Is it something you do or something you are?
Or at work?
Or when you retire?
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I asked this question of student leaders at a province wide conference pre 2020. See their answers on the chalkboard below —
GO SMALLER
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One class at a time.
Microseconds sometimes..
How do you keep moving forward?
What helps you adapt to change?
Interview: 5 Ways to Embrace Change
At a recent leadership conference, student leaders from St. Clair College’s Student Representative Council SRC had the opportunity to ask questions live during the final portion of the virtual training event.
One Question Stood Out The Most
What Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self?
In the video below, I share my answer.
Even during COVID-19.
For the pandemic has not changed my optimistic perspective on life and learning.
If anything, COVID-19 has underscored my belief in posttraumatic growth and resilience.
For everybody.
Growth is the only evidence of life.
John Henry Newman
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The 5 Why’s is a simple and effective technique for understanding the source of our fears and cognitive distortions (irrational beliefs) one why at a time.
An analytic (below the surface) strategy originating in the psychoanalytic theories of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung.
Freud’s Iceberg Analogy : Click Here
With the ultimate intention of enhancing inner peace and understanding.
By differentiating what’s real from what’s not.
To Learn More
Watch my in-depth interview on situational anxiety with Dr. Katherin Garland – see below
What about you?
Do you interpret their meaning?
Have you ever dreamt the same dream repeatedly?
Dream Symbol: Water
A “dream theme” I have at least twice a week.
If you’re curious about the psychology of dreams, leave a dream in the comments and I will interpret it for you.
Dream Video: Click Here
Myself included.
But don’t we all?
Wondering if we still have what it takes.
Which is why I wrote this post today.
Take a breath. Enjoy some rest.
Give your monkey mind a break.
What comes also goes.
Related Post: Divine Timing
Everyone experiences time differently.
Because time truly is relative.
For example:
For example:
Taken one step further, time defines who we are, and ultimately who we become.
How we live our days is how we live our lives.
Moments → Hours → Days → Months → Lifetimes
Which is why the more conscious and aware we become about how we spend and prioritize our time, the more meaningful and satisfying our lives will become.
Concrete Examples of Time Usage
Identify 5 ways you spend 100 units (dollars) of time each day. (As illustrated in the video)
Compare and contrast your “money time sheet” with family and friends.
Are you more influenced by external measures of time?
Has your use of time changed since COVID?
Has your perception of time changed with age?
The trouble is, you think you have time.Jack Kornfield
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And calm in your heart.
The goal is to change our response to them.
To transcend them when the time is right.
e·qua·nim·i·ty
Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. “She accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity”.
Let Your North Star Guide You
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Judged and scrutinized.
Like all eyes are on you and every potential error you make?
Think back to the first time you gave a dinner party, swung a golf club, wrote a college exam, or posted your first blog online.
Individuals with social anxiety experience this sense of being watched (and thought about) significantly more than the average person.
Independent of skills and expertise.
One potential explanation is a psychological phenomenon called imaginary audience experienced frequently in adolescence.
Think back to how easily embarrassed you were as a teenager.
Resulting in perpetual self-consciousness, distorted views of how others saw you, causing in a tendency to conform for fear of sticking out.
Two studies explored imaginary audience phenomenon among college students.
Imaginary audience behavior was found to be related to measures of social anxiety, self perception, and personality.
Furthermore, imaginary audience scores were more strongly related to anxiety than abstract reasoning.
These results suggest that imaginary audience experiences that persist into early adulthood have more to do with social anxiety than with cognitive development.
Original Source: Click Here
The next time you imagine you are being watched, talked about, or judged by others, remember that imaginary audience IS AN ILLUSION heightened by social media, physiology (eg., lack of sleep), and overthinking.
This is a very good thing!
Live like nobody’s watching. Love like nobody’s watching. Succeed like nobody’s watching. Fail like nobody’s watching. Write like nobody’s watching!
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Merely an idea 5 years ago.
Only then will we have the fuel + the faith to keep reaching for our North Stars.
Again and again and again.. 🙏💛 🚀💫
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For example: You may be more patient at work, but not at home. You may be able to control your impulses when it comes to food, but not when it comes to yelling at your spouse or children.
For example: Saving money for a house versus buying impulse purchases on Cyber Monday. Working 2 jobs to pay for college tuition versus going out with friends every weekend night. Working out to strengthen your mental and physical health versus watching tv all day.
For example: faith, trust, comfort, financial security, long-term vision, full stomach, good night’s sleep.
The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a study on delayed gratification in 1972 led by psychologist Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford University.[1]
In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited for period of time. During this time, the researcher left the room for about 15 minutes and then returned.
The reward was either a marshmallow or pretzel stick, depending on the child’s preference. In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores,[2] educational attainment,[3] body mass index (BMI),[4] and other life measures.
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Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Cozy blankets.
Birds singing.
The sun rising.
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Taste every morsel.
Dance with abandon.
