⚜️ What do you need to LET GO of to feel a sense well-being?
⚜️ Who and what do you no longer want to be OBLIGATED to?
⚜️ If you had only one year to live, what five things would you STOP doing?
⚜️ What JOY do you wish you had more TIME for?
⚜️ Take a LONG DEEP BREATH and meditate on your answers.
⚜️ You will be surprised at what your SOUL has to say.
⚜️ Make it yours.
Video of Post: Click Here
Today’s story begins in the middle of a spin class. The point in time where you feel like giving up the most.
Because the middle is always the hardest. Whether it be the middle of a semester, the middle of a week, or the middle of a pandemic.
It was thirty minutes into class, and we had finished a tough uphill climb. I wanted to celebrate how far we had come, so I began clapping and cheering.
Despite my excitement, my instructor gave me a curious look and said: “Why are you clapping Andrea? We are far from being done.”
She was right. We still had a significant amount of time left in our workout. But I wasn’t clapping because we were finished. I was clapping because we had hit the wall and survived. I was clapping to energize.
A cheering strategy that I often use in my own classroom. Students are geared up at the start of the semester and pumped up at the end. It’s in the middle that their commitment starts to falter.
This is when I clap wholeheartedly simply because students show up to class. Both in person and online. A fun gesture underscoring how much I value their commitment to education. And they love it!
This year I am reminded how small gestures energize big time. Be it a high five. A wide smile. A kind word. Or calling a student by name.
Because beginnings have their own ticker parades. And endings take care of themselves.
It’s in the middle of a challenge where we need positive energy the most.
Original Source
The Drive Magazine
Helpful Resource
We Need Stress to Grow
During this week’s health psychology lecture, we talked about the psychology of change, including the parts of our lives that remain ‘unchanged’ during rapid and unexpected change.
CHANGE > ANCHOR > ADAPT > TRANSFORM
Consistency
Make a list of what remains consistent in times of rapid change and use it as a grounding technique at the start and end of each day.
Grounding
In doing so, you anchor and ground yourself in a sense of knowing and trust in your built-in strengths and happiness.
Motivation
“Flying starts from the ground up. The more grounded you are, the higher you fly.”
I asked this question of student leaders at a province wide conference pre 2020. See their answers on the chalkboard below —
GO SMALLER
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One class at a time.
Microseconds sometimes..
How do you keep moving forward?
What helps you adapt to change?
Interview: 5 Ways to Embrace Change
How are you coping?
What do you believe is the higher purpose in all of this?
After socially distancing and working full-time from home as a psychology professor (now online), I had never felt more appreciative of the simple joys in life.
A perspective on gratitude and growth I share in the following videos:
One of the reasons I love teaching psychology is that it gives me the opportunity to share why we do what we do. Including in romance!
The more we understand ourselves, the more compassionate we will be about ourselves and others.
Self Awareness and Social Awareness go hand in hand.
So given today is Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be a good time to resurrect a 2019 social psychology lecture on the 5 love languages.
In this particular psychology class, we talked about: 1) what we value in a relationship, 2) our preferred love language, and 3) possible reasons for romantic successes and failures.
Discussed more fully in the two videos below.
In the first video I discuss the psychological theories and related life experiences that lay the foundation for a social psychology class on love and attraction (Chapter 14 in my psychology textbook).
In the second video I reflect upon the lessons learned in psychology class and how to apply these love lessons in real life.
Topics covered on video and in class:
When people show you who they are, believe them.
Maya Angelou
Love Quiz → Click Here Love Video 1 → Click Here Love Video 2 → Click Here
At a recent leadership conference, student leaders from St. Clair College’s Student Representative Council SRC had the opportunity to ask questions live during the final portion of the virtual training event.
One Question Stood Out The Most
What Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self?
In the video below, I share my answer.
Even during COVID-19.
For the pandemic has not changed my optimistic perspective on life and learning.
If anything, COVID-19 has underscored my belief in posttraumatic growth and resilience.
For everybody.
Growth is the only evidence of life.
John Henry Newman
Video of Post: Click Here
Especially during the holidays.
And if you’re anything like our household, it requires a whole new level of relationship skills.
A deeper level of empathy and compassion for the pressures of the people we are living with.
Helpful Tips: Psychology Today
How does this show up in our home?
Emotional Intelligence: Resources
One approach that has helped tremendously is how I ask to have my needs met.
Not what I say but how I say it.
Same message.
Power versus Force
Kindness versus Conviction
Watch 2 min Video of Post: Click Here
Freedom doesn’t come from holding on.
Freedom comes from letting go.
Again and again and again.
Too often we are hard on ourselves for having to release the same thought, emotion, person, or situation over and over again.
When in fact this is how life goes.
Letting go and surrendering are an ongoing process. And as necessary for our mental health as eating is for our physical health.
We must eat three times a day. And sometimes we have to surrender (thirty) three times a day.
And that’s ok. That’s how life flows..
F R E E D O M
If you only had ONE YEAR to live:
What would you STOP doing?
THE CHOICE IS YOURS
Video of Blog Post: Click Here
Mental Health Matters Interview
Situational Anxiety
This week, I speak with one of my dearest blogging friends, Dr. D!
