“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.“
With time, I have come to realize that failure has always been my greatest teacher. Each failure pointed me in a better direction and helped me to develop strength and authenticity, ultimately unveiling who I was and what I was destined to become
F. A. I. L. = First Attempt In Learning
• The failing grade I received on my first exam in graduate school taught me how to ask for support when I needed it most, no matter how shameful I felt or embarrassed I was.
• The end of a long-term relationship taught me how to value my time alone and make tough decisions for myself, no matter how weak I felt or lonesome I was.
• The layoff from a job I loved taught me how to let go, look forward, and trust in something so much bigger than myself, no matter how scared I was or irrelevant I felt.
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
Is it possible to see failure in a positive light?
Under the right conditions, failure strengthens us, adds to our self-knowledge, and enhances the quality of our lives
• If it weren’t for failure, I would not have met my husband John.
• If it weren’t for failure, I would not be a psychology professor.
• If it weren’t for failure, I would not have written three textbooks.
• If it weren’t for failure, I would not be the person I am today.
My TEDx Talk includes all 3 C’s of Thriving Under Pressure: challenge, control, commitment.
Inspiration for TEDx Talk + Psychology Blog
I created my psychology blog and TEDx Talk (both called “Thriving Under Pressure”) in response to rising levels of student stress and anxiety.
The goal is to help students (and you) develop positive coping techniques in fun, interactive, and uplifting ways.
By first focusing on what is right, before examining what is wrong, people are motivated to move beyond, and in some cases, be transformed by their challenges and adversities.
This activity helped them focus on the areas of their life, including mental health habits and stress management practices, that is within versus outside their sphere of control.
1. Student leaders first identified their triggers. Including emotional, cognitive, situational, and physical stressors. CATCH
2. Then they practiced taking a time-out (long deep breath) during high pressure moments. PAUSE
3. Finally, they shared both self-care (fitness, sleep, nutrition) and professional resources (counselling) that help them replenish unmet psychological and physical needs (as outlined on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs). REPAIR
That said, it’s easy to get lost in a spiral of negativity — What’s wrong? Who’s to blame? Why did this happen to me? Leaving little time in the day for appreciation, wonder, and fun.
Go to bed visualizing three new things you’re grateful for that day.
Joy needs room to breathe.
And so do you.
Engagement
Remember when you were a kid playing with friends, and before you knew it the street lights came on? If it wasn’t for your mom yelling your name, you would be outside playing all night long. In that moment, you were in a state of flow.
You were completely engaged in what you were doing, independent of everything around you.
Your mom could have called your name for hours, and you wouldn’t have heard a word.
One hundred percent of your attentional capacity was taken up by the activity right in front of you.
Most likely you still experience a state of flow and engagement, but not as often as you like.
Engagement and flow are important for mental health. When you’re completely absorbed by a task, your mind has no capacity left over for distressing thoughts and emotions.
Relationships
Social support is an important buffer for life’s challenges.
That said, not all associations are created equal. Some relationships, unfortunately, lead to a deterioration in mental health.
Consider the following when you spend time with people:
Do you feel uplifted or drained?
Do you feel listened to or ignored?
Do you feel encouraged or criticized?
Stay close to people who feel like sunshine.
Meaning
Meaning comes from serving something bigger than ourselves.
Whether it be family, charity, occupation, or community, meaning unites us in a common vision and gives us the will to get through adversity.
Students Are My North Star
That said, meaning can appear elusive to some, so why not consider one purpose each day.
Begin with a typical workday. Choose one purpose, and do something to give meaning to that purpose.
I’ve listed a few options, as well as an example for each:
Pick one person — thank a custodian for their hard work.
Pick one place — post uplifting notes and quotes on a section of the wall.
Pick one time — declare 3 pm gratitude hour.
Achievement
Achievement is the final component of the PERMA model, and, in many ways, its foundation. Goals give us a sense of achievement and satisfaction, helping us to know if we are headed in the right direction.
The key is to balance our drive and determination with the right level of difficulty. If we set a goal that’s too easy, we get bored. If it’s too hard, we experience learned helplessness.
The solution?
