That reminds you that you are not alone in this storm.
It may have been a personal pandemic, not a global one.
You have the courage, the mindset, the heart, the soul.
You Are Not Alone in This Storm
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Stop
Take a breath
Observe
Proceed
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our freedom.” Viktor Frankl
In psychology, flow, also known as being in the zone, is the mental state where a person is fully immersed in the moment. Flow often occurs during sports and creative activities such as writing, painting, and teaching. In this state, people often report enhanced well-being, focus, and joy.
“Nature has the capacity of making us become one with the universe. Look at a tree, a flower, a plant. How still they are, how deeply rooted in just being. When you look at a tree and perceive its stillness, you become still yourself.” Eckhart Tolle
“Be kind to yourself. And let your kindness flood the world.” Pema Chödrön
Challenges appear small in comparison to the vastness of the sky.
Solutions seem plausible. Answers come more easily.
In the presence of stars, we embrace the profound and surrender it all.
Look, up at the sky. There is a light, a beauty up there, that no shadow can touch.
J. R. R. Tolkien
Related Post: Always Looking Up
I asked this question of student leaders at a province wide conference pre 2020. See their answers on the chalkboard below —
GO SMALLER
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One class at a time.
Microseconds sometimes..
How do you keep moving forward?
What helps you adapt to change?
Interview: 5 Ways to Embrace Change
Surrender is not giving in.
Something you can’t quite see.
Quietly unfolding.
In your favour.
Behind the scenes.
Video of Post: Click Here
At a recent leadership conference, student leaders from St. Clair College’s Student Representative Council SRC had the opportunity to ask questions live during the final portion of the virtual training event.
One Question Stood Out The Most
What Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self?
In the video below, I share my answer.
Even during COVID-19.
For the pandemic has not changed my optimistic perspective on life and learning.
If anything, COVID-19 has underscored my belief in posttraumatic growth and resilience.
For everybody.
Growth is the only evidence of life.
John Henry Newman
Video of Post: Click Here
Especially at the start of a brand new day.
A topic I talk about with love and laughter in this video workshop:
Step One: Awareness
Begin by WAKING UP to your inner dialogue tomorrow morning.
Is it loving? Is it kind?
Step Two: Mirror Affirmations
Write an encouraging quote for yourself on your bathroom mirror.
Pick any one of the quotes you’ve shared with the world on social media this past year and post it for yourself on your bathroom mirror.
It only takes one thought, one word, one smile, one song, to change a life.
You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.
Especially now with so many people experiencing pain and trauma in escalating ways.
Something we all need right now, more than ever before.
To be witnessed. To be heard.
Only then can we transformed by what we learn. 🌎💞
Video of Post ⇒ Click Here
Myself included.
But don’t we all?
Wondering if we still have what it takes.
Which is why I wrote this post today.
Take a breath. Enjoy some rest.
Give your monkey mind a break.
What comes also goes.
Related Post: Divine Timing
WHY ARE WE SO HARD ON OURSELVES?
Great question!
One that I’m asked often. And one that I often ask myself.
The answer is multifaceted and includes several factors including how we were parented (when internalized superego and conscience first develops) and eventually how we parent ourselves.
For example:
When something goes wrong, how do you respond?
1. Self Criticism versus Self Compassion
2. Self Control versus Self Love and Understanding
How do I make the shift from self criticism to self compassion?
1. Pay attention to where your self judgements originated.
Is this your personal measure of worthiness or society’s expectation of success?
2. Investigate how truly arbitrary the standards you set for yourself are.
For example, who said you had to weigh 125 lbs, have a million dollars in the bank, and be married by 30?
3. Don’t Believe Everything You Think!
Wishing everyone an extra dose of hope + optimism at the start of this brand new month of May.
8 billion people experiencing the same global event, at the same time – together.
This photo was taken at our first ladies night in our new house in Tecumseh, Ontario.
John and I had just gotten engaged. Just bought a house together.
And as you can tell from my big smile, I was excited to share this special moment with my friends.
Beautiful memories to be relived again.. very soon!
And calm in your heart.
The goal is to change our response to them.
To transcend them when the time is right.
e·qua·nim·i·ty
Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. “She accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity”.
Let Your North Star Guide You
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Follow Your Breath Become aware of each inhalation and exhalation. Focus on the sensations you feel as air passes through your nose and throat. When you feel your thoughts drift, gently redirect your attention back to your breath.
