Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Cozy blankets.
Birds singing.
The sun rising.
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Taste every morsel.
Dance with abandon.
Stroll by the moonlight.
Not days.
Not weeks.
Not years.
Peace lives here.
We live in a world weighed down by tragedy and adversity.
And we have been conditioned to believe that tragedies require tragic mindsets and hardships demand hardened spirits.
We also live in a world overflowing with abundance and joy.
But we cannot see the good from the bad when we are blinded by what weighs us down. Often resulting in one-sided fixed perceptions of reality.
A shift in focus can happen in a number of ways.
Laughter. Gratitude. Awe. A long deep breath.
Laughter Yoga: Watch Here
1. Laughter breaks the panic spell.
The not enough mindset. The woe is me attitude. The negativity downturn.
2. Laughter melts the stress away.
3. Laughter connects people in present time.
Friends and strangers! Think of the last time you laughed out loud with a cashier in the grocery line. For me, it was last night.
4. Laughter is good for our health.
It benefits our mind and our body.
have fun
Remember who you were before life weighed you down.
Dance a little dance. Be a goofball with friends.
Respond to hard times with a light heart and an open mind.
Nourish your soul.
Video of Post: Watch Here
Every time we feel threatened (threat is the fundamental definition of stress) our first instinct is to “fight or flight“.
This perpetual “fight or flight” response loop eventually creates a host of secondary problems, above and beyond, the original stressor.
It does not matter how we attempt to “control” a stressful situation – physically, verbally, or by running away from it.
Eventually, a repetitive “fight or flight” response cycle takes a significant toll on our bodies.
Tune into Your Body. Your Breath. This Moment in Time.
The acronym Face Everything And Rise reminds us that the many strengths within us will always be greater than the perceived threats and stress outside us.
The key is to first discover and then embrace each and every one of our divine gifts. Within us. And all around us.
The mantra Stand Your Sacred Ground inspires us to stand still, take a deep breath, and trust that being yourself is enough.
Simply holding your ground is enough.
Courage is grace under pressure.
Ernest Hemingway
Original Source
The Drive Magazine
You, as much as anyone else, are worthy of your love and attention.
I am a strong believer in keeping things simple.
The less complicated things are, the more likely we are to repeat the behaviour.
Especially when it comes to health and happiness habits.
Add five to ten minutes of relaxation to each of your morning routines. Time expands when you savour your smoothie mindfully.
Wherever you are right now – stand up. Put your arms to the ceiling and take a long breath. Bring your arms to your toes and hold them there. Repeat five times throughout the day. Show your limbs some love today.
When was the last time you took a break during lunch? No phone. No computer. Just you and your turkey sandwich. Today is that day. Cherish your lunch. Enjoy every bite. Give yourself the gift of a lunch break.
My favourite way to improve the day is through movement. Whether it be a stroll around the block, hugging a tree in the park, or a one-hour cardio session at the club. Do what works for you, independent of everyone else. Commit to moving one extra step today.
Immerse yourself in fresh air today. Especially when you hit a roadblock in creativity. Go outside. Look up at the sky. Watch the clouds float by.
When was the last time you sat in silence? Today is that day. Set an alarm on your phone for three hours from now. Start with seven minutes of absolute silence. Write down what you find out about yourself.
Devote one hour to reading today. Including this magazine!
When you are available to everybody all the time, you are unavailable to yourself. Start by setting a boundary between you and technology. Turn off your phone and computer for 12 hours straight.
Out of all five senses, smell has the strongest link to emotion and memory. Which is why a scent like peppermint can transport you instantly to another time and dimension.
Cover the floor with all your favourite blankets. Take a long deep breath and take in the view of your house from a different perspective.
Take yourself to a matinee movie today! Spoil yourself with popcorn and ice-cold pop.
Write a love letter to yourself and post it on your bathroom mirror. Read it out loud, every chance you get.
Peace Video Watch Here
Honour Your Limits.
In every area of your life.
It’s not a race.
Pace Yourself
The world needs what you have to give — long-term.
In every area of your life.
It’s a lifetime.
