Surrender is not giving up.
Surrender is not giving in.
It’s trusting in something bigger than yourself.
Slowly unfolding.
Something you can’t quite see.
Quietly expanding.
Behind the scenes.
How I Surrender: The God Box
Surrender
Tag: challenge
Resilience: Bounce Back from Setbacks
The following video is an excerpt from my resilience keynote speech at the Healthy Workplace Awards Ceremony.
Psychology Reflection Questions
How do you see resilience?
What helps you bounce back and move forward?
For me, it’s the belief that setbacks are temporary.
And the internal power it creates lasts forever.
Link to full resilience video — https://youtu.be/8VvwITnvrhs
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Failure as Feedback
“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.“
With time, I have come to realize that failure has always been my greatest teacher. Each failure pointed me in a better direction and helped me to develop strength and authenticity, ultimately unveiling who I was and what I was destined to become
F. A. I. L. = First Attempt In Learning
• The failing grade I received on my first exam in graduate school taught me how to ask for support when I needed it most, no matter how shameful I felt or embarrassed I was.
• The end of a long-term relationship taught me how to value my time alone and make tough decisions for myself, no matter how weak I felt or lonesome I was.
• The layoff from a job I loved taught me how to let go, look forward, and trust in something so much bigger than myself, no matter how scared I was or irrelevant I felt.
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
Is it possible to see failure in a positive light?
Under the right conditions, failure strengthens us, adds to our self-knowledge, and enhances the quality of our lives
• If it weren’t for failure, I would not have met my husband John.
• If it weren’t for failure, I would not be a psychology professor.
• If it weren’t for failure, I would not have written three textbooks.
• If it weren’t for failure, I would not be the person I am today.
“Failure is the opportunity to begin again.”
Read My Article in The Drive Magazine: https://thedrivemagazine.com/posts/failure-as-feedback
Your Turn:
What has failure taught you?
Watch Video of Post: Click Here
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Positive psychology on campus
What is Positive Psychology?
“While traditional psychology focused its attention on pathology and problems, in the relatively new field of positive psychology, researchers strive to explore and understand the strengths of individuals and communities that contribute to their flourishing.” Source: Psychology Guide
Strengths first.
I am passionate about what positive psychology can do for students and educators in and out of the classroom. By first focusing on what is right, before examining what is wrong, students are motivated to move beyond, and in some cases, be transformed by their current limitations, history, and circumstances.
Link to: VIA Character Strengths Inventory
Balance is key.
Positive psychology is not about being happy and successful all the time. Instead, happiness is aspirational like a delicious meal at a 5 star restaurant. Wonderful but not to be expected, at every meal, all the time. (Otherwise, we set ourselves up for disappointment on the Kraft Dinner days.)
Instead, the field of positive psychology helps bring out the best in us. In a balanced way. The ebb and flow of life. Negativity is to be expected. The question is – how long do you stay there.
Safe uplifting atmosphere.
As a professor, I believe it is paramount to create a safe and uplifting atmosphere in the classroom. A secure and consistent milieu where students know what to expect class to class, week to week, semester to semester. A place where students are encouraged to build upon their existing strengths, while feeling supported enough to share their current struggles.
Link to: Broaden & Build Theory of Positive Emotion
As I teach mostly nursing students, it is critical that I practice what I teach in and out of the classroom. Nursing students will also be responsible for creating an encouraging and safe space for their clients one day.
The yellow t-shirts are from the Yellow Umbrella Project, an Ontario wide college campaign for battling the stigma of mental illness on campus.
Positive psychology and student empowerment.
My highest goal is to work with young Canadians in a way that empowers and encourages them to become the best version of themselves. Cultivating success in a way that is unique to them. I believe that interactive lectures combined with warmth and real-life stories is the best approach for achieving this goal.
Link to: Positive Psychology Interview
The photo below is from a leadership conference for college students where I discussed the connection between optimism and student success.
Celebrating students every chance I get.
Ultimately, I hope to remind students of their gifts. While encouraging them to embrace their challenges. For we are the sum total of all that is powerful and vulnerable – within and around us. And it’s this extraordinary combination of strong and weak, good and bad, light and dark, that makes our world and our classrooms such a fascinating place to live and thrive.
Repost from July 5 2017
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ABC Technique: Transforming Painful Experiences
Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing: your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
In this blog post and classroom video, I share strategies for transforming painful experiences. Especially those beyond your control.
Strategies include: Cognitive reframing (identifying and then disputing irrational or maladaptive thoughts) and the ABC technique (Antecedent, Belief, Consequence).
I also discuss my latest article in The Drive Magazine (link to article below) where I help a good friend transform the painful story in his life (house flood) into a more meaningful and empowering experience.