Stand Up Straight Posture is especially important for breathing. Being upright enhances the rhythmic movement between the diaphragm and ribs. Hold yourself straight. Shoulders back. Feel the power of your breath.
Think Reassuring Thoughts While Breathing With each breath, think soothing thoughts (“I am inhaling calm”). With each exhalation, imagine that you are expelling your fears and worries (“I am exhaling worry”).
Abdominal Breathing Breathe through your stomach. Start by inflating your belly by inhaling, as if to fill it with air, then swell your chest; as you exhale, first “empty” your stomach, then your chest.
Balanced Breathing At the end of each inhalation, pause briefly while slowly counting “1, 2, 3”. Hold the air in. Then slowly exhale counting “1, 2, 3”.
Source: Scientific American
What brings you peace during uncertainty?
What gives you strength?
Breathing Video → Click Here
For example: You may be more patient at work, but not at home. You may be able to control your impulses when it comes to food, but not when it comes to yelling at your spouse or children.
For example: Saving money for a house versus buying impulse purchases on Cyber Monday. Working 2 jobs to pay for college tuition versus going out with friends every weekend night. Working out to strengthen your mental and physical health versus watching tv all day.
For example: faith, trust, comfort, financial security, long-term vision, full stomach, good night’s sleep.
The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a study on delayed gratification in 1972 led by psychologist Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford University.[1]
In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited for period of time. During this time, the researcher left the room for about 15 minutes and then returned.
The reward was either a marshmallow or pretzel stick, depending on the child’s preference. In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores,[2] educational attainment,[3] body mass index (BMI),[4] and other life measures.
Original Source: Click Here
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Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Cozy blankets.
Birds singing.
The sun rising.
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Taste every morsel.
Dance with abandon.
Stroll by the moonlight.
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Peace lives here.
You have the ability to make positive changes in your life.
Right here. Right now.
Don’t wait for “the perfect time” to transform your life.
NOW IS YOUR POWER.
Video: Fostering A Growth Mindset 🍃
You finally understand WHY the job, the partner, the degree, the house, the friendship, the ______ didn’t work out.
BUT what about in the “here and now”?
How do we make the leap of faith during the darkest of days?
t h r o u g h ..
into a place of trust and belief.
Respect
The
Process
Your journey is unfolding in the most magical and mysterious of ways.
“What if I fall … oh my darling … what if you F L Y..”
Related: Optimism Bootcamp Workshop
Related Post: Empowering Conversations
Thanks for visiting my psychology blog!
Dr. D 💖☀️
Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing: your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.
In this blog post and classroom video, I share strategies for transforming painful experiences. Especially those beyond your control.
Strategies include: Cognitive reframing (identifying and then disputing irrational or maladaptive thoughts) and the ABC technique (Antecedent, Belief, Consequence).
I also discuss my latest article in The Drive Magazine (link to article below) where I help a good friend transform the painful story in his life (house flood) into a more meaningful and empowering experience.
Read Here: https://www.thedrivemagazine.com/posts/the-stories-we-tell-ourselves
1. Talk to others who have overcome similar circumstances. Be open to their lessons.
2. Ask five people to identify five strengths. Refer to them during the low points in your day.
3. Reflect on times in your life when you have successfully overcome adversity.
4. Be proud of what you’ve been through and have faith in where you’re going.
Excerpt From The Stories We Tell Ourselves, The Drive Magazine
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
To Watch Video Click Here
How we talk to ourselves matters tremendously.
Particularly in the eye of the storm.
Having a “go to” mantra in times of stress helps.
Video of Blog Post ⇒ Click Here
A mantra that has helped me over the years is imagining myself:
during the dark times.
Today I wish the same for you.
May you see the blessing in every storm.
Preparing you.
Helpful Tips: Optimism Bootcamp
From my experience, it’s never the time, the day, or the month that brings good vibes. It’s how we feel on the inside. So why wait another minute for happy hour. Create the life you want wherever you are. 😊😊
Related Post: Happiness in Present Time
My husband and I met 17 years ago today on June 1, 2002. And I couldn’t imagine a better way to celebrate our happy hours together than with this little blog post. May your month of June overflow with love and joy too!
Video: Let Go and Flow
Even though we often have little control over the “outside forces” in our lives, we can always make a positive difference – from the inside out.
Start here. Right here. Right now. Be still. Breathe in gratitude. Be thankful for this very moment. Start small. Notice your passing thoughts. Let go.