Helpful Resource: Energy Awareness and Management
During this week’s health psychology lecture, we talked about the psychology of change, including the parts of our lives that remain ‘unchanged’ during rapid and unexpected change.
CHANGE > ANCHOR > ADAPT > TRANSFORM
Consistency
Make a list of what remains consistent in times of rapid change and use it as a grounding technique at the start and end of each day.
Grounding
In doing so, you anchor and ground yourself in a sense of knowing and trust in your built-in strengths and happiness.
Motivation
“Flying starts from the ground up. The more grounded you are, the higher you fly.”
Is it something you do or something you are?
Or at work?
Or when you retire?
Video of Post: Click Here
Stop
Take a breath
Observe
Proceed
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our freedom.” Viktor Frankl
In psychology, flow, also known as being in the zone, is the mental state where a person is fully immersed in the moment. Flow often occurs during sports and creative activities such as writing, painting, and teaching. In this state, people often report enhanced well-being, focus, and joy.
“Nature has the capacity of making us become one with the universe. Look at a tree, a flower, a plant. How still they are, how deeply rooted in just being. When you look at a tree and perceive its stillness, you become still yourself.” Eckhart Tolle
“Be kind to yourself. And let your kindness flood the world.” Pema Chödrön
Challenges appear small in comparison to the vastness of the sky.
Solutions seem plausible. Answers come more easily.
In the presence of stars, we embrace the profound and surrender it all.
Look, up at the sky. There is a light, a beauty up there, that no shadow can touch.
J. R. R. Tolkien
Related Post: Always Looking Up
Especially during the holidays.
And if you’re anything like our household, it requires a whole new level of relationship skills.
A deeper level of empathy and compassion for the pressures of the people we are living with.
Helpful Tips: Psychology Today
How does this show up in our home?
Emotional Intelligence: Resources
One approach that has helped tremendously is how I ask to have my needs met.
Not what I say but how I say it.
Same message.
Power versus Force
Kindness versus Conviction
Watch 2 min Video of Post: Click Here
I recently did a virtual keynote at the Healthy Workplace Awards Ceremony.
Watch Video: Click Here
Given all we are collectively going through, I thought the notes and video from the virtual keynote presentation would be helpful to everyone.
Especially as we wrap up 2020. A year where we collectively experienced one of the most monumental global events in history.
A time of rapid change, adaptation, and transformation.
During the 14 minute virtual keynote, I shared a Framework for Sustainable Resilience and Mental Health called Catch Pause Repair (CPR):
Catch yourself before a stress response escalates by becoming more aware of what triggers you.
What Are Your Stress Triggers? Self Test Here
Pause and take a 60 second time out when you feel the physical sensations of stress begin to escalate.
One Minute Meditation Relax Here
Repair the root source of the heightened stress response which is often physiological in nature. Possible unmet needs include: sleep, food, fresh air, exercise.
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Overview Here
Watch CPR Presentation: Click Here
I used to think of life purpose as some great big grand scheme for life, something we spend our whole life chasing after. Daunting for sure. At times overwhelming.
Then one day I realized that life purpose was a series of small, fleeting events, rather than one great big span of life. Bite size in fact.
It’s the one thing we love doing, time and time again. Over and over. Day by day. It’s the one thing we love sharing. Moment to moment. Breath by breath.
RELATED POST:
Anchor Yourself With Light
For me it’s making the person right in front of me (no matter who they are) feel like the most important person in the world.
Engaging fully, completely, in every conversation I have.
No matter how long. No matter how short.
REFLECTION QUESTION: What makes you come alive?
My hope for today is to make you feel like the centre of my universe. One smile at a time. One conversation at time. If only for a moment. Sometimes for a lifetime.
More than you’ll ever know.
Sometimes we need a quick, fun, and easy way to elevate our mood. Suggestion: Angel Cards A simple, soulful practice that takes a (bite sized) moment. Now my friends ask me to bring angel cards to all our coffee talks. Even if we’re sitting 8 feet apart! These light-hearted cards guarantee a shift UP in conversation. From the mundane to the magical.
What lights your way today?