We discuss all things anxiety. She explains the difference between anxiety disorder and situational anxiety.
Dr. Dinardo provides 3 strategies to help us cope with situational anxiety, especially because it may be heightened during the pandemic and times of racial unrest.
1. Video Format of Interview
Watch on YouTube.
2. Podcast Format of Interview
Available on SoundCloud and Apple Podcasts.
Reflection Questions
Watch Anxiety Video: Click Here
Acceptance and peace go hand in hand.
Consciously accept the good and the bad that exists in your life.
The rain and the sunlight.
Quite the opposite.
Strengths that were fostered in the eye of the storm. ☔️
Courage. Creativity. Wisdom. Perseverance. Faith.
And it’s that good feeling that motivates you to strive for more of what’s right for you. Instead of fighting against what’s wrong for you.
Begin by accepting what is.
Moment by precious moment.
The 3 to 1 positivity to negativity ratio is one way of applying this post in your everyday life.
Specifically, each time you criticize an area of your life (or something about yourself personally), write down three positive aspects about the very thing you condemned. Hence, the 3 to 1 positivity ratio.
For example, each time you get down on yourself for not working during the COVID-19 pandemic, write down three benefits of sheltering in place. (E.g., more time for fitness, the space to try out new hobbies, meaningful conversations with family members). This daily practice helps to dampen the adverse impact of negativity bias, a type of cognitive distortion, common to all of us.
Likewise, stop comparing your lowlights to other people’s highlights. You never know what’s happening behind the scenes in another person’s life. Good or bad. FOMO is “a story” fabricated in the mind based on snippets of observable behaviour (video below).
You Can’t Add More to Your Life Without First Letting Go
For example:
Watch this short video on my own experience with peer pressure, alcohol, and behaviour change and answer the questions below.
EmpoweringI also encourage use of this video and reflection questions as an opportunity to talk openly with friends and family about the powerful impact of social influence on substance use. Open conversations empower youth to think for themselves and in turn, reduces their susceptibility to coercion.
Watch Psychology Video → Click Here
And calm in your heart.
The goal is to change our response to them.
To transcend them when the time is right.
e·qua·nim·i·ty
Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. “She accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity”.
Let Your North Star Guide You
Watch Video of Post → Click Here
Today I would like to shine a light on a local entrepreneur named Alex Binaei, the creative mind behind Windsor Updates and the video highlighted in this post.
Alex’s video for Windsor Updates is one of the best examples of how crisis and adversity create innovation and ingenuity. In both our community and in ourselves.
This video is a compilation of news, announcements, and local community members discussing the Covid-19 (Coronavirus) pandemic taking place in Windsor-Essex Ontario and around the world. Including offers of support, advice, and information.
Research on Social Support & Psychological Health
Being surrounded by people who are supportive helps individuals see themselves as capable of handling stress and adversity. Research has also shown that having strong social support in times of crisis can help reduce the consequences of trauma-induced disorders including PTSD.
Original Source: Click Here
Thank you Windsor Updates for including me in this vital project. Your ingenuity and generosity gives me strength and hope! ♥
How are you coping with our universal global event?
After socially distancing and working full-time from home as a psychology professor (now online), I had never felt more appreciative and grateful for all the simple joys in my life.
In this video created for Windsor Updates I share how our family is thriving instead of merely surviving the COVID-19 crisis.
Including counting our blessings like never before.
In the next video I share pandemic resilience techniques with our local Windsor Essex community.
An interactive virtual experience hosted by F45 fitness studio owner Samantha Piercell:
Video of Post: Click Here
Follow Your Breath Become aware of each inhalation and exhalation. Focus on the sensations you feel as air passes through your nose and throat. When you feel your thoughts drift, gently redirect your attention back to your breath.
Stand Up Straight Posture is especially important for breathing. Being upright enhances the rhythmic movement between the diaphragm and ribs. Hold yourself straight. Shoulders back. Feel the power of your breath.
Think Reassuring Thoughts While Breathing With each breath, think soothing thoughts (“I am inhaling calm”). With each exhalation, imagine that you are expelling your fears and worries (“I am exhaling worry”).
Abdominal Breathing Breathe through your stomach. Start by inflating your belly by inhaling, as if to fill it with air, then swell your chest; as you exhale, first “empty” your stomach, then your chest.
Balanced Breathing At the end of each inhalation, pause briefly while slowly counting “1, 2, 3”. Hold the air in. Then slowly exhale counting “1, 2, 3”.
Source: Scientific American
What brings you peace during uncertainty?
What gives you strength?
Breathing Video → Click Here
Judged and scrutinized.
Like all eyes are on you and every potential error you make?
Think back to the first time you gave a dinner party, swung a golf club, wrote a college exam, or posted your first blog online.
Individuals with social anxiety experience this sense of being watched (and thought about) significantly more than the average person.
Independent of skills and expertise.
One potential explanation is a psychological phenomenon called imaginary audience experienced frequently in adolescence.
Think back to how easily embarrassed you were as a teenager.
Resulting in perpetual self-consciousness, distorted views of how others saw you, causing in a tendency to conform for fear of sticking out.
