Keynotes – Workshops – Training
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Cozy blankets.
Birds singing.
The sun rising.
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Taste every morsel.
Dance with abandon.
Stroll by the moonlight.
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Peace lives here.
WHY ARE WE SO HARD ON OURSELVES?
Great question!
One that I’m asked often. And one that I often ask myself.
What causes this behaviour?
The answer is multifaceted and includes several factors including how we were parented (when internalized superego and conscience first develops) and eventually how we parent ourselves.
For example:
When something goes wrong, how do you respond?
1. Self Criticism versus Self Compassion
2. Self Control versus Self Love and Understanding
How do I make the shift from self criticism to self compassion?
1. Pay attention to where your self judgements originated.
Is this your personal measure of worthiness or society’s expectation of success?
2. Investigate how truly arbitrary the standards you set for yourself are.
For example, who said you had to weigh 125 lbs, have a million dollars in the bank, and be married by 30?
3. Don’t Believe Everything You Think!
Watch this short video for additional insights into the developmental origins of toxic self criticism, unrealistic standards, and the SUPERego.
VISIT PSYCHOLOGY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://m.youtube.com/c/DrAndreaDinardo
I was motivated to write this post and film the accompanying video after witnessing so many students overwrought by feelings of inadequacy regarding their body image and self worth.
There was no doubt that in reality they were healthy and whole, but in their minds, they believed the opposite.
The following is a set of questions that challenge irrational perceptions and cognitive distortions using reality itself.
The inquiry is not limited to body image and weight and thus can be applied in any areas where you find yourself caught in a repetitive thought loop.
Reality Testing Homework:
- How do I know if this thought is accurate?
- What evidence do I have to support this thought or belief?
- How can I test my assumptions/beliefs to find out if they’re accurate?
- Do I have a trusted friend whom I can check out these thoughts with?
- Is this thought helpful?
- Are there other ways that I can think about this or myself?
- Is it really in my control?
- Am I overgeneralizing?
- Am I making assumptions?
- What would I say to a friend in this situation?
- Can I look for “shades of gray”?
- Am I assuming the worst?
- Am I holding myself to an unreasonable standard?
- Are there exceptions to these absolutes (always, never)?
- Am I making this personal when it isn’t?
Source: Challenging Cognitive Distortions
1. Past visual experiences weigh in on body size estimation. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-18418-3#Sec2
2. The image in the mirror and the number on the scale: Weight, Weight Perceptions, and Adolescent Depressive Symptoms. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3610322/
3. Perception versus reality of body weight: Which matters most. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032713002905
4. How social media contributes to body dysmorphia. https://www.thelexingtonline.com/blog/2018/5/7/how-social-media-contributes-to-body-dysmorphic-behaviors
Rose coloured? Perfectionist? Overachiever?
Do you believe everything you think?
Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing: your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.
In this blog post and classroom video, I share strategies for transforming painful experiences. Especially those beyond your control.
Strategies include: Cognitive reframing (identifying and then disputing irrational or maladaptive thoughts) and the ABC technique (Antecedent, Belief, Consequence).
I also discuss my latest article in The Drive Magazine (link to article below) where I help a good friend transform the painful story in his life (house flood) into a more meaningful and empowering experience.
Read Here: https://www.thedrivemagazine.com/posts/the-stories-we-tell-ourselves
1. Talk to others who have overcome similar circumstances. Be open to their lessons.
2. Ask five people to identify five strengths. Refer to them during the low points in your day.
3. Reflect on times in your life when you have successfully overcome adversity.
4. Be proud of what you’ve been through and have faith in where you’re going.
Excerpt From The Stories We Tell Ourselves, The Drive Magazine
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
To Watch Video Click Here
Motivation to make a change is as much about you, as the people all around you. And unfortunately, not everyone agrees with our decision to grow, change, and evolve. In whatever form it may take.
For when we change, we unknowingly push friends and family outside their comfort zone too. And that’s ok. The important thing to understand is that not everyone is going to support our choice to change. Something I learned personally.
My story
This post was inspired by my own journey of quitting drinking in 2005, motivated by three reasons:
1. Starting a family with my husband.
2. Improving my health.
3. Being a role model for my students
Unexpected Side Effects
What I did not expect was the pressure to keep drinking that came along with my decision to give up alcohol over a decade ago.
The pressure to remain the same.
The pressure to behave like everyone else.
A resistance to change from others that I did not foresee.