Read Here: https://www.thedrivemagazine.com/posts/the-stories-we-tell-ourselves
Tips for Transforming the Painful Story in Your Life
1. Talk to others who have overcome similar circumstances. Be open to their lessons.
2. Ask five people to identify five strengths. Refer to them during the low points in your day.
3. Reflect on times in your life when you have successfully overcome adversity.
4. Be proud of what you’ve been through and have faith in where you’re going.
Excerpt From The Stories We Tell Ourselves, The Drive Magazine
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
To Watch Video Click Here
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Choice and transformation go hand in hand.
“Empowerment is realizing you have a choice.”
My mission in life is to encourage people to own their choices – no matter how big or how small. In doing so, individuals will uncover the magnificent power that lives within them.
Embracing the power to choose one’s emotions, thoughts, and reactions to life’s circumstances is the key which unlocks personal freedom and empowerment.
Video ⇒ The Psychology of Change
POWER OF CHOICE
Becoming aware of choice points, big and small, is the beginning of the path to transformation.
Choosing a path uniquely suited to you – is your way out of disenchantment and your way into a life of purpose, passion, and peace.
CHOOSE THE CHANGE
- Are you ready to claim your life as it is right now?
- Are you ready to let go of the past and live in the present?
- Are you ready to take back your power and the reins of your life?
- Are you ready to fully witness your life as it unfolds directly before you?
- Are you ready to choose the change in your life, instead of it choosing you?
The choice is yours.
Coaching & Speaking Services ⇒ Click Here
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Don’t give up. Great things take time.
Don’t give up.
Great things take time.
Sometimes we have to go through the worst.
To get to the best.
Fall down 7 times.
Stand up 8.
Today is your day.
Your time to rise up!
Trust and Believe in 2019
This blog post and classroom video above are dedicated to all the students around the world struggling to stay motivated midway through the winter semester. I am cheering you on! Encouraging you to not give up. This post is also meant for you – My Fellow Student of Life. 📕❤️
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Rest in Truth.
Truth is truth.
Let them gossip. Let them chatter. Let them say what they choose to say.
Because at the end of the day truth is truth.
And nothing can stand in it’s way.
Rest. Relax. Sit back. Breathe in deep.
Stop trying to convince anybody and everybody of anything and everything.
At the end of the day time will tell.
Rest. Relax. Sit back. Breathe in deep.
When the dust settles and the sun sets truth is truth.
And it shall set you free.💫
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From darkness comes light
“Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves.”
No matter what happens today, know that in the end everything works out.
Trust me. I speak from experience.
My smile comes equally from a place of darkness and a place of light.
How would I ever know how good I have it today — if I hadn’t lived a life of challenge and adversity.
And the best part is that I get to revisit my twenties every single day.
A time where many of my life lessons were born.
Listening and learning with my psychology students on campus.
And staying in touch for years to come.
I will always be grateful for the tough times in my life — for this is where my strength lies.
I believe the same for you.
You are a diamond in the making.
This I know for sure. 💞💎
This blog post was created for all the students around the world writing final exams this week. Cheering them on! Encouraging them to not give up. This post is also meant for you – My Fellow Students of Life.
Related: I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past
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Set a time limit on negativity.
Time is in such short supply. The sooner we appreciate its value, the better life becomes.
When I was a kid my mom set the egg timer for almost everything we did; whether it was how long we spent doing our homework, weeding the garden, watching television, or complaining about life’s challenges.
It helped us to understand that nothing lasts forever – good or bad.
This was especially important when we felt helpless over things we did not have control over, including chores we did not want to do.
Setting time limits also taught us to respect how our words and actions impact ourselves and others.
Full disclosure: My mom is a psychologist too.
Your time. Your life.
To this day I set a timer on the stove.
A simple, yet effective way to motivate myself through tedious tasks and become more mindful of time itself.
The timer principle can also be applied to how often we are negative vs. positive throughout the course of a day.
Negativity is the easy (automatic) route. So we need to be conscious of where our mind flows.
Venting feels good in the moment, but when it goes on too long, the costs outweigh the benefits.
Joy needs room to breathe.
Too often we complain about stressors for hours beyond the momentary challenge has passed. Leaving little time in the day for appreciation, wonder, and gratitude.
Then one day we wake up and realize that life is too short to be all negative, all the time. Even (especially) when life gets tough.
Balance is key.
Negativity is to be expected. It’s part of the human experience.
The question is – how long will you stay there.
Share your challenges. Share your obstacles. Share your difficulties.
But also leave room for what’s good in your life.
Joy needs room to breathe. And so do you. ♥
Interview: Energy vs. Time Management
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WHY change NOW?
The first question I ask clients wanting to make a change is “Why Now?”
For there is no doubt that they (and you and I) have been wanting to transform an aspect of our lives for a very long time.