Notice the exact time it is right now. Say today’s date out loud. Look up at the sky. Wink at the clouds. Stomp your feet on the floor. Smile with gusto.
Grab onto the coffee mug you are holding. Inhale the rich scent of the sumatra you are drinking. Feel the warmth of each passing breath.
Feel the texture of the clothes you’re wearing. Wake up to the sound of your voice. Whisper. Sing. Shout it out!
Dance a little dance. Stand up tall. Anything and everything that shifts you from outer space to inner spirit. From not enough to overflowing.
Come back to yourself. Back to the grace of your magnificent spirit. Into the beauty of your incredible form. Feel the rhythm of your beating heart. Sense the pulse of life itself.
Everything you need to transform yourself and the world already exists within you. You matter. You truly matter. But you have to believe it to see it. Feel it to know it. One gentle, uplifting thought at a time.
If you’re anything like me, my first instinct is to fix the problem.
To try and save loved ones from adversity.
Instead of rushing in, we take a step back.
Ask them what they need.
In doing so, we validate the person and their experience.
Helping them stay true to who they are.
What comes – also goes.
Welcome it all.
I hope you enjoy my one minute meditation retreat.
Visit my YouTube Channel for more psychology videos.
If you’re anything like me (and Santa Claus), you answered yes.
Including the benefits of leaning into difficult emotions.
Because the more we try to fight discomfort, the longer it lasts.
“The root of all suffering is attachment.” Buddha
Stop fighting. Start flowing.
Let your stress drift gently through you.
Without judgment or condemnation.
Breathe and release.
Moment by moment.
Let go of what is outside your control.
Let go of expectations.
The pressure becomes lighter.
The joy becomes brighter.
Create your own traditions.
Fall in love with the night sky.
Savour a walk in the moonlight.
We can handle just about anything.
Our right brain lives in the here and now.
The other sinks into the present moment, trusting all is well.
I choose my right brain.
Fully present.
All is well.
A walk around Blue Heron Lake.🍃
Related Post: Is Happiness a Choice?
As we head into the weekend, may we all be reminded of the importance of rest in striving for success.
An hour or a day.
“What you seek is seeking you”.
You hold the key. 🔑
Something so close, so within reach, we often forget it was there in the first place. The good night’s sleep we’re yearning for; waiting patiently at the end of each day. The connection to nature we’re searching for; available 24/7 just beyond our front door. That extra deep breath; we frequently forget to take.
When everything feels out of control, breathing is the one thing that will always be within our control. The times we’re under the most amount of stress is the exact time we need to expand our breathing – not restrict it.
The next time you’re under any kind of pressure. Stuck in traffic. Rushing from class to class. Dealing with a difficult customer at work. Desperately trying to recall answers on a final exam. Wake up to the formidable power that exists within you. Right here. Right now. Right under your nose.
Video of Post: https://youtu.be/zRSQw-LjU8k
I write it on my bathroom mirror. I post it on my refrigerator door. I tape it to my office wall. I speak of it every time I teach.
These 4 words remind me to focus on what’s good, what’s working, what’s infinitely possible. Even (especially) when everything is going wrong.
Because if I can find one good thing in the course of a day, I have found my reason to live, to love, and to lead.
Sometimes the blessings are obvious. Sometimes they’re hidden. Sometimes it’s simply breathing. Other times “it’s the moments that take my breath away”.
Mantras work because they wake us up. Snap us out of it. They carry us from the perpetual loop of our worries to the equanimity of present time.
For we all need a gentle nudge in the right direction. A loving reminder to come back to reality.
Or we’ll all be too busy looking down that we miss the beauty of what’s right in front of us. Life itself. 💙
Related Post: Happiness in one word.
Related Post: Let peace begin with me.
The secret to having it all is knowing that you already do.
Related Post: The Sweet Spot
No matter how many times I give a speech or participate in a big event, I am often left with the same feeling for a day or so.
Sadness. A kind of longing. A sense of emptiness.
For weeks, sometimes months, I practice, prepare, and edit my work. Immersed, focused, lost in the creative flow.
At night. On weekends. During all my free time. Hoping to do my best. Not wanting to let down.
Afterward, what was once was filled with busyness is an open space. A hollowness that cannot be filled by looking back or planning ahead.
An ache. A void. For no good logical reason.