Set daily goals that are achievable and tied into your highest dreams.
In Conclusion
Cultivating mental health daily prepares us for the big things in our life. Every little bit counts, everything adds up. Small things on repeat change the world.
Discussion Questions:
1. Identify a problem you have faced as a student leader.
2. Determine what’s “below the surface” that could potentially be the source of the problem.
3. Explore the problem from the perspective of the student.
4. Describe the problem and potential solution using both the leader’s and the student’s perspectives.
5. Summarize the lessons and potential opportunities of the original problem. Eg. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about the student?
Discussion Questions:
1. What are your goals as student leader for the school year?
2. What are your goals as team member for the school year?
3. What are your greatest assets for the team?
4. What areas do you need assistance from the team?
In today’s psychology class, we discussed how important it is to empower friends, family, and clients going through difficult times.
And how even if we’re an expert in psychology, medicine, or business – it does not make us the master of someone else’s life.
Together we explored strength based techniques for uplifting and encouraging others in conversation and in daily life.
Acknowledging that we still have so much left to learn about friends and family.
And the only way to do this is to create an inviting listening space between ourselves and the people we meet to be themselves.
Next Steps
Helpful tips for enhancing conversations with clients and family members can be found in the June article in The Drive Magazine (click here) and in the psychology video below —
The Story Behind the Story
This post was inspired by my sister Noelle.
“When my sister was 19, she had a brain aneurysm. Every day since, she has struggled to maintain her independence and financial security.
Despite her trauma, Noelle continues to thrive in unexpected and beautiful ways. She never gives up, no matter what comes her way. Over the years, I have discovered the difference it makes when I support Noelle from her perspective, rather than dictating what she needs.”
Today I encourage you to notice the little things in everyone you meet. Their smile. What lifts them up. What makes their heart sing. How hard they work. How they get through a day.
Show them you care.
Acknowledge them. Notice them. Lean in. Listen completely. Praise their hard work. Compliment their positive attitude. Encourage their dreams. Thank them for their service.
It only takes a moment to change a life.
Never forget how good it feels to hear something positive about yourself. Pass the good vibes on.💛💫
This blog post and classroom video above are dedicated to all the students around the world struggling to stay motivated midway through the winter semester. I am cheering you on! Encouraging you to not give up. This post is also meant for you – My Fellow Student of Life. 📕❤️
“Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves.”
No matter what happens today, know that in the end everything works out.
Trust me. I speak from experience.
My smile comes equally from a place of darkness and a place of light.
How would I ever know how good I have it today — if I hadn’t lived a life of challenge and adversity.
And the best part is that I get to revisit my twenties every single day.
A time where many of my life lessons were born.
Listening and learning with my psychology students on campus.
And staying in touch for years to come.
I will always be grateful for the tough times in my life — for this is where my strength lies.
I believe the same for you.
You are a diamond in the making.
This I know for sure. 💞💎
This blog post was created for all the students around the world writing final exams this week. Cheering them on! Encouraging them to not give up. This post is also meant for you – My Fellow Students of Life.
Time is in such short supply. The sooner we appreciate its value, the better life becomes.
When I was a kid my mom set the egg timer for almost everything we did; whether it was how long we spent doing our homework, weeding the garden, watching television, or complaining about life’s challenges.
It helped us to understand that nothing lasts forever – good or bad.
This was especially important when we felt helpless over things we did not have control over, including chores we did not want to do.
Setting time limits also taught us to respect how our words and actions impact ourselves and others.
My favourite part of this photo is the story behind it.
When the magazine was arranging the photo shoot, they asked where my favourite place to recharge was in Windsor (Ontario, Canada). I shared that it was a top of Blue Heron Hill overlooking Lake Heron and Lake St. Clair. So you can just imagine the photographer hiking his equipment up the hill, with me tagging along in my wedge high sandals!
But the reward was worth it..
All you can see is blue for days. My favourite colour and place. 💙🍃
I hope this interview encourages you to keep shooting for the stars and believing in your dreams.
Ultimately reminding you that the power within you will always be greater than the challenges around you.
I can’t imagine a better moment in life to learn about purpose and empowerment than when we are young.