Watch Video Of Post: Click Here
For Example: Anger
That said, it’s not as simple as becoming “more calm” or “less explosive”.
The Kübler-Ross Model provides insight:
The goal is to discover if angry thoughts, actions, or emotions are serving a purpose.
Is anger helping or hurting?
And if this is the case, the goal of coaching is to help clients replace confrontations (for example) with more effective communication patterns.
PSYCHOLOGY HOMEWORK
Anger → Awareness
First: Set aside time to journal thoughts and emotions about “hot topics”. This allows for a cooling off period and a chance for self reflection and integration.
Second: Plan a mutually beneficial time to discuss anger triggers and solutions with friends and family.
This 2-step communication technique results in safe, open, and engaging conversations that move both relationships and actions forward. Win Win!
Especially now with so many people experiencing pain and trauma in escalating ways.
Something we all need right now, more than ever before.
To be witnessed. To be heard.
Only then can we transformed by what we learn. 🌎💞
Video of Post ⇒ Click Here
WHY ARE WE SO HARD ON OURSELVES?
Great question!
One that I’m asked often. And one that I often ask myself.
The answer is multifaceted and includes several factors including how we were parented (when internalized superego and conscience first develops) and eventually how we parent ourselves.
For example:
When something goes wrong, how do you respond?
1. Self Criticism versus Self Compassion
2. Self Control versus Self Love and Understanding
How do I make the shift from self criticism to self compassion?
1. Pay attention to where your self judgements originated.
Is this your personal measure of worthiness or society’s expectation of success?
2. Investigate how truly arbitrary the standards you set for yourself are.
For example, who said you had to weigh 125 lbs, have a million dollars in the bank, and be married by 30?
3. Don’t Believe Everything You Think!
Everyone experiences time differently.
Because time truly is relative.
For example:
For example:
Taken one step further, time defines who we are, and ultimately who we become.
How we live our days is how we live our lives.
Moments → Hours → Days → Months → Lifetimes
Which is why the more conscious and aware we become about how we spend and prioritize our time, the more meaningful and satisfying our lives will become.
Concrete Examples of Time Usage
Identify 5 ways you spend 100 units (dollars) of time each day. (As illustrated in the video)
Compare and contrast your “money time sheet” with family and friends.
Are you more influenced by external measures of time?
Has your use of time changed since COVID?
Has your perception of time changed with age?
The trouble is, you think you have time.Jack Kornfield
Watch Video of Blog Post → Click Here
Acceptance and peace go hand in hand.
Consciously accept the good and the bad that exists in your life.
The rain and the sunlight.
Quite the opposite.
Strengths that were fostered in the eye of the storm. ☔️
Courage. Creativity. Wisdom. Perseverance. Faith.
And it’s that good feeling that motivates you to strive for more of what’s right for you. Instead of fighting against what’s wrong for you.
Begin by accepting what is.
Moment by precious moment.
The 3 to 1 positivity to negativity ratio is one way of applying this post in your everyday life.
Specifically, each time you criticize an area of your life (or something about yourself personally), write down three positive aspects about the very thing you condemned. Hence, the 3 to 1 positivity ratio.
For example, each time you get down on yourself for not working during the COVID-19 pandemic, write down three benefits of sheltering in place. (E.g., more time for fitness, the space to try out new hobbies, meaningful conversations with family members). This daily practice helps to dampen the adverse impact of negativity bias, a type of cognitive distortion, common to all of us.
Likewise, stop comparing your lowlights to other people’s highlights. You never know what’s happening behind the scenes in another person’s life. Good or bad. FOMO is “a story” fabricated in the mind based on snippets of observable behaviour (video below).
You Can’t Add More to Your Life Without First Letting Go
And calm in your heart.
The goal is to change our response to them.
To transcend them when the time is right.
e·qua·nim·i·ty
Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. “She accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity”.
Let Your North Star Guide You
Watch Video of Post → Click Here
Follow Your Breath Become aware of each inhalation and exhalation. Focus on the sensations you feel as air passes through your nose and throat. When you feel your thoughts drift, gently redirect your attention back to your breath.
