. Compassion and Empathy

“It takes both sides to build a bridge.”

Perspective taking exercise.

Discussion Questions:
1. Identify a problem you have faced as a student leader.
2. Determine what’s “below the surface” that could potentially be the source of the problem.
3. Explore the problem from the perspective of the student.
4. Describe the problem and potential solution using both the leader’s and the student’s perspectives.
5. Summarize the lessons and potential opportunities of the original problem. Eg. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about the student?

“Together We Rise.”

UWSA Student Leaders BOD

2. Conscious Goal Setting

“Goals with Soul.”

Personal and Team goal setting exercise.

Discussion Questions:
1. What are your goals as student leader for the school year?
2. What are your goals as team member for the school year?
3. What are your greatest assets for the team?
4. What areas do you need assistance from the team?

“Teamwork makes the dream work.”

UWSA Student Leaders Executive

3. Shared Vision

“Your life is your message to the world.”

“What’s Your North Star?” team building exercise.

Discussion Questions:
1. What’s Your Purpose?
2. What Lights Your Way?
3. What Bonds and Unites Your Team?

“What’s Your Why?”

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Everyday Leadership

  • I encourage you to try our Thriving Teams Thriving Leaders Exercises in your own life.
  • Whether it be your family team, your friendship team, your neighbourhood team, your church team, or your sports team.
  •  Teams are everywhere!

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Assistance from UWSA Team

The videos in this post were filmed with the generous help of student leaders during my THRIVING TEAMS presentation at the University of Windsor Students’ Alliance (UWSA) Summer Board Retreat.

What an incredible group of leaders they are!

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Helpful Resources

  1. TEDx Talk: Thriving Under Pressure
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czXG8odb7pY
  2.  University of Windsor Students’ Alliance (UWSA) website
    http://www.uwsa.ca

“Teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success.”

Radio Interview: Is Social Media Good or Bad for Mental Health?

Interview Now Available 📻☀️

http://www.iheartradio.ca/am800/audio/april-anderson-talks-to-dr-andrea-dinardo-1.9455483?mode=Article

“Live” from the studio 📸

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Your Input Please

I would love your questions and reflections on the topic of social media and well-being for my upcoming July 7 SUNDAY MORNING LIVE interview with host April Anderson on AM800 CKLW iHeart Radio. We will also be discussing thriving under pressure and why failure is good for us.

To watch video — click here

RADIO INTERVIEW OBJECTIVES

The goal of the interview is to give listeners the tools to enjoy the benefits of social media without sacrificing mental health and wellness.

mental health social media

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

What comes to mind when you think about social media? What’s your experience? The pros. The cons. The unexpected.

MY HOPE IS TO INCLUDE YOUR IDEAS IN THE JULY 7 RADIO INTERVIEW

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For example:

1. How does your phone and/or social media affect your mental health?
2. Your relationships?
3. Your mood?
4. Your memory?
5. Your self-esteem?

Please share in comments below.


JULY 7 INTERVIEW IS NOW AVAILABLE!

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Listen Here: Social Media & Mental 📻☀️

https://omny.fm/shows/am-800-cklw/april-anderson-talks-to-dr-andrea-dinardo

International Women’s Day: Who Inspires You?

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#internationalwomensday #rolemodel

Growing up my Mom, my mentor, and the first psychologist in our family, didn’t talk a lot about women’s empowerment.

— She just lived it.

Gracefully. Quietly. Courageously.

Today, and all days, I am grateful for a role model who began her journey from challenge to strength with incredible will and a heart of power.

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A first time mother at 17 years old, the jumping off point for all that would unfold.

“How did you do it?” I ask frequently to this day.

A single mom in her twenties.

One of few women working on our street.

Criticized openly for leaving her kids during the week and going back to graduate school in her 40s.

I lean in often for her wisdom, inquiring:

“How did you rise above all the naysayers and critics?”

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Her response:

When you really, really want something Andrea, you become singularly focused, no time, no energy, for anything else (4 kids keep you busy).