Stroll by the moonlight.
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Peace lives here.
This post is for anyone experiencing FOMO. Particularly on a long weekend holiday!
Psychology Insight:
Holidays heighten social anxiety of every kind.
FOMO especially.
Consider these questions as you explore what’s going on below the surface.
1. Do you remember the first time you experienced FOMO?
2. How did you cope with the anxiety of missing out?
3. What if anything would you be willing to give up in your life in exchange for the fantasy of someone else’s life or experience?
4. What about your life do you cherish above all else?
Please share in the comments below, including your own strategies for handling FOMO. I’d love to know!
Savour this moment.
1. What would you stop doing if you only had one year to live?
2. What would you start doing if you only had one year to live?
3. What do you need to let go of to feel a sense of happiness, well-being, and peace?
4. What and who do you no longer want to be obligated to?
5. What joy do you wish you had more time for?
Take a long deep breath and meditate on your answers. You’ll be surprised at what your soul has to say.
One of my favourite things to do as a professor is to stay after class and talk to students. They look at the world in a very unique way. Motivating me to think about psychology at a whole different level.
FOMO is an acronym for fear of missing out, which is a feeling of anxiety that manifests itself in various ways, from a brief pang of envy to more intense feelings of self-doubt or inadequacy. Source: Macmillan Dictionary
In the video below I share the insightful questions my psychology students asked about social comparison and happiness today. Each question underscoring the famous quote:
FOMO and “measuring happiness” against each other’s’s lowlight reel (difficult times) and highlight reel (celebratory times) was also an active discussion on social media
How would you answer the questions posed by my students:
Optimism Bootcamp - Click Here
1. What area of your life do you need to slow down in?
2. What area of your life do you need to REV IT UP in?
Order them in terms of A to D with A being what matters most.
A Priorities =
Eating healthy.
Studying for final exams.
Getting a good night’s sleep.
D Priorities =
Watching Netflix until 2am.
Repeatedly checking Facebook posts.
Complaining about past relationships.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n69viXICuEo
What’s on your A list today?
Even though we often have little control over the “outside forces” in our lives, we can always make a positive difference – from the inside out.
Start here. Right here. Right now. Be still. Breathe in gratitude. Be thankful for this very moment. Start small. Notice your passing thoughts. Let go.
Notice the exact time it is right now. Say today’s date out loud. Look up at the sky. Wink at the clouds. Stomp your feet on the floor. Smile with gusto.
Grab onto the coffee mug you are holding. Inhale the rich scent of the sumatra you are drinking. Feel the warmth of each passing breath.
Feel the texture of the clothes you’re wearing. Wake up to the sound of your voice. Whisper. Sing. Shout it out!
Dance a little dance. Stand up tall. Anything and everything that shifts you from outer space to inner spirit. From not enough to overflowing.
Come back to yourself. Back to the grace of your magnificent spirit. Into the beauty of your incredible form. Feel the rhythm of your beating heart. Sense the pulse of life itself.
Everything you need to transform yourself and the world already exists within you. You matter. You truly matter. But you have to believe it to see it. Feel it to know it. One gentle, uplifting thought at a time.
In reading people lesson #1 I discussed the importance of self awareness before attempting to understand and read others behaviour. “Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom.”
Adding to the first lesson is an excerpt from my Pitch with Passion presentation with student and community entrepreneurs at the EPIC Genesis Entrepreneurship Centre.
In this one minute video clip, I apply the psychology of perception to help audience members read people and their body language. Including their nonverbal “tells” and signals.
The key is to pay close attention to how people’s words match (or don’t match) their nonverbal behaviours. A technique that works in poker too! ♣
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For there is no doubt that they (and you and I) have been wanting to transform an aspect of our lives for a very long time.
But the intrinsic motivation just isn’t quite there. The kind of motivation that is essential for lasting change.
Unfortunately too many people wait for something bad to happen in their lives before making positive changes.
This is a universal truth.
We take two steps back before moving one step forward.
We pause. We slow down. We notice.
We open our eyes to all the possibilities.
We write our dreams down.
We take photos of what inspires us to bloom.
We ask for honest feedback from people we trust.
We acknowledge what gets in the way of our potential. Big and small.
We compile all the reasons why our best lives shouldn’t wait another day.
And we have fun doing it! Positivity has power too. 🦋
Watch My CBC-TV Interview: 5 Ways to Embrace Change
What motivates you. What excites you. What angers you. What lifts you up!
If you can’t comprehend your own emotions and motivations, how will you ever understand the behaviour of others?
One way of doing this is to schedule time at the end or beginning of your day for quiet contemplation and self-reflection.
Alternatively, enjoy a 2 minute “Self Check In” at the top of each hour.
What you will find is the more consistently you pay attention to your own drives and desires, the better you will understand the emotions and motivations of others.
In the video below, I share the simple exercise I use to enhance self-awareness in myself and others. Can you guess the EQ questions I ask students?