Two studies explored imaginary audience phenomenon among college students.
Imaginary audience behavior was found to be related to measures of social anxiety, self perception, and personality.
Furthermore, imaginary audience scores were more strongly related to anxiety than abstract reasoning.
These results suggest that imaginary audience experiences that persist into early adulthood have more to do with social anxiety than with cognitive development.
Original Source: Click Here
The next time you imagine you are being watched, talked about, or judged by others, remember that imaginary audience IS AN ILLUSION heightened by social media, physiology (eg., lack of sleep), and overthinking.
This is a very good thing!
Live like nobody’s watching. Love like nobody’s watching. Succeed like nobody’s watching. Fail like nobody’s watching. Write like nobody’s watching!
Imaginary Audience Remedy
⇒ Watch Here
For example: You may be more patient at work, but not at home. You may be able to control your impulses when it comes to food, but not when it comes to yelling at your spouse or children.
For example: Saving money for a house versus buying impulse purchases on Cyber Monday. Working 2 jobs to pay for college tuition versus going out with friends every weekend night. Working out to strengthen your mental and physical health versus watching tv all day.
For example: faith, trust, comfort, financial security, long-term vision, full stomach, good night’s sleep.
The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a study on delayed gratification in 1972 led by psychologist Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford University.[1]
In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited for period of time. During this time, the researcher left the room for about 15 minutes and then returned.
The reward was either a marshmallow or pretzel stick, depending on the child’s preference. In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores,[2] educational attainment,[3] body mass index (BMI),[4] and other life measures.
Original Source: Click Here
Video of Blog Post → Click Here
This post is for anyone experiencing FOMO. Particularly on a long weekend holiday!
Psychology Insight:
Holidays heighten social anxiety of every kind.
FOMO especially.
Consider these questions as you explore what’s going on below the surface.
1. Do you remember the first time you experienced FOMO?
2. How did you cope with the anxiety of missing out?
3. What if anything would you be willing to give up in your life in exchange for the fantasy of someone else’s life or experience?
4. What about your life do you cherish above all else?
Please share in the comments below, including your own strategies for handling FOMO. I’d love to know!
Savour this moment.
One of my favourite things to do as a professor is to stay after class and talk to students. They look at the world in a very unique way. Motivating me to think about psychology at a whole different level.
FOMO is an acronym for fear of missing out, which is a feeling of anxiety that manifests itself in various ways, from a brief pang of envy to more intense feelings of self-doubt or inadequacy. Source: Macmillan Dictionary
In the video below I share the insightful questions my psychology students asked about social comparison and happiness today. Each question underscoring the famous quote:
FOMO and “measuring happiness” against each other’s’s lowlight reel (difficult times) and highlight reel (celebratory times) was also an active discussion on social media
How would you answer the questions posed by my students:
Optimism Bootcamp - Click Here
What do you value in relationships?
If you’re anything like me, my first instinct is to fix the problem.
To try and save loved ones from adversity.
Instead of rushing in, we take a step back.
Ask them what they need.
In doing so, we validate the person and their experience.
Helping them stay true to who they are.
What comes – also goes.
Welcome it all.
For there is no doubt that they (and you and I) have been wanting to transform an aspect of our lives for a very long time.
But the intrinsic motivation just isn’t quite there. The kind of motivation that is essential for lasting change.
Unfortunately too many people wait for something bad to happen in their lives before making positive changes.
This is a universal truth.
We take two steps back before moving one step forward.
We pause. We slow down. We notice.
We open our eyes to all the possibilities.
We write our dreams down.
We take photos of what inspires us to bloom.
We ask for honest feedback from people we trust.
We acknowledge what gets in the way of our potential. Big and small.
We compile all the reasons why our best lives shouldn’t wait another day.
And we have fun doing it! Positivity has power too. 🦋
Watch My CBC-TV Interview: 5 Ways to Embrace Change
What motivates you. What excites you. What angers you. What lifts you up!
If you can’t comprehend your own emotions and motivations, how will you ever understand the behaviour of others?
One way of doing this is to schedule time at the end or beginning of your day for quiet contemplation and self-reflection.
Alternatively, enjoy a 2 minute “Self Check In” at the top of each hour.
What you will find is the more consistently you pay attention to your own drives and desires, the better you will understand the emotions and motivations of others.
In the video below, I share the simple exercise I use to enhance self-awareness in myself and others. Can you guess the EQ questions I ask students?
To hear my “one word” — check out the 1 min video above. 📌🎥
Accordingly, I ask students a lot of questions.
So it’s only fair that students get to ask me questions too!
Related: Is Happiness a Choice?
Related Post: From Fear to Love
What brings a smile to your face and makes your heart skip a beat?
Related Post: Enthusiasm is contagious.
My highlight of 2017 and every year since 2003 has been teaching psychology at St. Clair College.
I am so grateful for all the incredible students I’ve had the pleasure to meet and teach.
It has been a long and bumpy road to get here. But I wouldn’t change a thing.
Every twist. Every turn. Every high. Every low. This is what makes life so darn interesting.
Thriving Under Pressure 