My students’ stories
— Peer Pressure and Alcohol Use in College
Students over the age of 19 have a choice when it comes to drinking alcohol.
A decision to drink or not drink that is often overshadowed by peer pressure and the widespread culture of risky drinking on and off Canadian campuses.
Too often students drink to “fit in, reduce stress, numb anxiety” (their words) because they know of no other way.
Excerpt from today’s class:
Class Discussion and Solutions
Which is why it’s more important than ever to open up the conversation of what it’s like to be a young person amongst the culture of alcohol use and abuse today.
A hot topic that stimulates honest and open debate in my classroom each year. Including remedies to the pressures of college that extend far beyond alcohol.
To listen to our discussion click here.
Your story
1. What motivates you to make a health change?
2. What de-motivates you?
3. Have you experienced pressure from others to continue unhealthy habits? To not change?
4. How do you stay true to your personal choices?
Rather than debate or argue your case.
Be still and hold your space.
Take a deep breath, and trust your choices.
Trust that being yourself is enough.
You get one life. Make it yours.
Video of Blog Post — Click Here
I look up every chance I get. First thing in the morning. On my run. On my way to work. In between classes. Out for a bike ride. From the skylight in my office. On the front porch before I go to sleep.
The sky connects us to something much bigger. Challenges seem small in comparison to the vastness of the sky. Solutions seem plausible. Answers come more easily.
One Minute to Mindfulness — Click Here
The stars heighten our awareness, expand our field of possibilities, and relax our mind. In their presence, we embrace the profound and surrender the pettiness.
When we look up, we become fully present. In the moment. Completely mindful. Nowhere else to be but one with the sky.
What are your mindfulness tips?
How do you transcend your restless thoughts?
Are you a star gazer or a sun worshipper?
Do you see pictures in the clouds?
Video of Blog Post — Click Here
Video: Let Go and Flow
Even though we often have little control over the “outside forces” in our lives, we can always make a positive difference – from the inside out.
Start here. Right here. Right now. Be still. Breathe in gratitude. Be thankful for this very moment. Start small. Notice your passing thoughts. Let go.
Notice the exact time it is right now. Say today’s date out loud. Look up at the sky. Wink at the clouds. Stomp your feet on the floor. Smile with gusto.
Grab onto the coffee mug you are holding. Inhale the rich scent of the sumatra you are drinking. Feel the warmth of each passing breath.
Feel the texture of the clothes you’re wearing. Wake up to the sound of your voice. Whisper. Sing. Shout it out!
Dance a little dance. Stand up tall. Anything and everything that shifts you from outer space to inner spirit. From not enough to overflowing.
Come back to yourself. Back to the grace of your magnificent spirit. Into the beauty of your incredible form. Feel the rhythm of your beating heart. Sense the pulse of life itself.
Everything you need to transform yourself and the world already exists within you. You matter. You truly matter. But you have to believe it to see it. Feel it to know it. One gentle, uplifting thought at a time.
My mission in life is to encourage people to own their choices – no matter how big or how small. In doing so, individuals will uncover the magnificent power that lives within them.
Embracing the power to choose one’s emotions, thoughts, and reactions to life’s circumstances is the key which unlocks personal freedom and empowerment.
Video ⇒ The Psychology of Change
Becoming aware of choice points, big and small, is the beginning of the path to transformation.
Choosing a path uniquely suited to you – is your way out of disenchantment and your way into a life of purpose, passion, and peace.
Positive Psychology Workshops ⇒ Click Here
“Buddha described the human mind as being filled with drunken monkeys, jumping around, screeching, chattering, carrying on endlessly. Fear is an especially loud monkey – screaming out all the things that could go wrong.” Source: HuffPost
When we’re caught in a loop of anxious thoughts, our amygdala goes into overdrive. Causing us to get stuck in the basement of our brains (the limbic system) where our stressful thoughts go around and around. With no end to the downward spiral in sight.
Time in nature gives us a chance to catch our breath, to see the light, to realize there’s a way out of this never-ending rumination loop.
The impact of nature on the human spirit is so profound that a hallmark study in 1984 showed that patients who had a room with a view healed faster than patients without a view. A mere glimpse of nature was enough to enhance their resilience.
Nature shifts our thoughts. Expands our awareness. Gives us hope. Lifts us up from the basement of our brains (amygdala) to the penthouse (cerebral cortex) where all solutions are possible.
Related Video: Grounding Techniques