So I go for a bike ride knowing how Mother Nature always soothes my heart and replenishes my soul.
There is no more looking back or ahead when I am outside.
At that moment I hear three words deep in my heart.
Here I am.
For solace cannot be found in travelling through time.
It can only be found in where you are right now.
in the blooming trees
in the birds soaring
in the sun setting
in the water flowing
in this moment wherever you are.
Here I am. 💚
Related Post: Always looking up.
Morning Traffic
Office Politics
Loud Neighbours
Unpredictable Weather
Giving up the fight.
Waving the white flag.
Surrendering to what is.
And always has been.
You conserve energy for the joyful in your life.
The meaningful in your life.
The soulful in your life.
Including this very moment.
The next time you are gearing up for another fight with reality. Winter; Traffic; Parking; Deadlines. Try rolling with it. Surrendering to what is. Letting go. No matter the circumstances.
In surrendering, you save precious energy for the joyful in your life. The meaningful in your life. The soulful in your life. Including this very moment. This is where happiness lives.
Related Post: Letting Life Flow.
Related Post - Trust the music.
Related Post: Lay down your burdens.
Where do you go to quiet your mind and free your soul?
Related Post: Taming your monkey mind.
Are you ready to move on but are reluctant to let something go?
Letting go is not giving in.
When you let go you generate energy needed for moving forward.
Close your eyes. Clear your heart.
Let go of what weighs you down.
Your highest purpose. Your greatest calling.
Have you ever wondered how your best friend lives so freely “moment-to-moment” while your mind is imprisoned by thoughts of past events and/or planning of future events (so neatly) written in your (overly structured) daytimer?
Brain Hemispheric Specialization provides insight into why some of us are more present focused and able to “go with the flow” (Right Brain dominant); while others are busy planning their days with the step-by-step precision of a NASA engineer (Left Brain dominant).
Despite being identical in structure, the two halves of the brain specialize in how they process information (e.g., Past vs. Present), and how they function (e.g., Verbal vs. Nonverbal).
2. Watch the following 20 minute video to: a) learn firsthand about L-R brain specialization and b) discover how Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor turned her real-life tragedy into an awe inspiring “Stroke of Insight“. I am still moved to tears by her story! I hope you are too. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is resilience personified.
The more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner peace circuitry of our right hemisphere, the more peaceful our planet will be.
TEDx Speaker Jill Bolte Taylor
This post is a summary of this week’s psychology lecture and Chapter 2 of my psychology textbook.
If you want to learn more, you can download a free PDF of my neuroscience and behaviour chapter by clicking on this link.
Thriving Under Pressure
I look up every chance I get. First thing in the morning. On my run. On my way to work. In between classes. Out for a bike ride. From the skylight in my office. On the front porch before I go to sleep.
The sky connects us to something much bigger than ourselves. Challenges seem small in comparison to the vastness of the sky. Solutions seem plausible. Answers come more easily.
The stars heighten our awareness, expand our field of possibilities, and relax our mind. In their presence, we embrace the profound and surrender it all. When we look up, we become fully present. In the moment. Completely mindful. Nowhere else to be but one with the sky above.
The celestial bodies provide a sense of comfort, peace of mind, and well-being. No matter what happens, the sun will rise, the stars will shine, and the moon will glow.
Blazing sunsets, radiant full moons, and shimmering constellations are all reassuring reminders that we are in this life together. We are united. We share the same magnificent celestial view. No matter what happens, we share equal access to the divine, all-powerful universe. We are one. We are never alone.
Recent research at the University of California confirms that a “me to we” transformation takes place when exposed to nature. The study found that inducing a sense of awe (e.g., star gazing; looking at the ocean) in participants shifted their focus from personal needs (small self) to greater concern for society at large (altruistic behaviour).
“Inducing a sense of awe in people can promote altruistic, helpful and positive social behavior, according to research. Awe is that sense of wonder we feel in the presence of something vast that transcends our understanding of the world. People commonly experience awe in nature, but also in response to religion, art and even music. When experiencing awe, you may not, egocentrically speaking, feel like you’re at the centre of the world anymore. By diminishing the emphasis on the individual self, awe may encourage people to forgo strict self-interest to improve the welfare of others.” Source: Science Daily
I am starstruck every time I look up. I am in awe. The sun, the moon, and the stars are the true celebrities in our universe. Always shining. Always inspiring. Always showing us the way.
Thriving Under Pressure 