Which is why I embrace every opportunity to share the principles of positive psychology with students across Canada.
The most recent opportunity being a conference called: “You Can Do College.”
600 grade 10 students from 14 high schools participated in the 2 day conference.
The purpose of the event was to introduce high school students to all the programs available to them when they graduate in a few years.
Showing them that if they work hard today — “They Can Do College” in the future. Whether it be as a civil engineer, a veterinary technician, a nurse, or an early childhood educator.
The choice is theirs to make
Students are our future.
My job as a Motivational Speaker was to ignite their inner flame for higher learning. This is what I was born to do! 🔥
Pay attention to the person right in front of you. They have something to teach you.
Connecting with audience members is essential for me. No matter how big or small the crowd.
Accordingly, I encouraged students to answer as many questions as they could (which they did!) as I walked and talked freely with the large crowd.
Hoping to meet as many of the 600 students as I could.
One of my favourite moments was when the young gentleman above shared his lifelong dream of becoming an engineer.
Just listening to his mission shifted me to a higher place.
The icing on the cake was hearing about destiny from a student named Destiny.
Destiny aspires to be a cosmetologist to the stars one day. How cool is that!
The next time you meet a student, ask them about their dreams. The stress they’re experiencing immediately disappears.
In my TEDx Talk I discuss how to THRIVE under pressure using 3 stress resilience tools: challenge, control and commitment.
The purpose of this talk and my blog is to help students develop positive coping techniques in fun, interactive, and uplifting ways.
By first focusing on what is right, before examining what is wrong, students can be transformed by their challenges and adversities. 🌴💚
If you like, please share this TEDx video with friends and family on social media. The wider its reach, the more people I can help thrive under pressure!
I am excited to share an interview, photos, and a short video clip from yesterday’s TEDx Event at the University of Windsor. It was one of the most positive speaking experiences I’ve ever had. Truly magical.
TEDx Dr. Andrea Dinardo
TEDx Videoclip
TEDx Organizers
My Psychology Students 🍏
TEDx Slideshow
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TEDx Dr. Andrea Dinardo
TEDx Dream Team
Team TEDx
Thank you for letting me share my dream of being on the TEDx stage! The official TEDx video will be posted soon. 🎥
I have some exciting news to share! I was recently chosen to be a TEDx speaker for the University of Windsor TEDx Event on Sunday, January 28, 2018.
The theme of the event is “Diamonds from Pressure”. Which fits in beautifully with my psychology blog — Thriving Under Pressure.
TEDx Diamonds from Pressure
TEDx Posters Everywhere!
What are TEDx Talks?
“A TEDx event is an independently operated, community driven event. The talks are no more than 18 minutes in length, are idea-focused, and cover a wide range of subjects to foster learning, inspiration and wonder – and provoke conversations that matter.” Source: Ted.com
TEDx Preparation in Six Steps
The process of preparing a TEDx Talk has been quite different from any other keynote or seminar I have given. I have maximum 18 minutes to convey an original idea. So I have no choice but to get right to the point. Which is a very good thing!
Step 1: Create an Outline
In developing my speech, the first thing I did was create a storyboard for my TEDx script. (see below) I set it up like scenes in a movie. 5 scenes. 3-4 minutes per idea. 🎥
The purpose of my TEDx Talk is to help people thrive on their journey from stress to strength.
Step 2: Let Your Ideas Flow
This is where you let your imagination run free. Luckily inspiration flowed in from everywhere! So much so that while at the movies last month, I was struck by an idea with only a movie napkin nearby. So I did what all writers do, I wrote on whatever material I could find. Hoping to capture one fleeting burst of insight.
TEDX Napkin Edition
TEDx Ideas in the Making
Step 3: Edit TEDx Script
In case you’re wondering, there are approximately 2500 words in an 18 minute TEDx speech. Thus I have been equally busy downsizing, condensing, and editing my script. Focus is the goal. Less is more!
Step 4: Rehearse Rehearse Rehearse
Practice your TEDx speech as often as you can. In the mirror. On your run. In the car. At the mall. In front of anyone who is willing to listen. Stay open to feedback. As much as you can. Record yourself and listen back. This is especially important for hitting the 18 minute time limit. I used an audio to text dictation iPhone app called TEMI that helped tremendously.