To hear my “one word” — check out the 1 min video above. 📌🎥
I met a delightful group of people at a dinner party this past Saturday night. Which of course (like all social occasions) got my psychologist mind percolating.
Particularly when one of the guests leaned in halfway through dinner and stated “Andrea, you seem like the kind of person who never worries”. At which point my husband (laughed) chimed in and said “Oh she worries. Plenty”.
This conversation brings up three important points. One, how truly multifaceted we are. Two, how those closest to us know us best. And finally, how we (write) teach what we ultimately need to learn.
I am not one thing. And neither are you. We are all multifaceted. Equally.
Related Post: Who are you?
Related: Is Happiness a Choice?
No matter how many times I give a speech or participate in a big event, I am often left with the same feeling for a day or so.
Sadness. A kind of longing. A sense of emptiness.
For weeks, sometimes months, I practice, prepare, and edit my work. Immersed, focused, lost in the creative flow.
At night. On weekends. During all my free time. Hoping to do my best. Not wanting to let down.
Afterward, what was once was filled with busyness is an open space. A hollowness that cannot be filled by looking back or planning ahead.
An ache. A void. For no good logical reason.
So I go for a bike ride knowing how Mother Nature always soothes my heart and replenishes my soul.
There is no more looking back or ahead when I am outside.
At that moment I hear three words deep in my heart.
Here I am.
For solace cannot be found in travelling through time.
It can only be found in where you are right now.
in the blooming trees
in the birds soaring
in the sun setting
in the water flowing
in this moment wherever you are.
Here I am. 💚
Related Post: From Fear to Love
The next time you are gearing up for another fight with reality. Winter; Traffic; Parking; Deadlines. Try rolling with it. Surrendering to what is. Letting go. No matter the circumstances.
In surrendering, you save precious energy for the joyful in your life. The meaningful in your life. The soulful in your life. Including this very moment. This is where happiness lives.
Related Post: Letting Life Flow.
My highlight of 2017 and every year since 2003 has been teaching psychology at St. Clair College.
I am so grateful for all the incredible students I’ve had the pleasure to meet and teach.
It has been a long and bumpy road to get here. But I wouldn’t change a thing.
Every twist. Every turn. Every high. Every low. This is what makes life so darn interesting.
Some lessons happen over a lifetime.
Others happen in an instant.
Either way, the paradox of strength is that it develops though pain.
Each misfortune cultivates a renewed appreciation.
Each obstacle fosters a new level of perseverance.
Each sadness teaches a greater depth of compassion.
Each challenge harvests a new field of possibilities.
We must fall down to rise up.
Again and again and again.
Related Post: I've never met a strong person with an easy past.
Related Post: Just Breathe.
I was thinking about time tonight. It’s like a never ending circle that starts and stops at the same place. A perpetual loop heightened on a Sunday night.
And the only way to slow it down is to breathe in each moment. To notice each ephemeral hour. To rest gently in the arms of time.
Related Post: The Sweet Spot
Even though we often have little control over the “outside forces” in our lives, we can always make a positive difference – from the inside out.
Start here. Right here. Right now. Be still. Breathe in gratitude. Be thankful for this very moment. Start small. Notice your passing thoughts. Let go.
Notice the exact time it is right now. Say today’s date out loud. Look up at the sky. Wink at the clouds. Stomp your feet on the floor. Smile with gusto.
Grab onto the coffee mug you are holding. Inhale the rich scent of the sumatra you are drinking. Feel the warmth of each passing breath.
Feel the texture of the clothes you’re wearing. Wake up to the sound of your voice. Whisper. Sing. Shout it out!
Dance a little dance. Stand up tall. Anything and everything that shifts you from outer space to inner spirit. From not enough to overflowing.
Come back to yourself. Back to the grace of your magnificent spirit. Into the beauty of your incredible form. Feel the rhythm of your beating heart. Sense the pulse of life itself.
Everything you need to transform yourself and the world already exists within you. You matter. You truly matter. But you have to believe it to see it. Feel it to know it. One gentle, uplifting thought at a time.
1/ Identify a stressor / challenge in your life. Be specific.
For example: Not enough money. Too busy. Lack of sleep. Pushy relative.
Your Answer: ______________________________
2/ What is this stressor / challenge trying to teach you?
For Example: Slow down. Change jobs. End a relationship. Get help. Breathe.
Your Answer: ______________________________
3/ How did you overcome challenges in the past? Be specific.
For Example: Trusted myself. Reached out. Held on. Said no. Moved on.
Your Answer: ______________________________
4/ Which strength will help you overcome current challenge?
For Example: Faith. Patience. Positivity. Reflection. Connection. Laughter.
Your Answer: _______________________________
5/ List positive results of mastering this stressor / challenge.
For Example: Enhanced self-esteem. Less negativity. More authenticity.
Your Answer: _______________________________
What empowering lessons have your stressors & challenges taught you?
Thriving Under Pressure 