Stand Up Straight Posture is especially important for breathing. Being upright enhances the rhythmic movement between the diaphragm and ribs. Hold yourself straight. Shoulders back. Feel the power of your breath.
Think Reassuring Thoughts While Breathing With each breath, think soothing thoughts (“I am inhaling calm”). With each exhalation, imagine that you are expelling your fears and worries (“I am exhaling worry”).
Abdominal Breathing Breathe through your stomach. Start by inflating your belly by inhaling, as if to fill it with air, then swell your chest; as you exhale, first “empty” your stomach, then your chest.
Balanced Breathing At the end of each inhalation, pause briefly while slowly counting “1, 2, 3”. Hold the air in. Then slowly exhale counting “1, 2, 3”.
Source: Scientific American
What brings you peace during uncertainty?
What gives you strength?
Breathing Video → Click Here
Merely an idea 5 years ago.
Only then will we have the fuel + the faith to keep reaching for our North Stars.
Again and again and again.. 🙏💛 🚀💫
Video of Blog Post ⇒ Click Here
We’re on a trip to California for our December birthdays and wedding anniversary and I couldn’t imagine a more mindful place to be.
Luminous moonlight.
Fresh ocean air.
Sunshine in every nook.
Just outside our hotel room door.
Waiting to be climbed.
December birthday blessings of the highest kind.🎄💚
Video of Blog Post ⇒ Click Here
sus·tain·a·bil·i·ty/səˌstānəˈbilədē/The ability to be maintained at a certain rate or level.
CPR includes three simple steps as outlined in the video below:
Catch yourself before a stress response escalates by becoming more aware of what triggers you.
Pause and take a 60 second time out when you feel the physical sensations of stress begin to escalate.
Repair the root source of the heightened stress response which is often physiological in nature.
The CPR Presentation was developed for the St. Clair College Student Sustainability Group as part of their initiative for supporting the health and wellbeing of college staff, faculty, and students.
This was the first time I’ve been approached to make a video for a third party. And it was so much fun!
Life is complicated. Stress management shouldn’t be.
You have the ability to make positive changes in your life.
Right here. Right now.
Don’t wait for “the perfect time” to transform your life.
NOW IS YOUR POWER.
Why Can’t I Remember Anything?
One of the most frequent questions I was asked as a practicing psychologist and more recently as a psychology professor is why can’t I remember anything.
An important distinction between memory and attention that I share in the focus video below.
In the video in particular, I describe how the Atkinson–Shiffrin memory model (see model below) differentiates between sensory, short-term, and long-term memory.
And the important implications this model has for one’s ability to focus and remember information long term.
You can’t do big things if you’re distracted by small things.
Video of Post: Click Here
This post is for anyone experiencing FOMO. Particularly on a long weekend holiday!
Psychology Insight:
Holidays heighten social anxiety of every kind.
FOMO especially.
Consider these questions as you explore what’s going on below the surface.
1. Do you remember the first time you experienced FOMO?
2. How did you cope with the anxiety of missing out?
3. What if anything would you be willing to give up in your life in exchange for the fantasy of someone else’s life or experience?
4. What about your life do you cherish above all else?
Please share in the comments below, including your own strategies for handling FOMO. I’d love to know!
Savour this moment.
Do your morning routines lighten you up?
Or bring you down?
No matter the day. No matter the moment.
Angel cards, hot coffee, and mindfulness take me there.
Fueling my creativity. Illuminating my path. Shifting me higher.
Today’s Angel Reading — Click Here
No matter the day. No matter the moment.
Angel cards, hot coffee, and mindfulness take me there.
For I have finally found the light in me.
Ready to share ☀️ with all that I meet.
One of my favourite things to do as a professor is to stay after class and talk to students. They look at the world in a very unique way. Motivating me to think about psychology at a whole different level.