Step 5: Take a TEDx Break
Now complete, it’s time to rest and enjoy some”Breathing Space“. As unrelenting work rarely fosters positive energy. Best to gear down before gearing up for the big TEDx day. Sign me up for a movie night, a kickboxing session, and a homemade dinner. Doctor’s orders. ♥
Step 6: Test out TEDx Red Carpet
TEDx Diamonds from Pressure is just 10 days away. The outline, the structure, and the body of TEDx complete. The stories worked out. The edits made. Just one last dress rehearsal on the TEDx stage!
I wrote this on the blackboard for my nursing students today.
This is their final week of classes. Which means one final opportunity for me to encourage their success.
This is my favourite part of teaching psychology. Every time I face a challenge, I imagine how I can translate it into a motivating lesson for my students.
Reminding students why they started nursing school is energizing. Staying inspired during final exams is galvanizing. Not giving up is the ultimate test.
Thoughts ⇔ Motivation ⇔ Action
Transforming thought patterns is critical for student motivation and success. As what happens behind our eyes is as powerful as what happens in front of our eyes.
Reframe your thoughts. Reignite your motivation.
Instead of thinking of nursing school as an obstacle to overcome. Reframe it as superhero training. Heros save lives. And so do nurses. Every single day.
By focusing on strengths first, I buffer myself against the vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue often associated with the practice of psychology. And in turn, my positive approach heightens the resilience and stress hardiness in others. (Boomerang effect!)
Everywhere I go, I’m on the lookout for genius. And I don’t mean genius in the general sense. I mean strengths, assets, gifts, capabilities, multiple intelligences that are unique to each person. (Einstein’s quote below captures it perfectly.)
For not only is strengths finding essential for illuminating the abundance in others, it is essential for harnessing the bounty in ourselves.
As each time we witness the light shining brightly in another, we see their radiance reflected back in ourselves.
Reflection Questions
Identify 2-5 strengths that you witnessed in others today. Describe how seeing the strengths in others brought out the strengths in you.
Today I discovered my brother’s ___________. This illuminated my:
Today I noticed my colleague’s ____________. This bolstered my:
Today I uncovered my neighbour’s __________. This reinforced my:
If you need help with finding the good in others especially the challenging people in your life click on this this link to a great article in Psychology Today.
“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” C. S. Lewis
When was the last time you had to start over?
This was a big week back at St. College College — and all colleges across Ontario. Students were returning to school after a 5 week province-wide strike.
An arduous situation that was well beyond student control.
So it was essential that I foster a safe space for students to transition back onto campus and into my psychology classroom. To help them begin again.
My intention was to bridge the gap from stress to strength.
To remind them of times in their lives where they had experienced the stress of starting over. Including the strike. And triumphed despite all the suffering.
For it is in our dark times that we discover our light. And it is in our pain that we find our power. Difficult times force us to dig deep for courage and reach out for support.
And ultimately discover a strength far greater than any adversity.
This week I have never been more proud to be a college professor.
This week students taught me.
What strengths have helped you through challenge & adversity?
Choice is a powerful tool when it comes to stress perception. What we give attention to grows.
Which is why we must make the conscious decision to talk about our blessings more than our challenges. Our strengths more than our stressors. Our excitement more than our fears. Our possibilities more than our problems.
Every day is a new day filled with abundant opportunities.
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”
Need help embracing change but don’t know where to start? In my interview on CBC-TV I share 5 positive ways to embrace change using the principles of positive psychology.
Each time we feel threatened (threat is the fundamental definition of stress) our first instinct is to “fight or flight“. PUFF UP or Shrink.
This perpetual “fight or flight” response loop eventually creates a host of secondary problems, above and beyond, the original stressor (or oppressor).
It does not matter how we attempt to “control” a stressful situation – physically, verbally, or by running away from it.
Eventually, a repetitive “fight or flight” response cycle will take a significant physical and psychological toll.
IS THERE A BETTER WAY ?
FEAR ->Face Everything And Rise.