“Sure it hurt, she says.”

”But my mission was always greater than my misery. And this is when I knew what I was truly meant to do.”

Everything else became white noise.

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A teacher, a leader, and a mother who teaches me how to live with equal parts grace, fortitude, and tenderness.

Someone who shows me how to pay my good fortune forward.

Every chance WE get. 💃❤️💃

Who inspires you today?

Reading People: Lesson #2 Social Awareness

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Reading People Begins with Awareness

In reading people lesson #1 I discussed the importance of self awareness before attempting  to understand and read others behaviour. “Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom.”

 Reading People: Lesson #2

Adding to the first lesson is an excerpt from my Pitch with Passion  presentation with student and community entrepreneurs at the EPIC Genesis Entrepreneurship Centre.

➰ Notice Everything➰

In this one minute video clip, I apply the psychology of perception to help audience members read people and their body language. Including their nonverbal “tells” and signals.

The key is to pay close attention to how people’s words match (or don’t match) their nonverbal behaviours. A technique that works in poker too! ♣

To learn more on the topic of reading people, visit:

  1. Reading People: Lesson #1 Self Awareness  Video Clip
  2. Reading People: Lesson #1 Self Awareness Blog Post
  3. Emotional Intelligence:  Dr. Daniel Goleman EQ Video
  4. Three Techniques for Reading People: Psychology Today
  5. FBI Agent Shares 9 Secrets to Reading People: INC Magazine
JOIN MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL 
BY CLICKING HERE

Give pain room to breathe.

How do you respond when a close friend shares a problem with you?

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Are you a fixer or a listener?

If you’re anything like me, my first instinct is to fix the problem.

To try and save loved ones from adversity.

To rescue them.

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To make them instantly feel better.

I suggest we do the opposite.

Instead of rushing in, we take a step back.

Ask them what they need.

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Give their pain room to breathe.

In doing so, we validate the person and their experience.

Helping them stay true to who they are.

just be there

It’s ok to not be ok.

What comes – also goes.

Welcome it all.

Video of this post ⤴️

Come join my YouTube Channel too! 🎥🍿

What’s your mantra?

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This is my mantra.

I write it on my bathroom mirror. I post it on my refrigerator door. I tape it to my office wall. I speak of it every time I teach.

These 4 words remind me to focus on what’s good, what’s working, what’s infinitely possible. Even (especially) when everything is going wrong.

Focus on the good.

Because if I can find one good thing in the course of a day, I have found my reason to live, to love, and to lead.

Sometimes the blessings are obvious. Sometimes they’re hidden. Sometimes it’s simply breathing. Other times “it’s the moments that take my breath away”.

Mantras wake us up.

Mantras work because they wake us up. Snap us out of it. They carry us from the perpetual loop of our worries to the equanimity of present time.

For we all need a gentle nudge in the right direction. A loving reminder to come back to reality.

Or we’ll all be too busy looking down that we miss the beauty of what’s right in front of us. Life itself. 💙

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What’s your mantra?

Related Post: Happiness in one word.

WHY change NOW?

The first question I ask clients wanting to make a change is “Why Now?”

For there is no doubt that they (and you and I) have been wanting to transform an aspect of our lives for a very long time.

But the intrinsic motivation just isn’t quite there. The kind of motivation that is essential for lasting change.

Unfortunately too many people wait for something bad to happen in their lives before making positive changes.

This is a universal truth.

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How do we “change” how we change?

We take two steps back before moving one step forward.

We pause. We slow down. We notice.

We open our eyes to all the possibilities.

We write our dreams down.

We take photos of what inspires us to bloom.

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We ask for honest feedback from people we trust.

We acknowledge what gets in the way of our potential. Big and small.

We compile all the reasons why our best lives shouldn’t wait another day.

And we have fun doing it! Positivity has power too. 🦋

Why change now?

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Watch My CBC-TV Interview:
5 Ways to Embrace Change