But the intrinsic motivation just isn’t quite there. The kind of motivation that is essential for lasting change.
Unfortunately too many people wait for something bad to happen in their lives before making positive changes.
This is a universal truth.
How do we “change” how we change?
We take two steps back before moving one step forward.
We pause. We slow down. We notice.
We open our eyes to all the possibilities.
We write our dreams down.
We take photos of what inspires us to bloom.
We ask for honest feedback from people we trust.
We acknowledge what gets in the way of our potential. Big and small.
We compile all the reasons why our best lives shouldn’t wait another day.
And we have fun doing it! Positivity has power too. 🦋
Why change now?
Watch My CBC-TV Interview: 5 Ways to Embrace Change
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Challenges are opportunities in disguise.
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You have the power to change the story.
What are the most powerful words in the universe?
The ones you use to talk to yourself.
Choose the words that move you forward, the emotions that lift you up, and the actions that empower you.
Believe in the one reason that a difficult situation will work out.
You!
You have everything it takes to overcome.
To work through.
To rise up!
To begin again.
You have the power to change the story.
Again and again and again.
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From Stress to Strength.
Challenge can be difficult. Adversity overwhelming. Growth painful. I agree!
Instead of seeing obstacles and stressors as taking you down.
Try perceiving challenges as taking you UP ↑
Again and again and again.
For it’s in this uncomfortable space in between failure and success; breakups and makeups; exams and graduation — that strength is ultimately born. 💥
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Face it – You’re Strong!
Everything you’re afraid of – you’ve already experienced.
Afraid of commitment?
(You’ve been dumped.)
Afraid of failure?
(You’ve failed.)
Afraid of rejection?
(You’ve been rejected.)
Afraid of being broke?
(You’ve been without money.)
Fill in the blanks for me..
Afraid of being _________?
(You’ve been _________.)
And then vow to erase that fear in your life.
By facing your fears head on.
Remember – you have been here before.
You have more knowledge and experience than you recognize.
You are braver than you realize.
You have faced this fear before.
You have survived this fear before.
And you have thrived because of it.
(You may not realize it – but you have.)
Face it – you’re strong!
And you have the power to kick this fear right to the curb.
Once and for all!
Your final challenge is to embrace your power.
Full on!
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Mindset changes everything.
The Resilience Mindset
What we believe matters. As it’s our mindset that shapes our physiological and emotional response to stressful circumstances. Ultimately, determining our ability to bounce back after adversity.
For example, when a relationship ends, if we view it as a personal failure, from a place of blame and shame, we are less likely to try again. Afraid to risk the pain, reluctant to venture beyond our comfort zone.
“Obstacles do not block the path. They are the path.”
On the other hand, if we perceive the same breakup as an opportunity to learn. To begin again. To start over. Fresh. Renewed. We are more open to meeting someone new.
Today I am grateful for all of my relationship failures. For if it weren’t for the loss, the heartache, and the lessons, I never would met the wonderful man that I am married to today.
Trust the Process.
It was not easy at the time. Challenge rarely is. But if we just keep our eyes to the sky, and trust that no matter what we are going through, it will all be worth it in the end.
I hope you find comfort in your discomfort. And beauty in the stars.
Related Post: Lay down your burdens.
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Reigniting Motivation.
I wrote this on the blackboard for my nursing students today.
This is their final week of classes. Which means one final opportunity for me to encourage their success.
This is my favourite part of teaching psychology. Every time I face a challenge, I imagine how I can translate it into a motivating lesson for my students.
Reminding students why they started nursing school is energizing. Staying inspired during final exams is galvanizing. Not giving up is the ultimate test.
Thoughts ⇔ Motivation ⇔ Action
Transforming thought patterns is critical for student motivation and success. As what happens behind our eyes is as powerful as what happens in front of our eyes.
Reframe your thoughts. Reignite your motivation.
Instead of thinking of nursing school as an obstacle to overcome. Reframe it as superhero training. Heros save lives. And so do nurses. Every single day.
Will it be easy? No ↑ Will it be worth it? Yes!
Related Post: Staying Motivated During a Challenge.
How do you reframe to reignite motivation?
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Study Tip: Stay Focused
This post was inspired by the one question students ask year after year:
“Why Can’t I Remember Anything?“
More often than not, it’s a focusing and attention issue, not a memory problem.
An important distinction between attention and memory described in the video below:
Stay Focused
You Can’t Do Big Things If You’re Distracted By Small Things
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Better to bend than break
Flexibility is essential for resilience
When life changes direction, are you able to change with it?
Are you flexible and open to new experiences?
Are you able to break free from old patterns and habits?
Or do you struggle to adapt to anything new and different?
Flexibility and Resilience
At the beginning of my TEDx: Dr. Andrea Dinardo: Thriving Under Pressure | TED Talk I describe how the flexibility of palm trees helps them adapt and ultimately be strengthened by hurricanes.