Strengths First.
The acronym Face Everything And Risereminds us that the many strengths within us will always be greater than the perceived threats (stress) outside of us.
The key is to first discover and then embrace, each and every one of our divine gifts. Within us. And all around us.
Stand Your Sacred Ground.
The mantra Stand Your Sacred Ground inspires usto stand still, take a deep breath, and trust that being yourself is enough.
By focusing on strengths first, I buffer myself against the vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue often associated with the practice of psychology. And in turn, my positive approach heightens the resilience and stress hardiness in others. (Boomerang effect!)
Everywhere I go, I’m on the lookout for genius. And I don’t mean genius in the general sense. I mean strengths, assets, gifts, capabilities, multiple intelligences that are unique to each person. (Einstein’s quote below captures it perfectly.)
For not only is strengths finding essential for illuminating the abundance in others, it is essential for harnessing the bounty in ourselves.
As each time we witness the light shining brightly in another, we see their radiance reflected back in ourselves.
Reflection Questions
Identify 2-5 strengths that you witnessed in others today. Describe how seeing the strengths in others brought out the strengths in you.
Today I discovered my sister’s ___________. This illuminated my:
Today I noticed my manager’s ____________. This bolstered my:
Today I uncovered my student’s __________. This reinforced my:
If you need help with finding the good in others especially the challenging people in your life click on this this link to a great article in Psychology Today.
Create a vision for your life that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning.
This “Why Vision Board” was created by my psychology students this past September.
Why Vision Boards in the classroom.
At the beginning of the semester, I ask my nursing students to share their reasons “why” they wanted to become a nurse. Why this program?
This simple question gives students insight into what motivates them. Something I consciously tap into throughout the school year.
Students are enthusiastic about learning at the start of the semester. New textbooks. Colourful notebooks. Dreams still fresh in their minds.
Illuminating lifelong dreams has the most impact midway through the school term.
This is when students truly need a boost in motivation (right about now). This is the time where I insert their original “Why” vision board into my PowerPoint lecture slides.
“Why Vision Board” created by a different group of students.
Halfway through the semester, students are surprised to see a photo of their own words, projected onto the big screen.
They are instantly drawn back into their reason “Why”.
An animated discussion ensues where students compare their initial motivations with their current state of mind and affairs.
Rekindling their dreams. Giving them a much needed reminder as to why they picked their program in the first place
What’s changed? What’s stayed the same. And why?
“Why Vision Board” in action!
Ultimately, their “why vision board” transports them to a higher place, well above the stresses of their exams, to a place where all their dreams began.
Boosting their motivation. Lifting them up. Multiplying their energy.
A simple why? question that works. Every single time.
Reminding them why their dreams matter.
Why school matters. Why they matter.
Reignite instrinsic motivation in one simple step: Ask yourself “Why?” you do what you do. Every chance you get!
Time is in such short supply. The sooner we appreciate its value, the better life becomes.
When I was a kid my mom set the egg timer for almost everything we did; whether it was how long we spent doing our homework, weeding the garden, watching television, or complaining about life’s challenges.
It helped us to understand that nothing lasts forever – good or bad.
This was especially important when we felt helpless over things we did not have control over, including chores we did not want to do.
Setting time limits also taught us to respect how our words and actions impact ourselves and others.
A simple, yet effective way to motivate myself through tedious tasks and become more mindful of time itself.
The timer principle can also be applied to how often we are negative (and positive) throughout the course of a day.
Venting feels good in the moment, but when it goes on too long, the costs outweigh the benefits.
Joy needs room to breathe.
Too often we complain about stressors for hours beyond the momentary challenge has passed. Leaving little time in the day for appreciation, wonder, and gratitude.
Then one day we wake up and realize that life is too short to be all negative, all the time. Even (especially) when life gets tough.
Balance is key.
Negativity is to be expected. It’s part of the human experience.
The question is – how long will you stay there.
Share your challenges. Share your obstacles. Share your difficulties.
“When my sister was 19, she had a brain aneurysm. Every day since, she has struggled to maintain her independence and financial security.
9. Take frequent MOVEMENT breaks.
All day long.💛💫