FOMO is an acronym for fear of missing out, which is a feeling of anxiety that manifests itself in various ways, from a brief pang of envy to more intense feelings of self-doubt or inadequacy. Source: Macmillan Dictionary
In the video below I share the insightful questions my psychology students asked about social comparison and happiness today. Each question underscoring the famous quote:
FOMO and “measuring happiness” against each other’s’s lowlight reel (difficult times) and highlight reel (celebratory times) was also an active discussion on social media
How would you answer the questions posed by my students:
Optimism Bootcamp - Click Here
Emotions are neither good or bad.
Only labeling makes it so.
Instead, lean in and ask:
Helpful Article with Strategies
Click Here: Lean into loneliness
From my experience, it’s never the time, the day, or the month that brings good vibes. It’s how we feel on the inside. So why wait another minute for happy hour. Create the life you want wherever you are. 😊😊
Related Post: Happiness in Present Time
My husband and I met 17 years ago today on June 1, 2002. And I couldn’t imagine a better way to celebrate our happy hours together than with this little blog post. May your month of June overflow with love and joy too!
Even though we often have little control over the “outside forces” in our lives, we can always make a positive difference – from the inside out.
Start here. Right here. Right now. Be still. Breathe in gratitude. Be thankful for this very moment. Start small. Notice your passing thoughts. Let go.
Notice the exact time it is right now. Say today’s date out loud. Look up at the sky. Wink at the clouds. Stomp your feet on the floor. Smile with gusto.
Grab onto the coffee mug you are holding. Inhale the rich scent of the sumatra you are drinking. Feel the warmth of each passing breath.
Feel the texture of the clothes you’re wearing. Wake up to the sound of your voice. Whisper. Sing. Shout it out!
Dance a little dance. Stand up tall. Anything and everything that shifts you from outer space to inner spirit. From not enough to overflowing.
Come back to yourself. Back to the grace of your magnificent spirit. Into the beauty of your incredible form. Feel the rhythm of your beating heart. Sense the pulse of life itself.
Everything you need to transform yourself and the world already exists within you. You matter. You truly matter. But you have to believe it to see it. Feel it to know it. One gentle, uplifting thought at a time.
This was my first video blog (vlog) ever! (Filmed July 2018) I was equal parts terrified and excited. Hence the breathlessness. Upside: I had a blast filming it
“Buddha described the human mind as being filled with drunken monkeys, jumping around, screeching, chattering, carrying on endlessly. Fear is an especially loud monkey – screaming out all the things that could go wrong.” Source: HuffPost
When we’re caught in a loop of anxious thoughts, our amygdala goes into overdrive. Causing us to get stuck in the basement of our brains (the limbic system) where our stressful thoughts go around and around. With no end to the downward spiral in sight.
Time in nature gives us a chance to catch our breath, to see the light, to realize there’s a way out of this never-ending rumination loop.
The impact of nature on the human spirit is so profound that a hallmark study in 1984 showed that patients who had a room with a view healed faster than patients without a view. A mere glimpse of nature was enough to enhance their resilience.
Nature shifts our thoughts. Expands our awareness. Gives us hope. Lifts us up from the basement of our brains (amygdala) to the penthouse (cerebral cortex) where all solutions are possible.
“And into the forest I go to lose my mind and find my soul.”
Related Video: Five Grounding Techniques
If you’re anything like me (and Santa Claus), you answered yes.
Including the benefits of leaning into difficult emotions.
Because the more we try to fight discomfort, the longer it lasts.
“The root of all suffering is attachment.” Buddha
Stop fighting. Start flowing.
Let your stress drift gently through you.
Without judgment or condemnation.
Breathe and release.
Moment by moment.
Let go of what is outside your control.
Let go of expectations.
The pressure becomes lighter.
The joy becomes brighter.
Create your own traditions.
Fall in love with the night sky.
Savour a walk in the moonlight.
We can handle just about anything.
Our right brain lives in the here and now.
The other sinks into the present moment, trusting all is well.
I choose my right brain.
Fully present.
All is well.
A walk around Blue Heron Lake.🍃
Related Post: Is Happiness a Choice?
As we head into the weekend, may we all be reminded of the importance of rest in striving for success.
An hour or a day.
“What you seek is seeking you”.