Applying this Post in Everyday Life
“Do the opposite of what you normally do.”
- Wake up one hour earlier to enjoy some unexpected quiet time.
- Exercise at night instead of in the morning.
- Try gluten-free or vegan to support a dear friend.
- Swap your favourite hobby for something brand new.
- Sit in a different spot in the classroom than you’re used to.
- Drive a different, more scenic way home tonight.
- Meet three new people in your community this week.
- Trade television for library books for one month straight.
- Go to sleep on the opposite side of the bed.
- Spend the weekend silent and completely word free.
Change one routine today and open up to unforeseen freedom and opportunity.
CBC-TV Interview: https://youtu.be/rUWGr_GwzhM
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Rise above.
Today I lift my eyes to the sunshine.
No matter the weather. ♥️
Related Post: You hold the key.
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What will you focus on today?
Choice is a powerful tool when it comes to stress perception. What we give attention to grows.
Which is why we must make the conscious decision to talk about our blessings more than our challenges. Our strengths more than our stressors. Our excitement more than our fears. Our possibilities more than our problems.
Every day is a new day filled with abundant opportunities.
But we have to see them to know them.
Choice is yours.
Related Post: Set a time limit on negativity.
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Change your life. Five minutes at a time.
Are you tired of doing the same old, same old?
Are you ready to end the repetitive cycles in your life?
Is it time for a change?
But ….. you….. don’t….. have… time…
Surrender your fears, your resistance, your excuses.
Change need not be overwhelming.
Start small. End Big.
Little changes make a big difference.
They add up over time.
And ultimately have more staying power.
Where to start?
Begin the transformation process with a daily habit.
Something that you do automatically – without thinking.
Start with what’s right in front of you.
Literally in the palm of your hand.
Put your phone down. Look up. Breathe in deeply. For five minutes at a time.
Use a random interval timer on your phone to cue change.
Every time you hear it beep – take a full on tech break.
A spa session for the mind.
A hello to the world moment.
A reminder to seek joy.
Out of the fog of technology into the luminescence of reality.
Time to breathe deeply.
To stretch fully.
To grab life by the horns.
What five minute change will you make today?
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Lay down your burdens.
No more futile tests.
No more unrelenting trials.
No more self inflicted tribulations.
Lay down your burdens.
Let. Them. Go.
Take a breath. Take a rest.
You have strengthened from your burdens.
You have overcome great obstacles.
You have developed. You have grown.
You have earned your freedom ten times over.
Trust your wisdom. Trust your wings.
This is your time to fly.
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Thriving Under Pressure
How can two people experience the same stressful event and react in incredibly different ways? What explains the difference between stress thrivers and non-thrivers?
Research shows that some individuals possess a set of resilience skills and traits that allows them to flourish in response to stress.
“Resilience is what gives people the psychological strength to cope with stress. They understand that setbacks happen and sometimes life is hard and painful. They still experience the emotional pain, grief, and sense of loss that comes after a tragedy, but their mental outlook allows them to work through such feelings and recover.” Source: Living Well
Building Stress Resilience
Stress hardiness is a pathway to resilience – the ability to remain healthy and strong during stressful and challenging times.
Hardy individuals transform stressful circumstances into growth opportunities by reframing adversity and taking direct action in response to stress.
Bouncing Back from Adversity
In the video below, I describe the 3 key components of stress hardiness:
1. Control
– Focusing on the things you can change and letting go of the things you can’t.
E.g., “You hold the key.”
2. Challenge
– Reframing stressful challenges as opportunities for growth.
E.g., “Strength Training.“
3. Commitment
– Envisioning a higher purpose above and beyond the immediate stressor.
E.g., “Ask yourself why you started.“
Each component a critical factor in cultivating the ability to bounce back and thrive under pressure.
Can Stress Hardiness be Learned?
Yes! Research demonstrates that not only can stress hardiness be learned, it has wide-ranging applications in health and wellness, including:
1. Lowering test anxiety in high school students.
2. Reducing perceived stress in college students.
3. Protecting against war-related stress in Army Reserve forces.
4. Improving resilience and coping skills in stressed out professionals.
Watch this live event where I teach “teachers” how to help students become more resilient in stressful times.
Video of Post: https://youtu.be/NUh9qqA0x3Y
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The Paradox of Strength.
Some lessons happen over a lifetime. Others happen in an instant.
Either way, the paradox of strength is that it develops though pain.
Each misfortune cultivates a renewed appreciation.
Each obstacle fosters a new level of perseverance.
Each sadness teaches a greater depth of compassion.
Each challenge harvests a new field of possibilities.
We must fall down to rise up.
Again and again and again.
Related Post: I've never met a strong person with an easy past.