You hold the key. 🔑
The next time you’re under any kind of pressure. Stuck in traffic. Rushing from class to class. Dealing with a difficult customer at work. Desperately trying to recall answers on a final exam. Wake up to the formidable power that exists within you. Right here. Right now. Right under your nose.
Video of Post: https://youtu.be/zRSQw-LjU8k
What motivates you. What excites you. What angers you. What lifts you up!
If you can’t comprehend your own emotions and motivations, how will you ever understand the behaviour of others?
One way of doing this is to schedule time at the end or beginning of your day for quiet contemplation and self-reflection.
Alternatively, enjoy a 2 minute “Self Check In” at the top of each hour.
What you will find is the more consistently you pay attention to your own drives and desires, the better you will understand the emotions and motivations of others.
In the video below, I share the simple exercise I use to enhance self-awareness in myself and others. Can you guess the EQ questions I ask students?
To hear my “one word” — check out the 1 min video above. 📌🎥
The secret to having it all is knowing that you already do.
Related Post: The Sweet Spot
No matter how many times I give a speech or participate in a big event, I am often left with the same feeling for a day or so.
Sadness. A kind of longing. A sense of emptiness.
For weeks, sometimes months, I practice, prepare, and edit my work. Immersed, focused, lost in the creative flow.
At night. On weekends. During all my free time. Hoping to do my best. Not wanting to let down.
Afterward, what was once was filled with busyness is an open space. A hollowness that cannot be filled by looking back or planning ahead.
An ache. A void. For no good logical reason.
So I go for a bike ride knowing how Mother Nature always soothes my heart and replenishes my soul.
There is no more looking back or ahead when I am outside.
At that moment I hear three words deep in my heart.
Here I am.
For solace cannot be found in travelling through time.
It can only be found in where you are right now.
in the blooming trees
in the birds soaring
in the sun setting
in the water flowing
in this moment wherever you are.
Here I am. 💚
Hot coffee. Cozy blankets. Birds singing. The sun rising. Fast runs. Slow walks. Long days. Warm hugs. Peaceful silences. BLT sandwiches. Tomato soup. Matinee movies. Buttery popcorn. Ice cold pop. Walking on campus. Smiling in the hallways. Laughing with students. Learning from students. Driving home. Soulful conversations. Dreaming of the future. Reminiscing about the past. Living fully in the moment. Riding bikes. Dancing down the street. Barbeque dinners. Chocolate almonds. Stephen King novels. Hot Tea. Cozy Blankets. Birds Singing…
Morning Traffic
Office Politics
Loud Neighbours
Unpredictable Weather
Giving up the fight.
Waving the white flag.
Surrendering to what is.
And always has been.
You conserve energy for the joyful in your life.
The meaningful in your life.
The soulful in your life.
Including this very moment.
The next time you are gearing up for another fight with reality. Winter; Traffic; Parking; Deadlines. Try rolling with it. Surrendering to what is. Letting go. No matter the circumstances.
In surrendering, you save precious energy for the joyful in your life. The meaningful in your life. The soulful in your life. Including this very moment. This is where happiness lives.
Related Post: Letting Life Flow.
To All Nursing Students, including my own:
If I were to assign any homework this week it would be to take a break.
10 minutes at a time.
5 times a day.
Because you have all worked exceptionally hard the past five weeks.
And a good rest is half the work.
Not exactly as you had planned.
You are still here.
This is something to celebrate.
Because showing up and being fully present is the essence of being a spectacular nurse.
And training to be a nurse is as much about the journey as the knowledge itself.
Take a rest.
For ALL that brought you here.
Not just one paper. Or one test.
Because the only way to finish a marathon is to take the water from the sidelines, eat the food along the way, and most importantly celebrate every step in the journey.
No matter how small.
No matter how challenging.
Every step of the way.
Dr. D 😊
And if you need an extra boost in the first semester of the second year of your BScN collab nursing program:
https://drandreadinardo.com/2018/01/12/reigniting-motivation
“Why Can’t I Remember Anything?“
Where do you go to quiet your mind and free your soul?
Related Post: Taming your monkey mind.
Thriving Under Pressure 